[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@LightningBolt
 
What is there to like? I’m not funny or even remotely smart, not good with words, I’m nothing, all I do is work and come home and sit all by myself wishing there was something about me that made me worth the time

@Osha  
You know, that I like being around with you.

@Osha  
If you’ve got the motovation in you to do your job, then that’s something likeable about you. You don’t have to be perfect at your job or have perfect attendance, just show the initiative to do your best.
 
Also, those times when you set at home after work not knowing what to do with your free time, that can be difficult sometimes. Being bored at home is ALWAYS better than doing something dangerous/destructive, too often I’ve seen what boredom can drive some people to do. You’re a good person just staying at home, but I would like to make some actual friends on here. If you find yourself bored I regularly lurk about on here, waiting for unspecting Cadance images to fav. lol

@Applejack007  
Inside

Want to hear something depressing? I can’t bring myself to go to bed, due to that I sleep in the noisiest, loneliest room in my house, and the lack of anyone to share it with only makes me hate it more.

@Meanlucario  
How is it your room is the noisiest? Do you live next to a highway?  
I sleep in a dead quiet icebox, but I love it that way.

@Autumn_Shy  
Basement with a furnace. The noises make it sound like someone’s always creeping, which triggers my paranoia.

@Meanlucario
 
Invest in a fan.
 
The consistent noise will drown out other sounds.

@Zincy  
In an already freezing basement? No thanks.

@Meanlucario  
Ah, I can see how that would be unsettling. At least you’re warm-ish and out of the snow. Our furnace sounds like a jet when it’s operating, though it’s older than me. lol  
(I think everything in this house pre-dates me… Life with the grandparents. lol)

@Cloid  
?

I will be seeing my therapist in exactly thirty days from now, but I have things that I need to say. I just had my appointment, but I keep a lot of secrets each session.
 
I admitted to having “bad thoughts”, and upon being prompted whether or not I have had thoughts of hurting myself, I said “yes”. Those are the only important things that I told my therapist. My therapist knows very little about these thoughts because I am not open about my psyche.

@Tranquil Night  
I hope everything goes well.

@LeoNero  
Thank you.

@Tranquil Night  
No prob :)

@Tranquil Night  

I spoke to my mother, and she said that she would try to get me in sooner, if it was not too much of a scheduling issue.
 
**********  
I live in fantasy. I would rather have a cartoon pony as a spouse than a human. I do not want to learn how to drive or get a job. I used to want to wear dresses and fursuits, but now those wishes are gone, and I miss them. I have little sexual and romantic desires, and I no longer feel masculine or feminine. No school subjects appeal to me anymore. I do not want to have to deal with the next few years of my life, or the later years, for that matter.
 
Despite this, I am depressed, but not sad.
 
I would like to tell the entirety of the two previous paragraphs to my therapist, but I do not want to be asked what a “furry” is, and I want to keep the italicized sentence a secret. I realize that I am creating a paradox by saying this, but it is true nevertheless.

I have something that I should be telling my therapist, but I am holding it from him because I know that I will be “Baker-acted” if I tell it to him.
 
I still tighten things around my neck.
 
I do not know what to do. I will go to a mental hospital, have my parents watch me intensely, and have my habits changed if I say it.

@Tranquil Night  
How is being sad different from depression; when they feel the same to me? Is it different with anxiety? Or are there different types of depression? or is there no explanation and it is different in general.

@Cloid  
I have many bad thoughts that lead me to feel like I am losing options, so I feel anxious and like my life will fail. I feel disappointed, not like I want to cry.

I do not know what to do. If I go to my mother and tell her that I need to speak to my therapist as soon as possible, I need a very good reason to do so. If I come out without saying something extreme, it will make my parents and therapist suspicious. I am basically sending myself into a mental hospital, which I am not willing to do under these circumstances.

@Tranquil Night  
Why can’t you go to a mental ward?

@Tranquil Night  
I feel the same way all the time, every hour, on the hour. Not a joke for me. My thoughts are always violence, or nagative responses. Thank goodness not of it actually happens. So I feel very doubtful too.

@Tranquil Night
 
Don’t frikken do that to yourself. Keep track of what you do everyday. Write it down, the moment anything happens. Keep a little booklet with you. Then find the alteratives or the positives/fixes. Do not be afraid to tell anyone your bads. I don’t know how to word it.
 
Be careful. Don’t send yourself away. You still have a life. Even if your poor or have no house or no job or no people to care for you. YOU STILL HAVE A LIFE, no matter how old you are.
 
Don’t send yourself away.

@Cloid  
What are you doing?

@Meanlucario  
oops hit the wrong person. That was supposed to be for someone else