Alternate Endings and Deleted Scenes: Warp the show for fun and profit!

@RainbowDash69  
,,To nie jest śmieszne tylko tragiczne!” (I was joking right now. But that ending will be just sick)

@Sweet Blast  
She wouls only be in jail for a few days

@RainbowDash69  
Honesty? That’s stupid idea.

Fake It ’till You Make It
 
Fluttershy: It’s a totally live ensemble with the little, like, thingies that sparkle? And make the whole squad go ‘whooooa, that pony is woke.’  
lasty: (retches)

@lasty  
Hipstershy turns friendly and everypony loves her. Fluttershy ends up having two jobs now: one with animals and one selling clothes. It turns out multiple personalities can be helpful after all

@RainbowDash69  
A friendly hipster? That is out there, man. _{let me see if i can work with it…}
 
(Roseluck wanders in to Rarity’s newest shop, a vintage/used clothing store called “D’occasion for All Occasions”. …i’m not a native French-speaker, okay?)  
Hipstershy: (flipping through a magazine at the register) Hey, like…welcome to the place.  
Roseluck: Hi. I’ve never been in this shop before. What do you sell here?  
Hipstershy: We got clothes that other ponies stopped, like, being ready for? Though I’m sooo sure they tried their best to stay ready.  
Roseluck: …so, it’s all second-hoof?  
Hipstershy: Uh-huh. It’s mostly stuff that ponies didn’t feel like hauling from home A to home B? So they, like, left it here so it’d have a place to squat. Which was so generous of them, and we totally appreciate it. So, like, go ahead and eyeball our stuff. ‘f’you need ‘nything, just like, let me know and whatever, ‘kay? (turns the page. odd, semi-melodic music plays over the intentionally-cheap speakers)  
Roseluck: uh, sure. (she stops and listens) Interesting music. I don’t think I recognize it.  
Hipstershy: Oh, ha-ha, I’m sure you don’t recognize it. Most ponies don’t. They’re this totally lit band from Horsepun county, Coltorado? Who use vacuum cleaners, pieces of broken bells and the pained screams of ponies in burn wards to transmute the silent ether into their sound. So, yeah, not quite the corporate top 40 stuff the big radio stations spoon-feed you. Though that new Songbird Serenade song is super-catchy, isn’t it? I may be a little…well, like you with this band when it comes to dating and like, kiss-culture? But to me, an old-fashioned love song is never gonna be passe`, you know?  
Roseluck: I guess not. I mean, I guess…so?  
Hipstershy: If you want to expand your horizons and open your mind to some tunes that are like whoa, we sell the music we play in here. And if you like it, or even if you’re just completely like ‘uuuuh, no!’, I’d love to talk about it with you.  
Roseluck: Oh, well, I suppose I could always spare some time for new music. Plus, I just got a new cassette player and I should put it to good use.  
Hipstershy: Pardon you? ‘Cassette’? As in, not wax cylinders? Oh, you precious little summer cinnamon child-roll. We play oo-WAX-sssssss here, savvy? Oh! Do you wanna borrow my wax cylinder-player? I can’t leave the place unsupervised right this sec’, but tell Fluttershy I said you could use it.  
Roseluck: wh-? Oh! Oh, I’m sorry, I kinda thought you were Fluttershy.  
Hipstershy: I get that all the time and it’s kind of triggering me? But it’s like, not worth the stress to dwell on it, so I’m like, ‘who ever’, you know? And it would really be lame if you got stressed out about it, so like…please don’t, okay? Hashtag notFlutterstressed.  
Roseluck: ‘What’, not Flutter-stressed?  
Hipstershy: I don’t know, it’s just a thing that feels right to say before I voice my thoughts sometimes.
 
 
And that’s what I think hipsters sound like. Also, it turns out I really couldn’t work with it. But at least I took up a minute of your time.

@lasty  
That’s cute. She’s adorable when triggered

Not for a specific episode, but just something silly (context: they’re playing a co-op multiplayer game):
 
Starlight: Okay chumps, let’s do this. STARLIIIIIIIGHT GLIIIIIIMER! (has her character charge right in)  
Twilight: Oh sweet Celestia she just ran in.  
Applejack: STICK TO THE PLAN! STICK TO THE PLAN!

@Jarkes  

 
Who are you and what have you done with Rainbow?

@Glimmer74
 
I wasn’t entirely sure who would fit that line.

@Jarkes  
Applejack comes to mind

@Glimmer74
 
Edited accordingly.

season 5 ends on a cliffhanger with starlight ripping starswirl’s scroll in half

The Parent Map  
(From “behind the scenes” episode preview)
 
What’s-Her-Muzzle: “In the future, ponies will DRINK their fruit!”
 
