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Life didn’t stop just because you were stuck on a problem; Discord had been so lost in his own thoughts that he’d almost forgotten what day of the week it was.
Though, as he looked through the windows into the dark room beyond, he thought that maybe he hadn’t been the only one.
It was teatime, yes?
Yet Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen, neither out on her grounds nor inside her home.
Rude.
With a huff, he teleported inside and threw himself onto the sofa. Fine, if she couldn’t be bothered to remember teatime, he’d just have to make himself at home while he waited for her. Maybe she’d like some new wallpapers?
Glancing around the dark room, he considered the possibilities of the space. Hmm… oh, yes, it would be much better with a neon ceiling. Maybe with some splatters of ultra violet to break up the monotony? Much better.
How about the walls? This was the living room, yet it was so silent and boring; surely it’d benefit from some life. So he made the walls sing opera off-key, while the furniture started to waltz around the sofa. Animals flitted out from holes in the walls to escape the noise, only to dart back in as they registered the guest in the center. Opera was preferable.
He’d just started to conduct the whole affair, waving his arms around wildly, when he took note of the paper on a table dancing by.
“Ooh!” he exclaimed, and turned it into a paper airplane, which did a few loop-de-loop before landing into his waiting paw. Everything around him stopped as he bent down to interpret the words written on it.
Reading had never been his strong suit, so it took a few minutes for him to get the gist of it. Something about an emergency with Sparky, Fluttershy was in the Crystal Empire, please come and help once he saw this.
Well, who was he to deny the request for aid from his dearest friend? With a pop, he disappeared from existence.
…
He appeared back in the room, snapped his talons to put everything back the way it had been, and then disappeared again for good.
His first reaction upon popping into the Crystal Heart’s Castle, had been a feeling of homelyness. Ponies were rushing to and fro, shouting, stumbling into each other, and yet more ponies tried to figure out why everyone else was panicking; a pure cacophony of confusion and chaos.
But while he might have enjoyed it, he’d known it most likely meant that something bad had happened. And this was where Fluttershy was. So he had turned invisible, and stalked through the halls –stopping only once to drop some marbles in front of a pony carrying a stack of papers– until he’d finally found her, her head buried into the annoying birdcat’s feathers. They were sitting on the floor of a random corridor, propped up against the cold crystal wall beneath a window. He faintly heard sobs coming from her.
Well, that wouldn’t do.
With a fanfare and shower of glittering fireflies, he appeared in front of them. “My dearest friend Fluttershy, in trouble?! Never fear, my dear, your loyal friend and confidant is here!” he shouted, with a pompous canterlot accent. As an afterthought, he snapped his fingers and brought a litter of puppies into Fluttershy’s lap, filling them with the urge to lick her face.
Honestly, he did not understand why ponies liked puppies licking them, when they so despised when he did it. So rude, these ponies.
The pony and griffin in front of him jumped at his sudden appearance, and the griffin even flew up in agitation as the hoard of barks appeared all around her.
“Oh, Discord!” Fluttershy said, as she instinctively picked up one of the puppies from her lap to keep it from falling off. “Did you see the note?”
“Why, yes, my darling, and I came as soon as chaos could carry me!” he said, as threw out a cape which had appeared around his shoulders. It billowed dramatically in a non-existent wind. “Something about a ne’er-do-well and her Rrroyal Highlyness Princess Sparklies needing our help? Worry not, for I shall–”
“Please Discord, you know I love your games, but this is serious.” Fluttershy interrupted him, as she flew up to put a hoof on his talon.
Closer up, he could see the tear tracks in her fur and her red eyes. Her fur was matted, her mane was in a disarray and he could see dark bags under her eyes which he was fairly certain meant she hadn’t been sleeping.
He sniffed. “Fine then.” And his cape turned into green smoke which drifted slowly towards the ceiling. “What is so serious?”
“You haven’t noticed anything??” the griffon said, incredulously. “Dude, the sun stayed up for like, almost sixteen hours!”
“Doesn’t it do that here though sometimes?”
“Not in autumn!” she clacked her beak in annoyance. “Twilight was so f**ing worried she took the sun from Celestia for a while!”
Discord made a face. “I’ve been… distracted,” he said. Then he registered what the chicken had said. Twilight had already commited theft of a celestial object?
…They grow up so fast.
“But good for her! I shall go congratulate her on her new criminal path in life.”
“Discord!” Fluttershy pushed against his chest with both hooves. “Would you just, stop and listen?!”
Her eyes focused unnaturally into his, her will bearing down on his mind. He metaphorically stepped back from his meat body just a little, and the compulsion to freeze lessened. …She knew The Stare never worked on him.
She really must be upset.
So he sighed, extending his arms so they could reach out to gather all the puppies which had started to wander down the corridor. He’d need some of that natural baby chaos in his lap if he’d get through such a serious conversation. A giant pillow appeared on the floor, which he threw himself on.
