Posts

@Background Pony #2190  
Oh dear, don’t let the coffee blow your brains out.

@Pacific Glow  
I think you are in the wrong topic .-.

haha same

@Gentlecolt  
Or maybe there is something wrong with you, and you just keep telling yourself that there isn’t.

@Gentlecolt  
Hoi.. A psychologist really that expensive tho? Thought that the state was somehow able to finance that, I guess I was wrong?

@Gentlecolt  
Well, alright. Sorry tho.

@Gentlecolt  
F

@ghostfacekiller39, @Cirrus Light:  
That is good to hear. I have similar things too sometimes, I should also clean my room sometime soon.. But I dunno, that is kinda far down on my list of priorities.
 
Gah. A buddy of mine inspired me to get a psychologist, but that kinda faded away yesterday and I started to feel bad again. Like, I really wanna do this. I NEED TO do this. But… Gargh. I am not sure. I kinda just want someone to do this with me, I guess? – Sure, there’s my mom, dad, sis, etc., and they’re pretty supportive, but I dunno.. I need to do this with someone else.
 
I don’t have many friends that I could do this with. Someone who’s hand I could grab and walk through this. One guy is some “swag” rich kid, the other one can’t (or doesn’t want to) worry about it. I have one friend that I could do this with, but he’s kinda far away and has his own responsibilities and so on…
 
I need a job, asap. Or else money will be too short. The state won’t finance me anymore, and that will be bad. And I really do not wanna milk my dad anymore, it’s really making me feel very horrible. He should not finance his lazy-ass son…
 
I need to sort myself out, and then I need to sort that job situation out. But I am not sure how. In my current state, I am pretty much unable to do any real job… Everything’s kinda fucked. I am lost.
 
Sometimes I just wish that someone would just force me into some type of correctional facility so I can just get myself fixed…

@ghostfacekiller39  
Yeah, I feel you.
 
@Gentlecolt  
It is.. It’s also hard to get help.. Atleast for me.

@ghostfacekiller39  
Well, it’s no real use to just hide. And I don’t think think that others would be better off without you. I mean, how bad can it be?

@ghostfacekiller39  
Yeah, that is exacty what I am experiencing.. It’s really bugging me. I mean, I know some people where I know that they genuinly care. But there are others where I am really not sure… It’s just very.. Strange?
 
Not sure if I have the wrong friends or if I’m not thinking straight.

@atalarikt  
>that awkward moment when you were being sarcastic and don’t know if the other person answered sarcastically

@atalarikt  
I won an award for being the best at bowling in first class. Look at me, such success B)

@ghostfacekiller39  
I am sorry about your friend.
 
It’s really no use to judge yourself for things that happened in the past. I mean, I did some stupid stuff. Was a horrible kid. But I changed (In some good ways and in some bad ones.) - I often bullied the weak kids in school, because I was insecure as hell. I definitely regret that, I’d love to go back and time and help them instead of making it worse. But it’s too late, and I just don’t worry about it anymore.
 
I actually lost a lot of friends in my time. I moved lots and always lost all of my friends. It got harder for me to make new ones. I always wonder if they are thinking about me.
 
Anyways, I’m also often lonely when I hang with my friends. Not sure why, but… I think it’s because I can’t really talk about my problems with them. But my internet friends make me feel much more at home, because I can just ramble with them and all that stuff. Talking about the good, the bad, the sexy and the disgusting. Just real and raw conversations, if you get what I’m saying. I can’t really do that with any of my IRL friends.
 
What about you, have you theorized about why you feel lonely?

@Cirrus Light  
That actually sounds pretty peaceful.

@Cirrus Light  
I suppose you’re right >-<…

@Cirrus Light  
Both..  
I– Urgh, I have to go off-topic a bit here.. Just something on my mind.
 
