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What did anon do this time?
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+-SH safe2176485 +-SH artist:lockhe4rt404 +-SH spike92467 +-SH twilight sparkle358138 +-SH oc948622 +-SH oc:filly anon4094 +-SH alicorn314867 +-SH earth pony447238 +-SH pony1604717 +-SH g42031105 +-SH angry36691 +-SH female1805045 +-SH filly97502 +-SH pixel art15978 +-SH raised hoof70060 +-SH simple background597427 +-SH twilight sparkle (alicorn)149559 +-SH white background162310
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Edited
I find both to be satisfying, depending on how much of a wall of text I’m supposed to be harping on. helping people improve is great, but I’m not getting paid to do it, so if it’s too much trouble for me, there’s no shame in just saying I don’t like it. someone points out the part that I didn’t read which proves me wrong, then I’m wrong and still don’t give a shit.
that’s not a really high bar…
||> if your brother is fucking the Princess of love and gets her pregnant, that kind of puts some pressure on you.
so, once again, princess cadance ruins everything forever. yeah I can see that.
but at that point, twilight already committed utterly irredeemable acts and deserves everything filly anon does to her.
remember, only the initiator of aggression violates the NAP||
yeah, it shocks anon when she tries to say she used to be human, or talks about humans, or betrays twilight, except when she doesn’t do so out loud, or thinks about being human, except when it doesn’t. if your plot collar has to have human level intelligence and judgement, in order to outsmart the human wearing it, that’s about the opposite of clear rules.
sounds like ego tripping to me. I discover a story as much as create it. I’ll write 5,000 words then delete them all because it wasn’t working. if all I can think to do is have my characters stand around confused and bored asking “so what now?” that’s not me in control. that’s me making a mistake. if I can’t find the words to make a shock collar work, then maybe a shock collar was a bad idea.
that’s one reason greentext stories suck, because the edit button is a lie
@Twilight_Shimmer
yeah, we probably should shut up, I guess… I feel like I’m helping though.
Not really drama, I’m just discussing what makes me uncomfortable about the story. Don’t know about the other two though.
Edited
the way I would have ended it is after anon visits twilight to rub in what a bad mother she is, they find that twilight hung herself in her cell, next to a note that says I HATE YOU ANON. YOU DID THIS TO ME
I’m definitely not a fan of the kind of character whom twilight portrayed, but I wouldn’t say I hated her. the only way for her to get the help she needs is to fail, get caught, and get held accountable for her actions, so that’s kind of what I found myself wishing for. not because she’d hang herself in her cell AHAHAHHAHAH but because until she got caught, there was no one to stop her from spiralling ever further downward into madness. everyone would be so surprised when she has a meltdown, because they were so sure she was such a nice pony all this time, and they couldn’t possibly have seen it coming,
because they’re fucking idiots.I dunno, I can’t really hate anyone for anything. just the way my brain works, I think.
Not hard for me to hate her. Twilight is actually breaking at least three laws: false imprisonment, kidnapping, and child abuse. Both only that, but also takes away her voice AND her free will. I mean, what would Celestia think of Twilight if she found out she was brainwashing someone? I feel the best ending was Anon killing himself.
I mean, Twilight INTENTIONALLY (or implied) that she turned Anon into a filly, then repeatedly lied about trying to change him back. Then locking her in a basement to eat out of a dog bowl, force-feeding her soap, and then taking away her free will. She may be deluding herself into thinking her intentions are good, but she has no right to do that to anyone. The biggest thing that makes me uncomfortable is the Stockholm syndrome and the memory loss. I’m pretty sure that would technically be mind-rape. How can she be the Princess of Friendship if she doesn’t allow her “friends” to have free will? She’s even worse than Glimmer, because at least Glimmer didn’t entirely remove the town’s free will, they could at least still scream for help.
it was hard not to skim a l l t h a t t e x t, but I made it through about half of it. do you usually continue to read stories you don’t enjoy, just so you can criticise them?
I don’t really know what counts as spoilers, so
||
the story was pretty clearly implying that twilight was stalling on changing him back, and that she even made note of the day the transformation became irreversible. anyway, it’s possible to rationalize twilight as a total force of good who was deceived by her gonads. I was trying to say that if the guy I replied to hated twilight, he’d have to give a pass on her author, who wasn’t exactly subtle in the way they were yanking on people’s heart strings.
but I mean, fluttershy didn’t have any kids. rainbow dash was uhhhhhhhh not exactly wanting to be scootaloo’s mother if you know what I mean. so twilight was a little too conveniently given the onus of being a super mothery mother, which makes it harder to hate her for it than if the author didn’t have to force it quite as much.
I might make twilight less culpable, by revealing that anon doesn’t know how she turned into a filly, and that anon never actually was a human, in equestria. just like you said. I could also have filly anon be a little more scarily effective in her threats, so twilight’s reaction is easier to sympathize with. I wouldn’t have a cheesy psychic shock collar, more like a systemic assassination of anon’s character, as she tries to spill the beans, but twilight keeps turning it around to undermine her credibility. there was a little of that in the trial, but eh, it was after shock collar shenanigans. if I had to use a shock collar, it wouldn’t be as effective, because I wouldn’t let it just be “shock her when plot convenient.” there would be clear rules for how it worked, so anon would game the fuck out of it. a lot of my characters actually end up fucking up my story ideas, and taking it in a different direction. and I’m fine with that.
||
Edited
before you blame twilight, keep in mind that it was 4chan that created that story, not her. just to point out a few things:
so the story itself is kind of on shaky foundations and fetishtastic (how many hundreds of pages are about anon doing cute filly things?). makes it hard to hate twilight, if she’s been so crudely caricatured.
Okay now I genuinely want that Twilight to suffer and die.
Oh, that’s only the half of it. You want to read something really fucked up, take a gander here:
https://pastebin.com/KhjZSSSp
https://pastebin.com/F0M2tBQS
Filly Anon: “i DIDN’T MEAN TO! i JUST WANTED TO READ IT,I DIDN’T MEAN TO SPILL MY DRINK ON IT!
Spike: “OH SURE YOU DIDN’T!!”
Twilight: “BOTH of you settle down NOW!”