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I will not teach the CMC to Pillage

I will it replace all the letters in Twilights books with corresponding numbers.

I will not burn and bleed and rape them again.

-I will not force Rarity, Princess Luna and Photo Finish to take a selfie together.  
-I will not tell Princess Celestia to turn Amethyst Star into an alicorn, just so that she can be a better organizer.  
-I will not show a single picture of Principal Celestia to Princess Celestia and tell her just how beautiful she is as a human.  
-I will not give Twilight Sparkle anything depicting Grimace.

I will not introduce ponies to jerky in any form

I will not send the CCM to Discord’s house telling them it will give them Cutie Marks.

I will not try to convince pinkie that everyone is hiding sugar in their fur. again.  
I will never try to tell Twilight that somewhere in the world there is a clone of her.

I will not tattoo ‘cakebutt’ in binary on Celestia’s rear.

The M6 meet the  
“WARLD Renounded INTeranationall SOOPAH Hecklah!-
 
Captain Jackasss!”

I will not tell the Pink One about candy crush

I will not give gummy peanut butter

Ah will not put epoxy in AJ’s hat.

I will not tell Twilight that if you flip a coin enough times it might land on its edge.

I will not call Twilight “Twitilite Spickle”, no matter how funny it might be.
 
I will not forge love letters between Twilight and Shining Armor and leave a copy out for Cadance to see.
 
I will not look at Rainbow Dash or Applejack and ponder their flavor.
 
I will not dress up as a Royal Guard and yell at random “STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!”
 
I will not give Derpy an un-iced cupcake and call it a muffin.
 
I will not steal the Elements of Harmony.
 
I will not call “Sunbutt”, “Sunbutt”.
 
I will not imitate Luna’s ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE, AS FUNNY AS IT WOULD BE!
 
I will not ask Rainbow Dash if I can “Taste the Rainbow”.
 
I will not call Rarity a greedy bitch, she already mentally unstable as is.
 
I will not tell Sweetie Belle that Rarity’s boyfriend has a crush on her.
 
I will not tell Sweetie Belle to call the police after hearing Rarity giving a friend “Accommodations”.
 
I will not ask Big Mac how it was last night with Applejack.
 
I will not put a sign in front of Ponyville school saying “Cutie Pox Quarantine Area”.
 
I will not forge friendship letters from Twilight.
 
I will not call Bon Bon “Candy Ass”.
 
I will not steal Twilight’s spell books.
 
I will not cast the “Want it, Need it” spell.
 
I will not fake Angel’s death.
 
I will not kill Angel.
 
I will not enchant any item with the “Masculinity/Femininity” curse, as hilarious as it would be.
 
I will not call Pinkie Pie the “Smart one” in front of Twilight.
 
I will not make any chicken jokes in front or behind Scootaloo.
 
I will not sing and drink or drink and sing, an entire town singing raunchy sea shanties aren’t good for little foals.
 
I will not call Rarity fat.
 
I will not steal or use a soul gem.
 
I will not try and overthrow the Equestrian Princesses.
 
I will not eat pony meat.
 
I will not challenge Discord to a prank off.
 
I will not put up posters of Celestia saying “OBEY!”
 
I will not revive Sombra and give him a second chance.
 
I will not awaken an ancient evil.
 
I will not say “Release the Kraken”.
 
I will not scare Fluttershy.
 
I will not eat an animal that has not be sanctioned for consumption.
 
I will not give Scootaloo a nest as a gift.
 
I will not imitate Applejack’s accent.
 
I will not use the term “bucking” as innuendo.
 
I will not suggest the CMC get their cutie mark in pyromania.
 
I will not tell the CMC what their obvious talents are.
 
I will not steal Zecora’s potions.
 
I will not spike Ponyville’s water supply with Poison Joke…for the tenth time.
 
I will not call Applejack “Background Pony”.
 
I will not call Rarity a Marshmallow.
 
I will not tell Spike to use the pick up line “Do you taste as good as you look?” on Rarity.
 
I will not “moon” Celestia.
 
I will not give Spike a Rarity plushy.
 
I will not forge love letters between the CMC.
 
I will not go naked in public, even if I’m told everyone else does it.
 
I will not give a unicorn a bucket of lemons.
 
I will not claim that I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds.
 
I will not attempt necromancy.
 
I will not spread the word of any god.
 
I will not ask Applejack and Big Mac which one’s on top.
 
I will not weaponize the CMC.

I will not spray-paint the cows.

I will not give Pinkie Pie Pocky.

I will not draw Perfect Pace’s attention to the fobwatch he keeps checking every four minutes.  
Just… no.

Batmane Mambo number 7

I will not convince Princess Luna that ’ ‘Cheek-spreading’ ‘Plot-plugs’ are the current fashion style.

I will not photocopy Sunbutt’s plot and put it on the front page of every newspaper.

i will not give pregnancy pills to anypony

i will do everything above and on the preceeding page

i will not let Jebadiah kerman and derpy do things with rocket boosters under the flying houses

I will not edit Twilight friendship reports to start with ‘Bonjour Stupid’

I will not help create Equestia’s first hot dog themed superhero, WenieMare.