Posts

I will now be taking a [prescribed] stimulant which should help me fantasize again and help with my motivation. I hope that it works. I will start it on Saturday.

Going to bed, goodnight

@team blueplant  
Drink some water?

so, all this bullshit is making my chest hurt, breathing is slighty harder, headache and my mouth tastes weird, (no, i didnt ingest anything bad)
 
i think i would die from depression instead of my own methods

@Conflik9929  
Eh, once you stop doing stupid things and actively work really hard on rebuilding relationship with someone it kinda works. It’s just not the same and can most likely never be the same ever. But something is better than nothing, probably.
 
 
@Background Pony #D658  
Self-harming is the worst choice when dealing with problems because if you don’t get them fixed and go through you’ve just been making your life worse for no reason, and if things turn for the better you’ll likely keep scars that will make you feel worse every time you notice them.  
Tl;dr I strongly advise against it.

@Background Pony #D658  
man you should check into a hospital or something

I think I managed to pull a muscle while self-harming.

@Pacific Glow  
You have great art, you are very nice, and you are a good person.

@Pacific Glow  
well then clearly you don’t have enough reason to die. stop finding it so amusing to sulk as you are, nothing’s going to change if you keep whining like that
 
@Conflik9929  
if you cant keep up with your lies you probably shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place tbh

@Conflik9929  
I’m so sorry to hear that.

whoever said you can regain someone’s trust after ruining it is a fucking liar in their own right. i can’t even say anything that anyone will believe even if it is actually true

Seriously, give me a reason I should live. I have no skills other than scribbling on some schoolwork. I created a burden for everyone around me, both here and IRL. I always fuck everything up, and every time that happens, someone calls me out on my bullshit, I try it a second time, I fuck it up again and I’m taught some procedure that’s real easy, but my non-existent brain can’t memorize it at all, and I try hard not to cry like a baby every time that happens. I’ve considered suicide many times, but I always pussy out.

@Pacific Glow  
not sure how that’s stopping you from having fun

@team blueplant  
Don’t. That’s the worst decision you could ever make.

@hype  
Yeah, but I’m not eligible for the final exam.

@Tranquil Night  
No,no,no,no…
 
SSRIs work by blocking the reuptake of serotonin… blocking the serotonin from leaving your system

@team blueplant  
Please do not hurt yourself.
 
If you need actual facts to convince you why not to end it, continue reading. When I started taking SSRI medications, I did not feel any better on them than without them. It turned out to be a genetic trait that I did not have that prevented me from metabolizing SSRIs (I believe it is gene CYP2D6, but I am not sure). I realize that medications are not the only cure to depression, but for therapy to work effectively, you need the proper medication. Ask your doctor if you can try a different type of medication; maybe you will find one that works for you.
 
You will not have a chance to feel better if you are not here tomorrow.

@team blueplant  
if psychology could get you to where you are you’d think it would have the ability to get you out of there
 
@Pacific Glow  
it’s near the end of the year man that’s when things get fun

@Pacific Glow  
Oh.
 
Well, remember you are still amazing.
 
From what Ive seen, you are also smart.

@warc9  
School is tomorrow.

@Pacific Glow  
Sunday what?

Sunday.

@team blueplant  
Please don’t do that.
 
We are friends, I don’t want to see you doing something like that.
 
You are amazing. Do not shoot yourself.

so, someone that once was my best friend declared his love to my ex bf one week after we breaked up
 
now they re in a retationship
 
im done, im done, im out, this is the final hit, i cant take this shit anymore, not like this
 
i cant live whitout him, so, im going to shot myself as the first oportunity i have, it might not be today, or tomorrow, but soon
 
and please, restrain youselves from sending any suicide-help numbers or webpages, i tried those and dosent work on me, neither psychologist or meds wors on me

I think the medicine is raising my heart rate 5, MAYBE 10…. but that 5-10 makes a big difference
 
I’m not off of it yet… I just went down on it
 
The doctor said wait 3 days then go down again but it’s been 2 days and I still feel the withdrawal pretty significantly…. I think I might need to wait a week… or at least 5 days
 

 
That workout felt fucking amazing <3
 
I just went for about 30 minutes but… OMG… I needed it
 
I can’t wait until I can go 4-5 hours… but I gotta get back in shape first and take care of this tiredness thing… sigh