Whenever I see war or shitstorm in the comments everywhere on the Internet where the innocent and simple commenter gets involved by the stupidity and the audacity of bullshit topics they want to bring on these guys, and then, they make them in the wrong, I want to kill everybody in the world because it easily pisses me off.
Mental state rapidly spiraling downward much faster every day despite counseling and extensive anti anxiety/anti-depressant medication and I don’t see an end in sight; using alcohol as a stabilizer more than I should on the really bad days which are rapidly becoming nearly daily. Mind has cemented its desire to not live past 35 and I’m coming up on 32 in November… fingers crossed I find some reason to live before that threshold is crossed. Family health crises, grandparents health rapidly declining, step-parent drama, and 100% uncertainty on any future opportunities massively compounding things. Have quit nearly all social media for the moment in the past few days being unable to handle even the most basic of interactions and life decisions and afraid of making even worse decisions ahead; metal music and caring gf about all that’s keeping me functional these days