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“Tell me”  
“Why’d you have to go and make me so constipated?”  
“‘Cause right now I’d do anything to just get my bowels evacuated”  
“In the bathroom, I sit and I wait and I strain”  
“And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain”  
“Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated?”  
“No no no”