Starlight: “They do that now. It’s called juice.“
 

 
The Maud Couple
 
Pinkie: “But are you sure there’s nopony hiding… in your closet?!”
 
Starlight: “Pinkie, I don’t have a closet.”
 
Pinkie: “Really? Where do you keep your clothes?”
 
Starlight: “…What clothes?”
 
Pinkie: “Are you telling me you’ve just been running around naked this whole time?!”
 
Starlight: “So have you!”
 
(Pinkie looks in the mirror and shrieks in embarrassment, her face glowing red as she yanks Starlight’s curtains down and wraps herself in them.)
 
Pinkie: “Why didn’t you tell me before?!”
 

 
Surf and/or Turf  
Epilogue
 
(On the train ride back home…)
 
Twilight: “You did a great job today, girls. I’m proud of you.”
 
Scootaloo: “Thanks, Twilight!”
 
Apple Bloom: “Don’t give us all the credit. Honestly? We never woulda fixed this one if you hadn’t spelled it out for us.”
 
Sweetie Belle: “Yeah… How did you figure it out so quick?”
 
Twilight: “…I didn’t have to. I knew.”
 
Scootaloo: “Seriously? If you don’t want to tell us, fine! But saying you just suddenly knew as soon as we told-”
 
(Twilight gently places a hoof on Scootaloo’s mouth to quiet her, then pulls it back.)
 
Twilight: “There was nothing sudden about it, Scootaloo. It doesn’t just go back to before the map called you. It goes back to before the map was even there. I hope Terramar enjoys his lives while he can… Because one one them might end a lot earlier than the other.”
 
Apple Bloom: “…You miss Canterlot that much, why don’cha just go back for a bit?”
 
Twilight: (sigh) “It’s not Canterlot… At least, not any Canterlot you’ve ever been to. And not one I can go back to. I ignored my other life, stayed away too long, until one day, I went back, and found I’d been replaced. Not that I blame them… She needed them, and I was barely there.”
 
Scootaloo: “You gonna be okay?”
 
Twilight: “I guess. It helps to talk about it… Even if I’m not sure how much I can tell you.”
 
Sweetie Belle: “If there’s anything else we can do, just let us know.”
 
Apple Bloom: “Yeah, we’re here for ya.”
 
Twilight: (sad smile) “Thanks, girls, bur right now, I think I just need to go home…”
 
(Twilight turns away, looking out the train window)
 
Twilight: “…And take a long, hard look in the mirror.”

The Parent Map
 
Stellar: How are you gonna explain this to the princess? What’s your plan if she fires you from friendship quests?  
Sunburst: Mom! She doesn’t—! It-It’s not—!  
Stellar: Use your words, Sunburst.  
Sunburst: rrrgh…  
Starlight: I guess you two weren’t the problem we were sent to solve after all.  
Stellar: So now you don’t even know why you’re here? Ah! We have to figure this out before we run out of time!  
Sunburst: (sighs) Mom, there isn’t a time limit!  
Stellar: Oh, I’m sorry, you’re right. I really should be more familiar with how this all works. I mean, who doesn’t know the guidelines and details of the newly-formed magical table/map that I’ve never seen and makes cutie marks glow? So enlighten me, son. How does the map know when there’s a friendship problem?  
Sunburst: I…don’t really know.  
Stellar: How does it know who to send to solve them?  
Sunburst: Some sort of prediction spell…maybe?  
Stellar: Is it possible for it to be wrong?  
Sunburst: it…might…be.  
Stellar: Huh! You mean even someone like you, who’s seen and touched and studied the map, doesn’t know every little thing about it!? But how could that be!?  
Sunburst: _{…i’ll stow the attitude.}  
Stellar: See that you do.
 
