Spike decided he had enough of these little kids so he got up and took off his hat and fake beard and revealed himself.
“I’m not actually Santa Claus. I’m just a man in a suit like any other mall Santa would be, because Santa isn’t even real. Your parents have been lying to you the whole fucking time.”
I took my niece and nephew to see the mall Santa near me today. He was behind a sheet of plexiglass, and they had to shout to talk to him. On the way home they said that their dad had told them that Santa can still come because he’s immune to all diseases, so why was he behind the glass?
I told them that’s exactly right. In fact, Santa’s immune system is so good that it actively sees all other life as a threat. Too much exposure and the T-cells floating in his breath will begin to attack your mucus membranes. This is the real reason why kids need to be asleep when he comes… to avoid exposure. The plexiglass was there to protect them, because while seeing him for like 5 minutes once a regular year is okay, his immune system was working overtime to attack all of the COVID-19 that is within its “kill zone” that it heightens the risk to kids.
They were quiet all the rest of the way home.
My brother told me just to leave their presents on the porch this year.
Easy mistake. Flurry and Sweetie do have similar hair.
@Background Pony #2A12
Get this pony a trophy because that’s amazing.
“I’m not actually Santa Claus. I’m just a man in a suit like any other mall Santa would be, because Santa isn’t even real. Your parents have been lying to you the whole fucking time.”
That’s terrible and hilarious.
I told them that’s exactly right. In fact, Santa’s immune system is so good that it actively sees all other life as a threat. Too much exposure and the T-cells floating in his breath will begin to attack your mucus membranes. This is the real reason why kids need to be asleep when he comes… to avoid exposure. The plexiglass was there to protect them, because while seeing him for like 5 minutes once a regular year is okay, his immune system was working overtime to attack all of the COVID-19 that is within its “kill zone” that it heightens the risk to kids.
They were quiet all the rest of the way home.
My brother told me just to leave their presents on the porch this year.
“But Santa, I wanted a Smarty Pants doll…”
“Nonsense, Santa knows what’s best for you.”
Yup. Spike missed his chance to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas.