@Drama King  
Just take your free internets.

“That’s the same atrocious perfume you wore in court… sister…”  
“I keep getting it for Hearth’s Warming…”  
“Hearth’s Warming; yes… Did you get my card?”  
“I did… thank you…”  
“Nice of the boys in Canterlot to forward that…”  
“Twilight showed me your article on surgical addiction in the journal of clinical psychiatry.”  
“And?”  
“Very interesting. Even to a laymare.”  
“You say… you’re a laymare… Yet YOU caught me… Do you know how you did it?”  
“I got lucky.”  
“Why did you come here, Maud?”  
“I need your help, Pinkamena.”  
“Yes; about Ponyville and Fillydelphia. I’ve seen the papers. I can’t clip them; they don’t let me use scissors… I wouldn’t want them to think I was dwelling on anything… morbid… You want to know how he’s choosing them, don’t you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Why should I help you?”  
“I thought you might enjoy the challenge. Find out if you’re smarter than the pony I’m looking for.”  
“Then by implication you think you’re smarter than I am, since it was YOU who caught me…”  
“No, I know I’m not smarter than you…”  
“Then how did you catch me?”  
“You had… disadvantages…”  
“What disadvantages?”  
“You’re insane.”  
“You’re very tanned, Maud… Your hooves are so rough; not like a cop’s hooves anymore… That perfume is something a child would select; it has a little ship on the bottle, does it not??? Don’t think you can convince me by playing to my intellectual vanity…”  
“There are things you don’t have. Research materials.”  
“I don’t think you could get me the things I want…”  
“You’d have access to the filmstrip library.”  
“Do you have the file with you?”  
“Yes.”  
“And pictures?”  
“Yes.”  
“Let me keep them and I might consider it…”  
“No.”  
“Do you dream much, Maud?”  
“Goodbye, Pinkamena…”  
“You haven’t threatened to take away my books yet! Give me the file then… and I’ll tell you what I think… I’ll need one hour, and privacy…”
 
“This is a very shy boy, Maud… I’d love to meet him… What were the yards like?”  
“Big, spacious, tall hedges. Why?”  
“Because, my dear sister, if this pilgrim feels a special relationship with the moon, he might want to go outside and look at it. Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight, Maud? It appears quite black… If one were nude, say, it would be best to have outdoor privacy for this sort of thing.”  
“That’s interesting.”  
“It’s not interesting… You’ve thought of it before…”  
“I considered it…”  
“You came here to look at me… didn’t you? To get the old scent back again… Why don’t you just smell yourself???”  
“I need your opinion.”  
“I don’t have one right now.”  
“Well when you have one I would like to hear it.”  
“Let me keep the file, Maud. I’ll study it; when you get other files I would like to see them too. You can call me; on the rare occasion when my lawyer calls they bring me a telephone. Would you like to leave me your… home number???”  
“No.”  
“Why? Don’t answer… I’ll tell you… You stink of fear and that cheap lotion. You STINK of FEAR, Maud, but it doesn’t stop you! Don’t you understand, sister??? You caught me because we’re very much alike… Without our imaginations we’d be like all those other poor… dullards…”  
“Goodbye, Pinkamena…”

you look nice in those prison clothes, Pinkie

@Background Pony #5025  
Good show, sir.

@Background Pony #5025  
claps Take your free internet, you’ll find it down the hall and to the left.

You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition’s given you some length of bone, but you’re not more than one generation from poor earth trash, are you, Agent Applejack? And that accent you’ve tried so desperately to shed: pure Appleloosa. What is your father, dear? Is he a orchard farmer? Does he stink of the damp? You know how quickly the stallions found you… all those tedious sticky fumblings in the stands of cherry trees… while you could only dream of getting out… getting anywhere… getting all the way to the Ro-yal Guard.