[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Rainboom Dash  
meds can help. its almost easy. just tell it to a doctor that u are depressed.

@Background Pony #8D4E  
THey MIGHT help… I mean the jump from 30 to 40mg of Celexa definitely helped… so maybe a jump from 10 to 15mg of Lexapro would help
 
Hmm… I might call the doctor in a day or two and ask if I can go up

@Rainboom Dash  
You are. You have done great things, and will keep on doing great things.

@warc9  
But it’s REALLY hard for me to improve on stuff… every time I try to do something I just… shut down
 
I… can’t think of anything great I’ve done…
 
I’m just… not enjoying like ANYTHING… well… that’s not accurate… I might be getting a LITTLE enjoyment out of stuff but it’s very minimal… the only thing that I actually truly enjoy is doing intense cardio for 4+ hours… not quite in shape enough yet to do that much, though… but I will be in 2-3 weeks

Ah… fuck
 
I forgot the Doctor was out of town… might have to wait a week until I go up on the Lexapro
 
Normally I’d just say fuck it and take more but I’ve only been on 10mg for 3 days and I don’t know if that’s long enough to go up to 15mg
 
I told my parents I was having minor suicidal thoughts and they said how long has it been going on for and I said over 3 days and they were like why didn’t you tell us sooner……
 
Truth is if I told them about every single suicidal thought I had… I’d be going to them every 10 seconds… although I do have different severities… like most of the time I’d say it’s a level 1… pretty much it’s a level 1 24/7 my whole life… the past 3 or so days I’d say it’s a level 2… some days for a day it’ll go to a level 2 so that’s why I waited a while to tell them…
 
sigh I’ll watch this tv show and…. try to enjoy it… maybe I’ll watch some Fairy Tail.. haven’t watched that in a long time

@Rainboom Dash  
Hey, I also like Fairy tail! Who’s your favorite character?
 
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
 
If you are having these thoughts, please call them. They really can help.

@warc9  
Happy, of course!
 
Aye!
 

 
Anyway.. I should be able to contact the doctor tomorrow… hopefully

@Rainboom Dash  
Good luck on that.

@warc9  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0eofbOc510

@Tranquil Night  
Thanks

@Rainboom Dash  
Yeah! Happy is awesome!
 
But Natsu Is my favorite I think, haven’t seen it in ages.
 
Heading to bed now, goodnight! hugs

@warc9  
Natsu is pretty awesome, too

Yesterday was awful. Constant state of high anxiety. Possibly the most awful day i’ve had in years. Maybe even ever. Plus I almost got to experience the most intense/horrifying panic attack. Thank god for the years of experience on how to deal with panic attacks; I managed to keep it under control.
 
I’m just really grateful that today is much better.

@Rainboom Dash  
Yep!
 
 
@Gentlecolt  
I’m happy that you are feeling better.
 
I’m here for you.

@warc9  
Thanks. I appreciate it.
 

@Gentlecolt  
No problem!

Fuck…
 
I’m trying to work but I just… Don’t have the energy…
 
So I told the person that I’m assigned to report to that I just want to face for now… I don’t even know if I have the energy to do that… I barely have the energy to type… I might just have to head home early from work
 
I WAS stocking frozen but… I just didn’t have the energy
 
It’s very frustrating…

The doctor did say I could start 15mg of Lexapro… But… That’s going to take a while to really start working

@Gentlecolt  
Hey, that’s my favorite smiley to use! Haven’t in years tho. But years ago I used it all the time on deviantart… Man.
 
 
@Rainboom Dash  
Huh… Sounds like a lot of what I face. Interesting. I wonder if I’m just in denial about crippling depression or something. I mean, it’s not like I don’t have anything physical going on, though, been to the hospital a lot and lots of big surgeries, but still…

@Rainboom Dash  
Having low engry kinda is bad, have a nap when you get home.

@warc9  
Yup, luckily I was able to finish the day off at work… Barely
 
I feel like I barely did anything today but tomorrow I’ll work harder
 
It’s a nice job and all.. really laid back and I get paid 10.60 an hour and have only been working there for about 8 months and it’s my first real job
 
Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow..
 
 
@Cirrus Light  
See I don’t really have anything bad happening in my life.. I think I just suck… And no matter how many times people say I don’t suck I just.. can’t believe it… I really don’t believe it’s true… Maybe I don’t suck 100% but I do believe that I’m stupid.. in multiple ways.. and I feel like my life is…. Idk… It just feels weird
 
I guess I’m tired of life’s shit.. and not a whole lot has happened to me… When I think about it… Why am I so depressed…

Well… at least I can work out tonight
 
Maybe I… won’t work out quite so hard…
 
Last time most of the time I worked out at a heart rate of 180… maybe I’ll try to keep it 170 the whole time… it’ll be hard especially when you get that boost of energy after about 90 minutes… but I don’t want to feel like shit afterwards like I did last time…
 
And maybe I’ll just work out for 2 hours… I was going to do 2 hours and 15 minutes but… eh… I guess we’ll see
 
Last time I did an hour and 50 minutes but I worked out a little harder… so I might even be able to go 2 and a half hours at a heart rate of 170… hmm….
 
You really have to be careful with that boost of energy that you get after about 90 minutes of working out… I’ve had my heart rate easily go up to 185 before without even realizing how high it was… The problem is your body also goes numb… or at least my body does after about 90 minutes too… so I really can’t feel pain nearly as much and can’t feel my heart rate… so… it’s REALLY easy to work out too hard and not even realize it
 
Which 185 is.. getting a little too high… that would be like… almost 95% of my maximum heart rate… and to work out for hours like that would be… well… lower would be better…

@Rainboom Dash  
Sounds like a nice job.
 
Hopefully, everything will be better tomorrow.

Hmm… maybe I should not sing while I work out… I love singing but.. maybe not while doing cardio…
 
It raises my heart rate to 10-15… I think the reason it’s so much is because it makes my breathing more irregular so my body isn’t getting as much oxygen thus my heart rate is higher
 
I’m going just at 165-170 without singing and it feels like I’m working out pretty intense… I had to go at least around 175 for that same feeling while singing..
 
Anyway, I’m still working out.. just taking a quick water break.. so I should get back to it :P
 
I know noone cares what I’m saying, sorry

Stupid Apple Juice… it digests soooooooooooooo slowly…
 
I should mix other faster-digesting foods in too… I’ve drank lots of Apple Juice but I’m hungry because it hasn’t digested yet… it takes forrrrrever
 
Hmm… clif bars digest pretty quickly because they have brown rice syrup in them… you’ll feel the energy in just 5-10 minutes… apple juice takes about 30 minutes….
 
Maybe I should eat some clif bars… good protein too
 
Also table sugar, cane sugar, etc. take about 15-20 minutes to feel… faster than apple juice
 
Wait… Isn’t sucrose a mixture of a high and low glycemic sugar or something?