Sure is great spending my first night shift dressed up as the Miffy Muffin mascot! Hmm, I wonder what that strange rustling sound is over there. Let me walk toward it!

nope!

@DanielTepesKraus  
That was adorable mate.

“The muffins are the life.”

@Dax Rattler  
@A Sad Pony  
@SeraphimDawn  

 
You shine your flashlight about the darkened room, pretending you don’t know where Derpybat is hiding. She loves to play predator/prey with you, and even though she always hides in the most predictable of places, you can’t deny her the joy it brings to her when you finally “find” her. After a moment of sweeping the light and quietly calling to her, you point the light in her face and she beams with satisfaction at your mock surprise.
 
She swoops down and pounces on you, her light frame enough to make you buckle and weave under her weight. Her soft wings wrap around your shoulders like a warm velvet scarf and she grips tight with her hooves, playfully nibbling on your neck. You have what she wants, and she knows you have it, but it always gives you a smile when she has to ‘fight’ you for it. You struggle playfully, enjoying the affectionate murmurs she makes as her fangs come just shy of piercing your skin, and finally let yourself collapse onto the sofa.
 
You finally admit defeat. You present the box of Ready-To-Bake Wegmans Muffin Batter and slowly hold it up in her face like a crucifix. Her red predatory eyes light up at the sight of it and she sandwiches it between your chests, pausing just long enough to flash a look of affection at you before tucking into her meal.
 
As she feeds, still with her warm wings wrapped around your body, you put your arms around her and nuzzle your face against her soft gray neck. Amidst her contented feeding sounds you hear the unmistakable muted sound of a giggle. Others might fear her, and they can keep their fear; To you she’ll always be your soft and cuddly little Derpybat.
 
 
I’ve never written anything before; Be gentle.

@Dax Rattler  
Fruit Muffins.

@Dax Rattler  
I guess muffins is too obvious?

What would a DerpyBat Feed on I wonder?

The dude holding the flashlight’s NOPEing out of this situation.