[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

I just want someone to talk to that understands me…

@Rainboom Dash
 
What about?

@Osha  
Just anything, really
 
 
Seems everything I like no one else likes so it’s…. pretty awkward when I talk about it
 
And stuff other people like I don’t like…
 
 
Like cardio and singing… no one really seems to get me, you know? It’s just..
 
 
That’s really all I enjoy… and looking at pone…. I animated in SFM for a bit but I haven’t animated in a long time.. wasn’t exactly very good at it… I guess I wasn’t terrible, either…. but I was pretty much just making random body movements

Some really old animations I made
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUQjzx06E6w
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utqUrufCu6I
 
 
lolz… this one was just made using a already-made particle effect
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq5rG9vAjQw
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svpaF7FpiOo

@Rainboom Dash  
That’s really cool

Fuck…
 
It’s taking so long to get in shape…
 
I want to be in shape NOW… but currently I can only go about 90 minutes.. it’s going to be at least around 10 days until I can go 2 and a half hours… might be able to push that to like 8 days… although, probably not worth that small decrease in time…
 
I really want to go 4 hours… but..
 
 
I’m thinking maybe I should just do a heart rate of 160 while I’m getting in shape… then when I’m in shape I can do 170-180… but for getting in shape lower might be better… but for it to feel really good you gotta go at least around 170… really 180 when you get that boost of energy in the middle is ideal… 170 during the first 2 and a half hours or so… 180 for the last 90 minutes

That boost of energy can be dangerous, though
 
Seriously.. I used to do this and my heart rate would get close to 185 and I wouldn’t even feel exhausted… I had to try my dang hardest to keep it below 180…
 
It’s fucking hard… the pain goes away… it feels better the harder you go… you get this boost of energy….
 
It’s just really fucking hard to not work out at a heart rate of around 185… but doing 180-185 for 90 minutes probably isn’t the best
 
 
After 185 I start feeling out of breath so no matter how much energy I have that’s usually the maximum it gets too… luckily… but that’s still way too high

@Rainboom Dash  
You are still are pushing yourself way to hard. Please take care of yourself.

Just tried the lime kombutcha
 
Pretty dang good… has a little added sugar but very small… 8 grams total for 12 fl ounces and a couple of that is natural and some is honey (which is pretty natural, too)
 
less than 0.5% alcohol by volume, it says
 
It can be sold legally to anyone so… yeah :P
 
It’s about a fifth of the weakest beer

@warc9  
Perhaps
 
But it just feels really good and I enjoy it
 
 
So.. idc
 
 
Yeah when I used to do my 4 hour workouts at a heart rate of 170-180 it would feel amazing but at the same time my body felt like crap… The first few workouts felt really good but then it just… Drastically felt less good… Literally 50-100x less good
 
Feeling only lasted about an hour afterwards instead of 24 hours and it was much less intense
 

 
It just feels really relaxing… Very theruputic
 
 
You just gotta… Do it in moderation… Once a week is probably best… I used to do it every other day but that’s risky and it feels less good

@Rainboom Dash
 
Do it less then that, or ease up on the intensity.

@warc9  
But it feels drastically less good
 
 
If I just go for 2 and a half hours for example, it’ll only last for about an hour afterwards… 4 hours it’ll last 24 hours
 
 
So.. like… yeah… I think this is okay as long as I just do it like once a week…
 
 
Gotta get in shape first, though
 

 

 
I think I might take a nap… then I’ll work out tonight :D

And it needs to be at a heart rate of at least 160-170…
 
I guess it doesn’t need to be 180… I’ll just have to try to throttle it back when I get that boost of energy in the middle…

@Rainboom Dash  
But it’s more healthy and will let you work out longer given enough time.

