[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@blue-case90
Moreso than people here like me. I’m not well liked here.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
I survived COVID and 2018 where I nearly ended my life; I’m not dying here and now. Not when my life is getting better after not only getting out of a toxic environment that I was accustomed to at a young age, but also getting out of a crappy apartment that would inflate its rent every year and was on the fritz. The one I’m living at now is much better and income based.

No female will ever want me.

Not true! there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and you’ll find the one for you eventually!

Someone once told me that there should be more people like me, I just thought if there are, it’s just that no one remembers who they were.

No girlfriend

No girlfriend

Haha! No girlfriend

I’m just happy to be stable. I been through a lot.

I think my mind is always going to be kinda fucked up. I’m always going to think in some brutish, adversarial way, always trying to prove myself to someone. We can channel our frustrations and insecurities into something sustainable, and prosocial. I did some serious drugs to try to change who I am, like neuroplasticity shit, but I need to stay stable and sober, all that happened was I about died a few times, and worst.

I can’t drink no more, then all that fucked up shit inside me becomes unfiltered. Every time I drink I do it the cheapest way possible, grocery store wine. Then I say messed up shit to people.

I think my advice to anyone is to find stability. I know its hard, especially when you’re forced to live with antagonistic people. I live in a camper now, in the woods, and I’ve never been happier. I do not associate with antagonistic people, or unpredictable folk that do drugs and have problems. I can only be around people who have their shit together.

You got to find respect for yourself, and get away from people who don’t respect you.

@Hima
I’ve got your back if you need someone to talk to at any time!

@Hima
That’s really good advice. It’s one thing to be starved for connection, but if your only connections are entirely toxic ones that only bring your pain and misery, and you’re clinging to a memory of a happier time with those connections, A point in time where they weren’t shitty to you, it’s so much better for you to just let go and move on because they don’t fucking deserve you anymore. You deserve better and you’re not a bad person for leaving behind antagonistic pieces of shit that only want to hurt you.

If you’re locked in a situation where you don’t wanna be alone, but the only people that are in your life or hurting you, you need to give yourself a few years to yourself, to let yourself heal and reevaluate your life and your values. It’ll be scary to be alone, but you need to learn how to enjoy your own company. To work on yourself and make yourself better as a person until you’re ready to come out and face the world again stronger and with a stronger sense of purpose and identity. Figure out who you are as a person before you try to form connections with someone else. If you don’t even know who you are, how can they?

Might blow my head off soon idk idc anymore

@Background Pony #C291
Whats wrong?

@Hima
Honestly, I’m happy for you.

I’ve been through alot myself. Especially during 2018 where (if you ask anyone here on Derpi) I was pretty much my worst self. The worst I’ve been yet.

Not only was I hostile, but my life only got worse once I was kicked from my own home and had to travel constantly until I was able to afford an apartment close to where I was working at the time.
Life only got worse for me still that I thought about ending it. What made it worse was that my first therapist was no help at all so I had to literally teach myself to knock that self-harm shit off! Literally! It’s a part of my life that I never want to go through again or relive (until I could go back and fix damn well EVERYTHING) and it’s one I would not dare wish upon my worst enemies! It’s not worth going through something like that - let alone what I went through.

P.S. I too had a drinking problem too, though I’m not much of an alcoholic - as back then it was my first time once I reached the drinking age. I don’t drink that much IRL and I hardly get drunk.

I am at my wits end…I have nothing to live for and I have nothing and nobody…my quality of life is so shitty; yes, there are people in my life, but it doesn’t feel like they really care about me or for me, just about what I’m doing and what I can do for them. I don’t know how to properly function anymore with myself due to all the terrible stuff that has happened to me and if I was gone, maybe people would care about me for, like, a week, then I’d fade into forgetfulness…I am alive, but I am not living. As such, I want to end my suffering. Stop breathing. I don’t want to live like this anymore…I want to die.

Every encounter with women is a traumatizing event.

@KolpSlack
Trust me, I was in that situation once and why you may think that and how easy it is to think that way, but believe me when I say that it’s not worth having that mindset. Especially if you have friends who still like you outside of Derpi or even within Derpi.

Hold onto them; they wouldn’t like it if you were gone.

Also, if we both survived COVID, we’ve got nothing to lose.