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redweasel
Duck - "someone befriended them, saved them, coaxed them out of their shell, and showed them that sex is nothing to be afraid of. I’m kind of envious of that rape victim"

Fuzzbutt
“sorry to bother you ma’am. your husband’s had a terrible accident involving several wallabies and a toaster oven.”
LunaticHell

Then there was no sound at all,  
but the clock upon the wall,  
…..
 
Then the door burst open wide,  
And my daddy stepped inside,  
And he kissed my mama’s face,  
And he brushed her tears away.