@warc9  
Yes but there has to be a certain intensity
 
I can’t just go less hard and longer… I would do that if I could… Well.. plus… It already takes about 5 hours to workout with the breaks included
 
 
I would work out 5 to 6 hours at a lower intensity if that worked… But it doesn’t
 
Plus.. it’d take around 7 hours with breaks… I guess that’s still not THAT long
 
I guess I worked out 8 hours one time and that was about 10 hours once you included food/water breaks… Would have went even longer if I hadn’t gotten exhausted… But my heart rate was 170-180 for 4 hours, then about 160 for 2 hours and then only about 150 for the last 2 hours… And I started feeling weird near the end so I stopped
 
 
It was fun, though.. didn’t feel as good as just a 4 hour intense workout… But it was fun

@Rainboom Dash  
Not to the point of 180.

@warc9  
Yeah… 170 is probably enough
 
I’ll try just doing 160-170 instead of 170-180 and see if that works

Woooooooow
 
That workout starting feeling amazing toward the end
 
Weeeeelll, I guess I’m still going… Almost done though…..
 
 
Gonna get some water, hehe
 

 
omg… I’m tingling… especially my head :o
 
Got about 10 minutes left in my workout… this was only an hour and a half too, damn… I can’t imagine what a 4 hour workout is like… well, I guess I’ve done a 4 hour workout… but it’s been a long time…

It is now official. Not that this bothers me, but I have been diagnosed through extensive testing with high-functioning autism. I just thought that I would give you guys an update.

@Tranquil Night  
I haven’t been diagnosed yet because I hide my symptoms pretty well and have overlapping symptoms with ADHD/OCD/social anxiety/bipolar/etc. without even noticing it, and I didn’t even know that I have autism spectrum disorder (unclear on whether it’s HFA, Asperger’s, or PDD-NOS) until recently. Doesn’t bother me either, it just makes me more creative, less interested in boring small talk, think more critically (the real thing, not the one-size-size-fits-all bullshit kids are forced to do in school), and slightly more focused on my interests.

@Pacific Glow  
My official diagnoses are that I have OCD, HFA, GAD, a history of depression, and possibly inattentive ADHD. I also recieved very low, second percentile scores for cognitive-processing speed. The reason why I have HFA instead of another persistent-developmental disorder is because although my IQ tested to be a 121, I only scored in the fourteenth percentile (low, not high) for verbal reasoning and recieved very high scores for my visual-spacial skills. I was previously thought to have AS until I was officially tested for HFA. What bothers me about having autism is not the diagnosis itself; it is that my parents are planning on putting me in autism group therapy to help me with my social skills, even though I feel like I do fine socializing. The issue is that I do not enjoy socializing, not that I cannot do so.
 
The verbal reasoning test that I recieved was being told a story and having to examine why characters acted the way that they did in the story. Visual-spacial testing is examining puzzles and patterns to solve them and see the patterns. Another distinguishing factor between HFA and AS is that people with AS often want to socialize but have difficulties with it, while people with HFA have less of a desire to socialize in general.
 
I feel that I hide my symptoms well, but my parents notice them quite easily.
 
By the way, I used to think that I had bipolar I disorder because I had fits of extreme anger followed by fits of depression and crying. I hid these extremely well though, and nobody knew about them until I told them about it. It turned out that these angry fits were not a hypomanic episode, and that they were just another manifestation of depression. I am not saying that you do not have bipolar disorder, but I am saying that it can be tricky to self-diagnose. I also understand that you are in a situation where you cannot easily get professional help, so I do not really know what to tell you regarding this paragraph.

Damn I love this song… (although, I don’t know it very well… this was my fourth time to sing it or listen to it ever and also I was tired so I made a few extra mistakes then if I wasn’t tired… but mostly I just didn’t know it very well :P)
 
I sang it at 2 in the morning lolz
 
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_sEtcF0tKNeNEt6ZFd0UXBXYUk/view?usp=sharing
 
@Tranquil Night  
You should tell them that you feel fine, then… just because you have autism doesn’t mean you can’t learn on your own… it just makes it harder
 
Or maybe think of other options
 
 
Also, for me.. I like socializing (mostly) about stuff I like, at least :P Not sure which variation I have of it, though

I want it to be December 31 already, so I can say, “Fuck, 2017 was the real flop, despite 2016 being the year everyone hates. Oh well, maybe try harder in 2018 and the upcoming decade?”

@Rainboom Dash  
I will talk to them about it.

@Pacific Glow  
Fuck all the years, really