Donnie: How’d I ever let you two talk me into this?
 
(Mikey, Pinkie Pie, and Donnie are exploring wooded areas and are even dressed for the occasion)
 
[Mikey]
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey.
 
Even if it has a monkey-kind-of shape.
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey.
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey. It’s an ape!
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey…
 
[Mikey]
 
Let’s see if we can catch it on the tape.
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
You can very plainly see if it’s a monkey.
 
[Mikey and Pinkie Pie]
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey. It’s an ape!
 
(Just then, Minka Mark the monkey swings past)
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
Look, there it goes! There it goes!
 
Donnie: I don’t know! I can’t tell if it’s a monkey or an ape!
 
Mikey: It’s very simple, D.
 
[Mikey and Pinkie Pie]
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey.
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey. It’s an ape!
 
Donnie: Uh guys, I’m not so sure…
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
Ooga booga, isn’t that a monkey? (monkey chant)
 
[Mikey]
 
Booga looga, maybe it’s an ape. (monkey chant)
 
[Mikey and Pinkie Pie]
 
If it’s a nickel, or a salad, or a pillow.
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey. It’s an ape!
 
(Minka swings past again)
 
Donnie: If it doesn’t have a tail…?
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
Not a monkey!
 
Donnie: Are you sure that’s what you really mean to say?
 
A camera has no tail…
 
[Mikey]
 
It’s not a monkey!
 
[Mikey and Pinkie Pie]
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey. It’s an ape!
 
 
Donnie: I think there’s something wrong with your logic there.
 
Pinkie Pie: Well, Donnie. Fluttershy said it, and who am we to tell her that’s she’s wrong? “If there’s a tail, it’s a monkey. No tail, ape.” It’s easy!
 
Donnie: But, guys! A kite has a tail–
 
[Mikey]
 
Then it’s a monkey!
 
Donnie: A comet has a tail–
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
It’s a monkey!
 
Donnie: A bubble doesn’t–
 
[Mikey and Pinkie Pie]
 
Then it’s not a monkey!
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey…
 
Donnie: (dryly) It’s an ape?
 
Pinkie Pie: Exactly! I knew you’d catch on!
 
Donnie: We may need to talk about this! I don’t think Fluttershy meant–
 
Both: Shh!
 
(Minka swings in again)
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
Look, there it goes! In the trees!
 
Follow me! It’s gotta be a monkey or an ape!
 
(They move some bushes aside and gasp)
 
[Mikey]
 
I can’t believe it’s true!
 
All this time, I’ve searched for you!
 
(to Donnie) Snap the picture! Take the shot!
 
We’re among the lucky few!
 
[Pinkie Pie]
 
We finally did it, photographer.
 
We discovered what we’re after!
 
Let me look! (looks through binoculars) Is it an ape?!
 
Donnie: Guys, this is a disaster
 
(the monkey turns out to be cow)
 
Mikey: It’s a monkey!
 
Donnie: That’s a cow. Not a–
 
Pinkie Pie: As Scootaloo once said, That was so exhillerating!
 
Mikey: Let’s find more!
 
(They both walk off singing)
 
[Mikey and Pinkie Pie]
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey.
 
Even if it has a monkey-kind-of shape.
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey.
 
If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey. It’s an ape!
 
Donnie: (clears his throat) Oh, Mikey! If I’m not mistaken, turtles are supposed to have tails, right?
 
Mikey: Yeah.
 
Donnie: Well you dont.
 
Mikey: I don’t?
 
Donnie: No. And nither do Leo, Raph, Slash, or me.
 
Pinkie Pie: I wouldn’t be so sure about that last one, Donnie.
 
Donnie: What do mean? (Minka’s tail is peeking out behind him.)
 
Pinkie Pie: Oh nothing! (She and Mikey walk off grinning.)
 
(As Donnie follows, it’s revealed that Minka’s holding on behind him then she winks at the forth wall. Donnie turns around but doesn’t see her before turns back walks off)
 
 
TriviaPinkie Pie is wearing the clothes from Rainbow Dash’s Daring Do music video concept idea from Dance Magic.Mikey and Donnie’s clothes are from Half-Shell Heroes: Sewer Safari. Donnie’s clothing resembles Doctor Grant from Jurassic Park.
 
Song “Monkey” from Veggietales. Edited by me.
 
Equestria Ninja Girls by DarkMagicianmon