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Description
E’ una giornata come le altre a Ponyville. Nella Fattoria degli Apple Acres, Applejack come al solito faceva il suo lavoro con le mele. La famiglia Apple però…aveva degli arretrati e non era pronta economicamente per fare i preparativi per la radura del sidro. Perchè venivano molti altri pony di altre città. Manhattan, Los Pegasus. Filthy Rich li aiuta dando a loro il suo denaro. Per lui non c’era problema. Applejack lo ringrazia e per ricompensarlo vuole dargli un appuntamento come amici. Applejack sapeva che Filthy Rich era già sposato e aveva un’unica figlia. Diamond Tiara la puledrina che per anni prendeva in giro per il suo fianco bianco ma alla fine sono diventate grandi amiche. Applejack però,sentiva qualcosa dentro di lei. Si era innamorata di Filthy Rich. Non per il suo denaro.Ma per il suo bel gesto per avere aiutato la famiglia Apple.ENGLISH:Applejack Life Of Hell (Applejack in love)It’s a beautiful day to Ponyville. In Apple Acres Farm, Applejack works to apples. But…the problems coming. The Apple family was not economically ready for the meeting for delivery of cider. Because were being many more ponies than other cities. Manhattan, Los Pegasus. So…Filthy Rich helps the Apple family. With his money solves the problem. Applejack thanks him. and as a reward he asks for an a date like true friends. Applejack know that Filthy Rich was married but… She felt something in her heart. Was in love. Filthy Rich. Not for Money. But for his good gesture.
Sure, though I’m a bit lazy when it comes to reading recently, I’ll warn you.
Not as an editor. I’d just like to hear your opinion.
I’m not very good as an editor, so I think you should look for someone better than me. It doesn’t help that the fic I’m working on is gathering dust.
As a fellow aspiring writer, would you like to have a look at a fanfic I’ve been working on?
@BigBadSeed
Sorry, I’m also trying to be a writer, and I’m brutally honest when it comes to problems that I can see. Honestly, it would be better to start smaller and work your way up to stuff like this after you learn how to avoid clichés, choose/create characters that fit the requirements better, and develop an art-style the complements your ideas/themes instead of go against them.
Edited
No need to apologize. You keep doing you. Just don’t stop looking critically at your work and trying to improve it.
@Meanlucario
Calm down, man. Obviously one is entitled to one’s opinion, and I’m far from one to tell others to censor their thoughts. Still, no need to be quite so brutal.
@BigBadSeed
Ok…sorry…
If you use canon characters, than have them act like their canon counterparts. Filthy doesn’t wirk since he’s a nice guy, and people think of canon Filthy before your Filthy. Also, it’s clichéd and looks lazy because of the vectors used. It needs more effort if people are going to think it’s trying to be deep.
I agree with MeanLucario. You have a right to write whatever you want, and there’s nothing wrong with writing about spousal abuse. Just try to avoid lazy clichés. The moment he said, “abusive-spouse clichés,” I could picture exactly what he was talking about.
As an aspiring writer myself, I don’t mean to discourage you from writing. I’m just offering advice.
I’m glad you are following this fiction … but where am I wrong? Publish it here? Because this my fiction is not connected with whole seasons of MLP.
The problem is how clichéd and unappealing it is. The art is show vectors instead of a style that helps it, there are plenty of characters that would figure it out before a month past since AJ has close friends and family, and Filthy is OCC in an unconvincing and distracting way.
Oh come on. it’s just a fiction. I know. It is violent and abusive … but also about the reality on violence against women. And I’m not the only one. Not familiar with the story “The Doctor is out”?
That’s why I have this guy blocked.
Oh, for Christ’s sake…
The tag for the series is Applejack - Life of Hell. Trust me, this guy uses all the abusive-spouse clichés.
Excuse me?
You won’t get it here, since he beats her up in this series, despite being a nice guy in the show.