(Starlight and Sunburst are demonstrating how obnoxious the gate can get)  
Gate: Welcome to Sire’s Hollow. Welcome to Sire’s Hollow. Welcome to Sire’s Hollow. Welcome to Sire’s Hollow.  
Stellar: Okay, it’s annoying, I get it. But it just seems like such a waste to remove it.  
Starlight: A waste of what? What did it take, like a minute to set this up?  
Stellar: Oh-ho-ho, hardly!  
(cut to Stellar in a professional-looking recording booth)  
pony-Canter Zoom: Okay, we’re rolling, go ahead when you’re ready.  
Stellar: Alright. (ahem) WEL-Commmme to Sire’s Hollew! ugh, did I just say ‘hollew’? Bleh-bleh-bleh! Okay, we still rolling?  
Canter: Still rolling.  
Stellar: WelcometoSire’sHollew! …too fast?  
Canter: A skosh. Also, I think you said ‘Hollew’ again. Just gimme five in a row, and we’ll see what works, okay?  
Stellar: Alright.  
Canter: Still rolling.  
Stellar: (inhales) Welcome to Sars Hallew! Wel-COME to Sire’s Hallew! oooooOOWELCOME!! To Sire’s..! Hallew!! Wilkommen to Seer’s Hallew! Welcome to…to, uh…i forgot the name of the town.  
Canter: “Sire’s Hollew”-uh, Hollow. _{great, now i’m doing it…}  
Stellar: Of course, of course. WELCOME! TO! …SIRE’S HALLEW!!  
Canter: Good read, good read. (to an assistant) _{call tara strong’s oc, see if she’ll come in and save this.} (assistant nods)  
(the present)  
Stellar: I don’t remember ever saying ‘hallew’ right, but I guess I must have at least once.
 
 
Starlight: Usually, Twilight or one of our other friends gets called to a place with a friendship problem to fix.  
Sunburst: But Starlight and I realized, we came here to fix a friendship problem we already had.  
Starlight: I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding coming home, Dad. But you can’t keep treating me like a foal.  
Firelight: I’m sorry, sugar-bun. (sighs) I just worry about you, on account of the swarms of chemicals in a parent’s brain that demand I do absolutely everything I can, or that I can make others do, to keep you safe. Maybe in some parents, that goes away after the kid hits, like, sixteen or something, but it just never did for me. That you were all I had left after your mom… (he and Starlight look sad) that…probably played some part in it, too.  
Stellar: it did for me, except with my husband in place of your wife. Sunburst, do you know why I’m so concerned with making plans for you?  
Sunburst: Because you’re anal-retentive?  
Stellar: Let’s not give the ‘saucy artists’ any ammunition by you mentioning anal to me. It’s because your father’s philosophy in life was ‘eh, screw it, whatever happens happens’. It was charming when I was twenty-sev-…I mean, nineteen. I’m not almost fifty!! …it was charming when we were younger, but eventually, it became a lot less so. I think it started on the day he told me “hey, babe, check out this sick cliff-dive”.  
Sunburst: What made that less charming than the other times he went with an impulse?  
Stellar: I think it was mostly in how that time, it killed him. He must have thought checking for water or something at the bottom wasn’t loose and free enough.  
Sunburst: You told me dad went to live on a farm upstate!!  
(Stellar pats him on the head)  
Stellar: You’re a dull colt, Sunburst.

@lasty  
Stellar: it did for me, except with my husband in place of your wife. Sunburst, do you know why I’m so concerned with making plans for you?  
Sunburst: Because you’re anal-retentive?  
Stellar: Let’s not give the ’saucy artists’ any ammunition by you mentioning anal to me. It’s because your father’s philosophy in life was ’eh, screw it, whatever happens happens’. It was charming when I was twenty-sev-…I mean, nineteen. I’m not almost fifty!! …it was charming when we were younger, but eventually, it became a lot less so. I think it started on the day he told me “hey, babe, check out this sick cliff-dive”.  
Sunburst: What made that less charming than the other times he went with an impulse?  
Stellar: I think it was mostly in how that time, it killed him. He must have thought checking for water or something at the bottom wasn’t loose and free enough.  
Sunburst: You told me dad went to live on a farm upstate!!  
(Stellar pats him on the head)  
Stellar: You’re a dull colt, Sunburst.
 
This one had me laughing right out loud. It’s hilariously sick to imagine that exchange in the show.

Also from The Parent Map:
 
Starlight: So, wait, you were throwing out every single letter from Sire’s Hollow without reading them because you thought they were all from your mother?  
Sunburst: Um… yes?  
Starlight: …Suddenly the fact that you never replied to my letters back then no matter how many I sent makes sense.  
Sunburst: …Crapbaskets.

Applejack’s Day Off:  
IN STEAM ROOM  
Rainbow: You know what? I saw you two hanging out a little too much. And I was thinking. Aren’t you two a couple?  
Applejack: blushes A-ah never!  
Rarity: Now admit,darling. You have wet dreams about me every night.  
Applejack: Ah never!…  
Rainbow: Yeah. And why you always saying about Rarity?  
Rarity: You have 4 seconds to admit it. 1… 2… 3… And my last word is…  
Applejack: Okay,okay! Ya two got me! Okay! Ah love ya Rarity!  
Rainbow: Awww! Adorable!  
Rarity and Applejack: Shut up Rainbow! It’s not your busines!  
Rainbow: Or maybe this includes me…?  
Rarity: No! You are only third wheel what we invited to our spa afternoon!  
Rainbow: Okay.

