I feel an irrational urge to murder my Professor of German and it’s something I’ve never felt before in my entire life so I’m a bit scared
This woman has been pulling the last nerves out of me and my groupmates for 2,5 years, hammering the idea into our heads that we are idiots and incompetent (we learn german from scratch as part of our linguistics study, but I guess she expected us to come with a prehand knowledge), yet she doesn’t teach us systematically and we’re still using level A2 books. She threatens to sabotage our exams and get us thrown out of the university, as if this should somehow motivate us. I was really passionate about learning another language and going to the university in general, I used to be and still tryna stay an excellent student because it allows to get scholarship, but now I’m so exhausted and burnt out that I can barely make myself do the homework and go to classes. And previously I just cried, but now an unbearable hatred flares up in me and I can’t get rid of the idea of hurting this person. I don’t feel like I can bare three more semesters of studying with such a professor
I have to finish the university just because so much effort and resources has gone to it. Getting bachelor here takes 4 years, I have about 1,5 more to go, and I have a choice to endure or to leave which is not an option for me pesonally. And getting a therapist is extremely expensive and condemned in my country. Yet I feel like I’m not coping and will soon spiral into something horrible