“Fill me in, then.”
And that’s the story of how Discord found himself floating around in a cave system, trying to find what was literally a small piece of keratin in a cave full of rocks. It was for a good cause, something a good friend would do, but it was so boOoOoring.
He felt a flare of anger at the ponies which caused this; not only did they make him have to spend his time on a task very unsuited for someone with the attention span of approximately three seconds, but they stole two ponies.
He contemplated again trying to get to their cells.
Woona had forbidden him, saying that they’d face justice in court or whatever… but maybe he could sneak in? Who’s kidding, he could absolutely sneak in; the issue was that Lunaley would find out and tell Fluttershy and she’d be less than happy with him. Probably. He was never the greatest at predicting ponies’ reactions.
He flew over the ground, peering down at anything which might be in the correct size… that’s a rock, that’s a rock, another rock, rock, rock, candy cane he’d made out of boredom…
Maybe he could convince Princess Moonshine that they’d be more likely to tell them where the thing had been broken off if he’d show them some chaos first. After hearing colors and feeling their nerves tap-dance for a few hours, they’d surely be more inclined to talk.
Another rock.
No, he was fairly certain that it was against at least one of the points on the long list of rules.
More rocks, more rocks, here rock, there rock. One rock, two rock, red rock, blue rock.
‘Rock’ was no longer a word.
“Oh!?” a voice said hopefully behind him. He grew another head out of the back of his neck, looking at the guard peering down at the ground he’d just passed over.
“Oh…” the guard said again, but sadly this time. He sighed down at the rock Discord had just turned blue, and turned to the chaos spirit. “Please don’t turn them blue, I thought I’d found it.”
Díscord rolled all four of his eyes, but snapped his claws, turning the previously blue rock magenta.
The guard, surprising Discord, actually smiled and nodded. “Thank you. And I assume you haven’t found it yet either?”
“No,” Discord said. “I thought I was supposed to search this floor? Or not, I’m not the best at instructions…”
“No, this was your section. We just finished ours already, and we were asked to help with the others.”
Discord honestly didn’t care. “Sure, whatever. I just want to find this stupid thing so I can get back to painting my grass.”
The guard turned to walk into another corridor of the cave. “I just hope we can find it before it’s too late.”
“It’s already too late, you ponies don’t have the tools to reattach the nerve after just a few minutes have passed.” Discord melded his two heads into one, and turned towards the ground. “I’m just doing this to humor you all.”
“Well, Princess Twilight will be working on it, and she can create new spells no one else had even dreamed of before in just a few hours. I’m sure she’ll figure something out.”
“What are you, a fancolt? She’s almost as likely to unintentionally make chaos as me when she’s this stressed, and that’s saying something.”
The guard frowned in his direction. “I still hope she can help –missing that big of a piece of her horn, the poor little princess won’t be able to control her magic at all.” With that, the guard actually walked down the side tunnel, tail swishing in agitation.
Ponies valued control way too much in Discord’s opinion.
And besides, it wasn’t like she’d be harmed if she couldn’t control it –at worst, she’d probably just explode whatever’s in front of her. Which, okay, might harm others, but at least she herself would be relatively unharmed.
Unicorns were silly. Pegasi could lose their wings, and still kick around clouds with no issue. Earth ponies could lose their… hooves?? Discord honestly didn’t know what was their main manipulator for their magic. But they could use their head or stomach or whatever, and still use their magic.
It was only unicorns who were stupid enough to put all their young in one storage container. Yes, let’s grow an appendage for controlling magic, and then make it channel all of our magic through it, so we’re just completely out of luck if we lose it. Good idea.
Whatever. Back to looking at rocks.
He floated across the uneven ground again, idly wondering if Pinkie’s sister was helping; if anyone was boring enough to want to stare at rocks for hours, it’d be her. Or maybe Rarebear could cast her fancy-shmancy rock-finding spell in reverse? What he wouldn’t give for the ability to cast that right now.
Rock, rock, rock…
Okay, he had to admit, their stupid horns were good at what they were made for. Unicorns’ fine control over their magic was unparalleled by the other ponies, all because of how intricate their horns were.
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock…
Sure, they’d sacrificed any and all passive magic, and they were pretty screwed in situations like this, but they were pretty good at controlling their magic. He was spirit enough to say it, at least to himself when no one else could hear him.
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock…
Levitation was difficult, with how you had to negate gravity by applying just enough force on just the right places to move it as you wanted. And unicorn babies could do that without even needing to be taught…
Rock, rock, ro–
And all because of their–
Discord landed on all fours with a loud ‘thump’, that shook the stalactites and vibrated the floor.
The guard must have heard the sound, because his voice came echoing down the cave. “Hey, what was that? Did you find it?!”
Discord stared down at the small nub of a horn laying on the ground in front of him.
“No,” he said back. He picked it up, cradling it in his lion paw.
“I haven’t.”
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