[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@team blueplant  
Don’t. That’s the worst decision you could ever make.

@Pacific Glow  
not sure how that’s stopping you from having fun

Seriously, give me a reason I should live. I have no skills other than scribbling on some schoolwork. I created a burden for everyone around me, both here and IRL. I always fuck everything up, and every time that happens, someone calls me out on my bullshit, I try it a second time, I fuck it up again and I’m taught some procedure that’s real easy, but my non-existent brain can’t memorize it at all, and I try hard not to cry like a baby every time that happens. I’ve considered suicide many times, but I always pussy out.

whoever said you can regain someone’s trust after ruining it is a fucking liar in their own right. i can’t even say anything that anyone will believe even if it is actually true

@Conflik9929  
I’m so sorry to hear that.

@Pacific Glow  
well then clearly you don’t have enough reason to die. stop finding it so amusing to sulk as you are, nothing’s going to change if you keep whining like that
 
@Conflik9929  
if you cant keep up with your lies you probably shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place tbh

@Pacific Glow  
You have great art, you are very nice, and you are a good person.

I think I managed to pull a muscle while self-harming.

@Background Pony #D658  
man you should check into a hospital or something

@Conflik9929  
Eh, once you stop doing stupid things and actively work really hard on rebuilding relationship with someone it kinda works. It’s just not the same and can most likely never be the same ever. But something is better than nothing, probably.
 
 
@Background Pony #D658  
Self-harming is the worst choice when dealing with problems because if you don’t get them fixed and go through you’ve just been making your life worse for no reason, and if things turn for the better you’ll likely keep scars that will make you feel worse every time you notice them.  
Tl;dr I strongly advise against it.

so, all this bullshit is making my chest hurt, breathing is slighty harder, headache and my mouth tastes weird, (no, i didnt ingest anything bad)
 
i think i would die from depression instead of my own methods

@team blueplant  
Drink some water?

Going to bed, goodnight

I will now be taking a [prescribed] stimulant which should help me fantasize again and help with my motivation. I hope that it works. I will start it on Saturday.

@Tranquil Night  
I hope so too.

*Sigh* once again; I’m feeling once again those unpleasant sensations. My heart beats are accelerated, I feel nervous, it costs me to breathe: it’s like that I feel that I’m being persecuted, maybe persecuted by myself, I don’t know how to exactly describe it. I want to punch myself, hide myself, and ‘cry’ with no apparent reason.
 
This is stressful, the worst part is not even being sure of what’s the problem, what is the root that starts these feelings. I can theorize, analyze myself multiple times, but it’s not enough. When I finish some courses that I do in the weeks, I will go to a psychologist, for my own good.
 
Something is definitely wrong, and I keep self-deprecating internally.
 
I’m hurting myself, and it’s starting to be worse…

@TheAnonShy  
Get to a psychologist asap.
 
In the mean time, please don’t hurt yourself.

@warc9  
I’m hurting myself psychologically, nothing of physical injuries, I’m not like that fortunately.
 
^{I hope soon I could have psychological help…}

@TheAnonShy  
psychologic pain is still not good.
 
Don’t self-deprecate.

@warc9  
wich kind of pain is good?
 
unless you actualy want the pain because reasons

@team blueplant  
No kind of pain is good.

Going to bed, goodnight!

Well… my heart rate appears to be about 10 higher than normal because of the withdrawal of the guanfacine…. hopefully it doesn’t stay this way
 
I also appear to have pretty significant insomnia… hopefully that doesn’t stay too
 
And a minor headache… these have to be withdrawal symptoms that will go away soon
 
I should say it’s 10 higher than normal when working out… at rest it’s only about 5
 
So my heart rate was 175-180 during the workout and I wasn’t even working out that hard… sigh

Seriously though… I’ve been up for about…. 11 hours… and I only got 4-5 hours of sleep… and I can’t even fall asleep to take a nap…
 
I hope I can sleep tonight…

@warc9  
please, that’s horrible advice. learn to laugh while you’re hating yourself, buys some time
 
@Rainboom Dash  
I never understood how people could manage to nap, I can only pull it off if I’m sick