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Description:

You just stared at the pony who had said that. At least you were fairly certain she was a pony; she was huge and built quite differently, looking much more equine than the ‘ponies’ you were used to. Her features, from her muzzle to her horn and wings, were far larger and more pronounced, and she had a massive rainbow mane that seemed to drift as if it were underwater. You figured by pony standards she would be quite beautiful… if she wasn’t such a complete wreck. She was weaving on the clearly undersized stool, her wings half-erect and wobbly, and her mane draping lifelessly over her shoulder. There were big bags under her dopey eyes, suggesting she had sat here sipping from what appeared to be a bottle of whiskey clutched between her hooves for quite some time. You weren’t sure what to say so you just flashed a sympathetic smile.
“But no!” she said, slurring heavily and struggling to stay awake, “They said girls think queens are mean and old and ugly so they said I hadda be a princess…” she sighed heavily, “they think I’m old… and mean… and… and PINK! They think I’m pink! …And they say horribable things about me… …” she slurred and trailed off into a mumble you couldn’t quite hear.
She was clearly having one hell of a bad day. “But if they made you a princess because queens are old and mean and ugly, that must mean you’re nice and young and beautiful, right?”
She stared with her mouth agape, as if it didn’t even sink in at first, and a faint dopey smile spread across her face. “You’re sweet… c’mere.” Her horn lit up a warm yellow and you and your stool were pulled toward her. You tried to fight it but it was like struggling against a strong current that thrust you roughly into her side. “No nononono…” she mumbled, “I’m giving you a winghug… don’t fight it let it happen.” She draped her huge wing around you and pressed you against her warm body, and you caught a strong whiff of alcohol on her breath as she leaned in and nuzzled your cheek.
“There there,” you said, unsure of what to say as you fought your arm free of her surprisingly strong wing and stroked her shoulder.
“See?” she slurred, “Imma nice pony. I’m nice and soft and warm… You don’t think I’m a tyrant do you? Or a troll or a pervert? I didn’t wanna to send my sister to the moon but I hadda stop her from destroying the world… and I didn’t wanna leave her there for a thousand years… but there was nuthin I could do… You believe me right…? Just say Imma big cute pretty princess who’s doing a good job… I really need that. I’m trying so hard…”
Yikes you thought. Just how absurdly powerful did these ‘ponies’ get?!
“I… I just want some comfort,” she lamented, cutting you off before you could even answer. “You’re… you’re pretty huggleable…” she said, gently stroking your back with her wing as she spoke, “I gotta few more hours before I gotta be up for work… wanna come to the palace and be my Royal Snuggler… for tonight…? I need a new Royal Snuggler…”
She seemed nice, and it was tempting, but you were too afraid to go with her. You were intimidated by Twilight Sparkle’s scary power, let alone what this pony was capable of. “I’m sorry,” you said, hoping you wouldn’t tick her off, “b-but I promised a friend I’d–”
“Say no more,” she slurred, putting a hoof to your mouth, “I’m proudda ya, doing what you promised your friend… because Friendship Is Magic. Don’t ever let anyone tell ya utherwise…” With that she rose into the air and vanished in a huge blinding flash of white light.
You just stared at the empty space where she had sat for what felt like an hour and then returned to your drink. You didn’t know who she was, but she must have one hell of a day job, and you hoped it all worked out for her in the end.
safe1878689 artist:badumsquish2181 derpibooru exclusive31960 princess celestia101430 alicorn256652 pony1224551 alcohol8266 bar1459 blushing224166 breaking the fourth wall1087 bronybait3158 complaining119 depressed974 depressedia54 dialogue74598 drinking4046 drunk5333 drunk bubbles408 drunk celestia36 drunklestia158 female1516454 food81071 messy mane8609 offscreen character40272 open mouth179037 pov15967 sitting72944 solo1195196 speech bubble28265 spread wings66952 stool1899 story in the comments818 story included10490 talking to viewer3708 whiskey495

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BADASSassin

Last clopper on Earth
@Badumsquish  
Sounds like the cushiest job ever. Though I doubt it would have involved remaining in the bed when the employer got in, which is what I would hope for with Celly.
Posted Report
Badumsquish
Generic Messy Hair Anime Anon - Seen and done more than you can imagine
Kalianne - Derpi Supporter
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab

ᗡ: 📶 📡
@BADASSassin  
There actually was a job sort of like that back in the day. Noblemen would actually hire someone to lay in their bed a few hours before they wanted to sleep so they didn’t have to crawl into a cold bed XD
Posted Report
mjangelvortex
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!

Lady of Ships and Birbs
I think she should have been a Queen too and that the excuse Hasbro made for not making her a queen was rather flimsy considering Disney didn’t have many evil queens (about two I think, all of which were made before Walt himself passed away) and because Hasbro themselves made multiple good queen ponies for the older Generations of MLP.
 
That being said, given Luna, I guess it’s rather sweet in hindsight that the two of them share the same title. Hopefully if G5 has Celestia, Luna, and Cadance, they can make Celestia a queen since they’ll have Cadance for the marketable cute pink princess thing.
Lurid Beam

Alistair from Dragon Age has a scene much like this one in the second game. He’s a drunkard and talks about how he should have been the king of Ferelden.
ShimmeringStallion

I definitely wish this sort of thing would continue… in as ridiculous of a situation as possible; like having Celestia be asleep on the couch when the first-person protagonist returns home, with Luna there to say that Celestia demanded to be there, and that she needs to sober up first.