Horse Play
 
Spike: “Good luck. Nopony’s gona volunteer to tame that.”
 
Rarity: “Won’t volunteer, indeed… GIRLS, NOW!”
 
(Applejack and Rainbow Dash suddenly grab Pinkie Pie and attempt to push her out on stage.)
 
Pinkie: “HEY! How come I have to do it?!”
 
Applejack: “It’s your special talent, sugarcube. If anypony can pull this off, it’s gonna be you.”
 
Pinkie: “Aw, you really mean it?”
 
Applejack: “Cross my heart.”
 
Pinkie: “Thank you…”
 
Dash: “Not to mention that this is kinda your mess to clean up, since you’re the numbskull who nearly scorched us all into burnt popcorn in the first place.”
 
Pinkie: “Okay, I’m back to not going out there now!!”

Dash and AJ are forced to clean the entire school after arguing too much during the field trip

@RainbowDash69  
Uuuh. What?

@Background Pony #6077  
Twilight Sparkle got annoyed towards the end of the episode because Dash and AJ were being bad teachers

Non-Compete Clause
 
Twilight: And the Friendship School teacher of the month is…  
(Rainbow and Applejack lean forward in anticipation)  
Twilight: …Fluttershy!  
Applejack: ugh, again?  
Rainbow: Come on!  
Fluttershy: Oh, my! I don’t know how I keep winning. (cut to Fluttershy teaching a class) Okay, class, it’s time to give your oral reports. Yona, why don’t you start?  
Yona: Yak pet four bunny and one turtle.  
Fluttershy: Very good. Sandbar?  
Sandbar: I pet a dog, three cats and shared a sandwich with a family of raccoons.  
Fluttershy: That’s wonderful. Smolder?  
Smolder: I didn’t do it.  
Fluttershy: Everyone gets an A on their homework. Now, let’s get to today’s assignment. I know running laps for loyalty class and hauling apples for honesty class must have taken a lot out of all of you. So, I made cookies and cocoa with marshmallows for everyone. So everycreature get comfy on your pillows while I pass them out. And once you’re done, I’ll sing you all a song and you can all take a nice nap.  
(the present)  
Rainbow: yeah. me neither… (Spike takes a picture of Fluttershy)  
Twilight: The award is based on the students’ vote. They must really like you!  
(Spike pulls out the picture and sees that there are eight others just like it on the wall)  
Spike: Is-is that how long we’ve been doing this school thing? Why haven’t we seen other seasons during the school year? Or holidays? How does the passage of time work in this cockamamie world!? And why am I questioning it when it’s the only way I know!?  
(Fluttershy gets a trophy and is cute)  
Twilight: Next item of business; I’ve been looking into a new activity for our friendship classes. Spike? (Spike has a hard time carrying and opening a book. Twilight delights in this minor torment before opening it for him) Section 147, paragraph 2 states that teamwork is a key part of friendship. And…  
Applejack: It took ya ‘til section 147 to get to teamwork bein’ good? What came before that?  
Twilight: Hugs, several sections about who best princess is and my own thoughts put to pictures.  
Spike: Meaning, she doodles herself making out with princess Celestia. And Luna. And Cadance. And all of you. And Cheerilee. Aaaand what she thinks Twist will look like when she grows up.  
Twilight: …lisps are cute. Anyway, friendship field trip, go do one!  
Applejack: Ah’ll lead it fer a trophy!  
Rainbow: Nuts to you, AJ, I’ll get that trophy!  
Applejack: You suck, Rainbow!  
Rainbow: No, you!  
Applejack: Ah’m gonna lead the buck outta this field trip!  
Rainbow: And I’m gonna lead the bit out of it!  
Fluttershy: or you could both lead the bucking bit out of it.  
Applejack/Rainbow: Balls yeah, we can! And better than this other pony whose lines sync with mine! Screw her forever! Rrrr!!  
Pinkie: Yyyeah, so, I’m not saying those two aren’t really friends with each other, but I am saying they’re bad at being friends with each other right this second.  
Twilight: Don’t care, both of you are going.  
Rainbow: Wait, wasn’t leaving a class uncovered an issue a couple weeks/months ago? How is it fine now?  
Twilight: Because plot. Big, plump, blue and orange plot! Now, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Don’t you let your competative natures almost get yourselves or others killed now!  
Applejack: Ah’ll try.  
Rainbow: I make no such promise.  
Twilight: Good enough!  
Rarity: So much drama is going and we’re not even to the theme song yet.  
Tabitha St. Germaine: That counts as being in the episode, paycheck, please!  
Twilight: And speaking of the theme song, (Pinkie and Spike join in) do it, Rockapella!  
(intro, not sung by Rockapella)
 
