@Adan Druego  
I think I like your last one the best so far

Flurry: Daddy likes to grab me, when mama not around, and turn me upside down. Then he raises me up high enough so my hooves touch the ceiling. And then he has me start walking back and forth while he sings some really weird song.
 
Flurry: “Spider filly, spider filly, does whatever a spider filly does, can she bark, can she bark, noooo, because she’s a spider fillllllyyyyyyy.”
 
Flurry: Oh oh! I forgot the most important part! Before all that he has drips each of my hooves in ink. It’s weird I know, but it’s really fun to watch the crystal cleaning staff try to figure out how the little hoove print got on the ceiling.
 
TEN MINUTES LATER.
 
Luna: Wherefore are our hooves to be coated in ink?
 
TWO DAYS LATER.
 
Luna: Sister, we must once more beg for your forgiveness at our lack of foresight? Never could we have dreamt that such “fun” would be had at observing the seemingly endless bewilderment of the servant caste as they go about in their fruitless quest demanding some revelation as to the identity of the culprit behind these fathom hooves.
 
Celestia: I KNOW RIGHT! HEEHEE!

“Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?”

“Mommy always gets this funny smile when somepony mentions how cute you and Auntie Celestia look. But then she always mutters something about slipping on cake making her sick on Afro Day. Do you know when Afro day is Ser Knight?”

Sir knight would you be so kind as to pick me up and gently stroke my fur and wings

“My mommy loves ducks, because she’s always talking about how much fun ‘duck holding’ is.”
 
“ Wanna heard the most annoying sound ever? No, too bad: Reeeeee… Reeeady… Ready for another friendship lesson with your auntie Twilight? “
 
“ The cake… It’s a lie. “
 
“ Do you know where Alicorns come from? I think they came from Miss Pinkie Pie’s secret party planning cave under Sugar Cube Corner. I mean she’s got all those pony parts. She’s got wings and horns and so many cutie marks. I wonder if Miss Rarity helped her create that really cool looking cutie mark dress. I bet Miss Starlight Glimmer would go insane seeing all those cutie marks in one place at the same time. Well, I mean when she gets back from her sudden completely unplanned out of the blue totally at random trip back to Our Town, that miss Pinkie told everypony about. “

“Mommy and my aunts are always talking about something called ‘the Equestrian Breeding Program’. But they won’t tell me what it is. Do you know what it is?”

@Background Human  

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ‘clever’ comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”

I really like how they draw ponies like Celestia and Luna.

“have you seen my cake?”

Flurry heart; So when are you two going to make a hybrid baby?

“Have you ever seen the Shining Sparkle. I haven’t. But I bet it’s really cool, because my mommy’s always talking about how it’s the best ship ever. And even though I haven’t gotten to see it yet, i think it’s got a swimming pool because my mommy’s always talking about how wet-”

“I ship auntie Celestia with aunt Luna… just like my mommy does.”

“ay bby u want sum fuck?“

“I have a stuffed toy of Celestia too! Except mine doesn’t have a hole under the tail like yours does.”

“Can I have a ‘consort’ like you when i grow up?”

“Daddy got really mad when he got home the other day and there was a stallion in his and mommy’s bed with mommy.”  
“But he looked really scared and ran away when mommy saw him and she started clapping her hooves together like she was very happy and stuff and then mommy said that it was good that daddy was home because something about daddy and the other stallion starting something and how mommy had been waiting all afternoon for him to get home. She even had that moving picture thing she asked uncle Sunburst to make for her.”

man solaire is living the DREAM guarding tia

“I’ve seen you looking at Aunty’s butt! You think all that cake goes there too?”

It must suck to be royalty. You can’t even sit down in private and gorge on cake. Instead you need to suffer the indignity of having a guard hover over your shoulder, watching every ass fattening bite you take.

“daddy gets all sweaty when he sees miss celestia, do you?”

@TheKman100
 
*Sound of sword being drawn intensifies*
 
PC: I’ll… I’ll just blame it on…  
PC: STARLIGHT GLIMMER! Yes, that’ll do…  
PC: ME DAMN I- Wait… LUNA DAMN IT ALL I WANTED WAS SOME CAKE TIME TO… WOW MOTHER OF ME THIS CAKE IS AWESOME!!
 
*Sound of ears bleeding due to Royal Canterlot Voice Misusage dimminishing ^{_{along with every other sound that you’ll miss out on now}}*

“Is great-aunt Celestia gonna share some of her cake with me?”