(Most of this stuff was taken out of a ramble I had in a chat. Much of it is edited to give it more context.)  
I need to fucking relax with my feelings. I’m wasting my time running after people that I’m a nobody to. Always happens, not sure why I do it. Doing them all these favors just to make them like me, but for what? Am I that lonely? Am I that desperate? What am I looking to achieve with this?
 
Met this nice guy, but as always, lives far away and I am falling in love way too easily. Calling him cute and so on, but knowing that he doesn’t feel the same way. I mean, he’s trying to hide it, but duh it’s obvious. And this kinda always happens and it makes me sick. Not saying that it’s his fault, it’s mine for being so overly attached.
 
I always have this problem. I get attached to people quickly, I like them very much and kind of expect the same from them, just to be disappointed later. It just leaves me hating myself so frigging much.
 
Sometimes it is even the other way around (the person cares more about me than I do for them). It just kills me.

@Cirrus Light  

Well, you do not wanna know what I think inside the shower ;) But no, in general I do not think about too much useful stuff. Most times I just stress myself by thinking of a past that has long passed.
 
What do I do for fun?  
Listen to music, playing videogames, browsing the web and sometimes programming can be real fun. I also like to maintain/build PCs, but I already thought about having that as a job and came to the conclusion that it would be too boring over time (but I might actually go for that if I have nothing better).

@Cirrus Light  
I just do not know if I even can put in the time to practice. It’s really hard for me to see the crap I draw, especially if it’s human anatomy. I just get really disappointed and.. Urgh. Most times I just lay down and turn on some loud music to calm myself.
 
I just can’t seem to do it and sometimes I just wanna break everything out of anger, that’s why I hate even trying to draw anything. It does not seem to be so hard, but I just cannot do it. I’m so frustrated with myself…
 
Maybe it would help to take a course, but erghgehrhghgh. I am not even sure if I want, want to draw. Actually, I’m not sure what to do in general. I am just stuck, it’s really bad..

@Cirrus Light  
I– I’ll keep this in mind. Thank you.
 
Yes, I always kinda wanted to draw. I just need more patience..

@Cirrus Light  
I already do that at home :’)… I am not sure what else to do, tho…

@And Brother I Hurt People:  

You do have a point there.
 

I can relate to that, I have that too sometimes. It often helps to just tell myself to just relax. But it doesn’t always solve the problem.
 
 
@Cirrus Light:  

I could not stand sitting in such a tiny space at all.. I mean, it might be fun, but realistically I do not think that this would really help it.
 
Well… I’ll just be trying to work on my project. Maybe it actually goes well?..
 
EDIT: Nope, f*ck it. Can’t do it.

Arise, thread. ARIIIIIISSEEE!!  
^{Oh wow, I really need to sleep.}  
So.. A new problem seems to have arised. I have NO attention-span for things that aren’t fun at anymore. I just can’t concentrate at all. Instead of programming, I often just play some games and then I feel shit because I didn’t accomplish anything. Heck, it’s even hard for me to even start programming.
 
It’s really messing with me.. I just wanna write some lines of code and do… Stuff. But I just can’t bring myself to start nor to stay focused. It works better when friends are involved somehow, but even then I still have huge issues.
 
Furthermore, the military sent me a letter: Voluntary Military Service. I am not sure if I should join up or not, most of my friends tell me that I shouldn’t. But something inside of me tells me to just fuck it and do it, just to make something out of myself. But my body strength probably wouldn’t be sufficient anyways…
 
Everything’s kinda confusing, I can’t concentrate and I just do not feel like doing anything at all. What do?

@atalarikt  
I’d try calming down and getting through this stuff in a relaxed manner. But that may not be as viable or easy in your case, soo.. Argh. If you really can’t relax, try to deeply dedicate yourself to your work and tell yourself that you can do it. If you get too distracted, try to terminate those distractions. Or, if possible, get someone to help you with those assignments.
 
Clench your teeth and dash through… That is horrible advice, but it’s all I have. I could write pages on how to reach full relaxation, but I am already too freaking tired.
 
Peace.