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Everything Wrong With The Peathers Pilot
Ok so I wrote this as I was watching the pilot so there’s probably a lot of spelling errors but just bear with me here

CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER PLOT ISSUES

1.)The episode opens by playing Que sera sera and zooming in on a croquet set on a front porch before going into the house where we see Shannon Doherty with a red scrunchie, all things that suggest that Heathers (1989) occurred and this is Heather Duke now but then they’re like lol jk that’s jds mom

2.)Speaking of jds mom, they have her kill herself by lighting the house on fire and shooting herself, nothing involving his father’s business which messes with why jd dislikes his father

3.)They COMPLETELY switched the characters of Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. When Heather McNamara starts talking in the lunchroom Heather Chandler says “god Heather, are we already making this about you?” But says nothing bitchy to Heather Duke

4.)Heather Chandler is some social justice warrior and it’s awful. We meet Ram when he is in the cafeteria wearing a shirt that says “Remington squaws” with a (very very red skin toned) depiction of a Native American and Heather is like “ummmmm that’s so offensive. I know that kid over there and he is 1/16th “First Nations peoples”” and when the kid stands up to say it doesn’t offend him she yells at him “this isn’t about you” (bonus in the background they tried to recreate that airy chime kinda music from the original and its shit)

5.)J.D. has been in Sherwood for a while. He doesn’t move from school to school because of his dads business, he keeps getting expelled

6.)At the art exhibit (equivalent to Remington party/Kurt homecoming party) Veronica meets this guy named Jacob who they very purposefully dressed like jd (trench coat, dark hair) and then she asks him if he has a car and then it cuts to him eating her out in a car while she sits on her phone?????? I don’t even know?????

7.)Instead of throwing up on Heather Chandler, Veronica dumps a giant bottle of hull clean on her.

8.)Jd and Veronica don’t have sex???? They are in no form of relationship so when jd kills Heather Chandler, Veronica has absolutely no reason to stay with him at all which is just SHIT PLOT PEATHERS GET IT TOGETHER

9.)Jd has only lived in THREE states, NOT SEVEN, NOT TEN, THREE!!! They totally screwed over his background with this and with his mom’s Suicide so now he only has shitty motives. Also, his dad isn’t Big Bud Dean Construction, it’s Big Bud Dean Oil and Gas????

10.)Jd and Veronica don’t give Heather Chandler a bottle of drain cleaner, he pulls an ich luge type thing with some “vomit inducing pills Hitler carried around”. Then when Heather Chandler “dies” he’s like oh crap I must have given her the wrong pills but it’s GENUINE. JD SERIOUSLY DID NOT TRY TO KILL HEATHER CHANDLER but then SURPRISE at the end of the episode we see Heather Chandler wake up because she actually didn’t die because jd did give her the vomit pills, the pills just somehow made her pass out which they weren’t supposed to. Also, she saw that Veronica and jd tried to fake her Suicide (they posted her Suicide note on Instagram and she would remember them coming to her house) but then sees that the post got 27 million likes so she decides to not snitch them out because she’s famous but from now on ANY PERSON THAT “KILLS THEMSELVES” AND JD AND VERONICA SET UP TO LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE, HEATHER CHANDLER WILL KNOW IT WAS JD AND VERONICA SO I DONT KNOW HOW THEY’RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING WITH THAT BUT ALRIGHT

11.)You may be thinking, how did JD get Heather Chandler to take a pill? Well, HE PUT IT IN A BAG OF CORN NUTS AND DARED HER TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG IN FIVE SECONDS OR ELSE HE WOULD POST A PICTURE OF HER WITH A NAZI CAP ON. Also on this topic, they had Heather Chandler start gagging before crashing through the glass table but she shouldn’t be gagging, if anything she should be choking from the food and she would have bitten into the pill while eating the corn nuts and it’s a whole mess peathers please get your story straight

12.)At school after Heather Chandler’s “suicide” all of the students are like “omg this is so sad(for the most part, they are still kinda making it about themselves)” and Mrs. Flemming is like “look at all of the publicity about this” which is just??? So wrong????

13.)After Heather Chandler “dies” Betty Finn takes over the role instead of Heather Duke???? AHHHHH WHAT and when Veronica invites betty over for croquet she’s like “Ummm, I’m busy” like wtf peathers you cant make up an ENTIRELY new character and just call her Betty??? This Betty does not have a single similar characteristic to the original Betty except for the fact that she and Veronica were friends in elementary school, like this Betty used to be friends with Heather Chandler and UGH

14.)Okay jd SMILES while telling Veronica in detail how his mother killed himself, Do I even need to explain how wrong this is??