Ocellus: What the dip, that wasn’t Rockapella.  
Twilight: _{the episode is starting!}  
Ocellus oh, uh…! I’ve never been on a field trip before!  
Twilight: The point of this field trip is to show you how working together can strengthen a friendship.  
Gallus: You mean like how we all worked together to hide from you guys at the beginning of the school year?  
Ocellus: Or how we all worked together to skip class?  
Silverstream: Or how we all worked together to spike your coffee!?  
Twilight: Sort of like that. Only now I’m pretending you haven’t already learned that aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane starts playing and everything from Twilight’s POV gets colorful and distorted) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…  
Applejack: Are y’all ready t’be pawns in me an’ Rainbow Dash’s wiener-wavin’ contest?  
(the students recoil in shock and suddenly having to question their sexuality)  
Rainbow: Metaphorical wieners.  
(the students relax. Yona looks disappointed.)  
Twilight: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…
 
(Yona pounds a nail. Gallus makes sure it’s flush and gives her a thumbs-up)  
Yona: Yak not know what heck you’re doing with claw, there.
 
Rainbow: Dig in, team! We can still win that record!  
Sandbar: Maybe it would be helpful if two ponies known for their strength and stamina also paddled, instead of not paddling.  
Rainbow: Nope, can’t do it.  
ghostly floating head of Spitfire from ‘Hurricane Fluttershy’: I’ve taught you well, Crash.  
Rainbow: We’re still doing this!?
 
Rainbow: Who cares about a few fish?  
Silverstream: Buh-scuuuse me!?  
Rainbow: Oops, sorry. I mean, who cares about a few fish who were always fish.  
Silverstream: That’s better.
 
Applejack Ah hope yer happy.  
Rainbow: Obviously not. Because there goes our new speed record!  
Ocellus: Oo, professor Pie told us about this! Guys, I think we’re in our very first “Stupid, Stupid Rainbow Dash” episode!  
Rainbow: Hang on, what?  
Ocellus Like when you let a dam burst to pat yourself on the back.  
Smolder: Ooh, or like when you blew up a weather factory, whatever that is, so you could keep your tortoise awake.  
Silverstream: Don’t forget when she did a big, attention-grabbing Sonic Rainboom while Tempest was on their trail! Everyone in Seaquestria laughed our scales off for weeks about that!  
Yona: Yak literally drowning while friends discuss teacher stupid, stupid mistakes!  
Rainbow: _{…but it looked awesome.}
 
Twilight: I can’t believe this!  
Applejack/Rainbow: You can’t!?  
Twilight: You’ve been competing with each other. I thought you were past that.  
Applejack: …why?  
Twilight: Because. And I am taking over this field trip.  
Gallus: Or cancelling it?  
(the students murmur about accepting that idea)  
Sandbar: one of the bite-acudas got part of my tail.  
Twilight: Still like ten minutes of the episode left, so no. And neither of you are going to be teacher of the month!  
Applejack: Not even if we tell ya things you wanna hear?  
Twilight: …okay, you’re still eligible.  
Applejack: Yay, trophy! Ah mean…field trip.  
Rainbow: Yeah. Field trip.  
Twilight: Yeah, I buy that. Off you go!
 
Rainbow: Lemme guess. Bite-acudas?  
Applejack: It’s not a guess if you can see them.
 
(everyone enters the school)  
Twilight: Huh, you all survived!? Beeecause of course you did, ha ha! _{spike, ix-nay on the ake-fay udents-stay!}  
Spike: Alright, you heard her, you can go.  
(various ponies in cheaply-made Applejack, Rainbow or student costumes mutter dejectedly and file out)  
Spoiled Rich/fake Gallus: now how am i gonna leave my husband and still be wealthy…?  
Hugh Jelly/fake Smolder: i might know a way. how old did you say your daughter was?
 
(next month)  
Twilight: And the teacher of the month award goes to…  
(Rainbow and Applejack lean in)  
Twilight: …nobody! Because two of my best friends and six students almost died because of it, so the whole thing is hereby abolished.  
Rainbow: No more trophies for teaching!?  
Applejack: And still no Rockapella!? (she and Dash exchange a look)  
Rainbow/Applejack: We quit.

@lasty  
Sounds like a great episode. And wow but Twi has some loose standards for educating at her school. I mean, with Fluttershy’s lesson plan there?

And OT but yeesh, AJ. Using the kids from the school as cheap/free labor on the farm? Aren’t there laws about that?