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Description
It’s actually quite hard to write insults for Queen Chrysalis to say. My natural instinct is to just go full Shodan with her and have her call everyone “I-I-Insects,” but obviously it’s supposed to be an insult, not a compliment. So I decided to go with her calling them rodents and other small furry things.
I did promise you at the start of this chapter that I would discuss how much things changed in this part, and this is the time for it.
Again, originally this chapter was three chapters. The first chapter was more or less Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy presenting their side over five pages each. The next chapter would then be essentially rebuttal from whichever two of the Mane 6 were with them. And then the third chapter would be a sort of reconciliation chapter, with the three slowly coming to see the other side and being freed.
Except Chrysalis would absolutely refuse.
We would get the same scene of Cozy and Tirek back in the real world as last week, and then cut back to Chrysalis, Twilight and Pinkie. Twilight would be in utter despair and on the very brink of giving up, and then the other Mane 6 would appear through a big white glowing doorway.
(Deleted scene side note: for a while a similar door was going to play a part with Cozy’s side of the story. Rarity and Fluttershy were going to summon it, as proof that they could leave voluntarily at any time. With all the changes, though, that didn’t feel right anymore.)
Twilight’s hopes are renewed, but then the void begins shaking and the blackness begins to tear apart with giant rips of pure white appearing everywhere. Back in the real world momentarily, we see that the statues of both the Mane 6 and Chrysalis are beginning to crack and break apart. Twilight realizes that, with Cozy and Tirek gone, the spell has become unstable, and it’s going to collapse and take all of them with it. She pleads with Chrysalis, who simply laughs and says something similar to the line here about dragging everyone into oblivion with her.
Also much like here, Pinkie gives Twilight a hug to comfort her, and Twilight gets an idea.
Chrysalis is suspicious of them huddled together whispering, only for the huddle to be broken up by Twilight yelling “Get her!” (accompanied by me making a Ghostbusters reference in the description. “Really, Ray? ‘Get her’? That was your plan?”) Five of the Mane 6 rush Chrysalis, holding her in place. Just as she’s about to blast them with magic, Twilight comes swooping in from a distance, and Chrysalis redirects her attention to her, firing an enormous blast of magic. Twilight throws up a magical shield, which hold for a moment before shattering—but it’s just enough to deflect the blast.
Twilight hits the ‘ground’, sparks coming from her hooves as she skids, and then she leaps up at Chrysalis with her horn leading the way, the shot framed to make it look like she’s going to stab Chrysalis in the throat with her horn. There’s a shot of just Chrysalis’s face as she struggles to say something, apparently choking in some way…
And then of course the big reveal is that they’re actually giving her a group hug, and she has a look of total bafflement on her face that’s so complete she’s barely able to say “W-W-What is this?”
All of that, I should point out now, is what this page replaced. The timelines more or less converge after this, just with the absence of the other Mane 6.
It was big and melodramatic and I was going to sing the lyrics to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ in the description… and it was stupid. It was so, so stupid. I’ve made very few changes to the story I first ‘wrote’ two years ago, and this one was the biggest and by far the one that most improved the story.
The entire scene was a bizarre tone shift that existed solely to add an action sequence that served no purpose and was completely out of tune with the rest of the story. And it was just… way over the top.
And while I love Chrysalis and wanted to make her part big and special, I also realized how bad that was for the story. It took me a while to accept it, but I did. This is supposed to be about all of them. One of the pieces of advice I’ve heard for writing is “You need to kill your darlings,” and I think this is a perfect, almost textbook example of that. It would have brought down the entire story if I’d left things the way I’d originally planned.
On top of that, I feel like things have kind of been dragging a bit, and I don’t think nearly a full year of posts taking place in a black void would help the story at all. So, as I said, I condensed things, trying to make up for the void by doing two pages at once.
I did have some temptation to have Twilight and Pinkie still pull a group hug on Chrysalis, but the idea of unasked-for physical contact made me uncomfortable. I mean, I’m a nice person, but if a group of people came up and pulled me into a group hug out of nowhere, there’d be violence, suddenly and all over the place.
So there you go. I hope you enjoyed this look ‘behind the scenes’ at the way things could have been.
Bonus deleted scene:
Twilight: You don’t understand, she’s afraid of friendship!
Pinkie: Oh Twilight, we know how to deal with that. Don’t you remember what I taught you in the very first episode?
Pinkie bounces out of frame, starting to sing ‘Giggle at the ghosties’.
Twilight: Pinkie, wait!
A loud ‘WHACK’ sound comes from out of frame as Twilight winces.
Pinkie slides back into the frame on her back.
Pinkie, from the floor: Okay, maybe we do need to try something else.
I’m enjoying the comic, I understand it’s not a psych eval.
They we never be happy no matter what he does
“appear strong when you are weak”
It almost seems like that chrysalis lost her mind.
It’s not friendship-it’s trust.
I’d tell them outright until they hold the ones on their side to equal consequences I’ll gladly be annoyed into insanity to destroy their chances at freedom.
Edited
Considering what Celestia and Luna are up to, they deserve it.
Edited