The Continuing Adventures of Medi-Bat

BigBuggyBastage
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

Go fsck yourself
@Joseph Raszagal
This…this was adorable. Missed you, man.

Side note: you're way ahead of me if you've an upcoming therapy appointment. I've lost BOTH my psychiatrist AND therapist since the beginning of "The Virus Time". Not that they're dead, but a) my psychiatrist moved to another practice, and b) I fired my therapist because he was totally useless. I'm already having trouble staying on an even keel, with the assholes around here lighting off fireworks randomly, triggering my PTSD — nevermind that it's illegal and can net a $1,000 fine, the local asshat sheriff doesn't seem to give a damn.

@Joseph Raszagal
So basically, you take Ed, make her the size of a [thumb]…

Eeeee Now she's even more adorable! :D
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@Communist Starlight
I happen to think so too x3 . It's just what comes immediately to mind whenever I write her. She might also be a bit more sarcastic, but that's probably just a little of myself leaking in, you know? I'm a sarcastic kind of guy, so whenever I write something stupid for myself to say, I feel like I kind of need Medi to say something equally sarcastic that'll put me in my place.

@BigBuggyBastage
Oh no, my friend, I've been without psychiatric help for years now; well before the current crisis. I understand your plight and I do not recommend it. I'm asking you, right now, as a random friend on the interbuttz, to continue seeking help so long as you feel you need it. It makes a helluva difference, yo. If you have the insurance, the help necessary, or even just somebody who loves you that's willing to foot the bill, get that help.

I had money… you know… at one point in time, but I ran out of that and therefore ran out of help. It's kind of funny how things work in America sometimes (shut up, Starlight; now's not the time to brag about Communism) xD . I laugh because otherwise I would cry, and there's so few tears left to shed in that sector sometimes. I think I may have mentioned it before, but I'm supposed to be medicated with quetiapine, but the cost for the prescription was so outrageous that I eventually just started going without. My therapist, whom at the time I could still afford, really hated the fact that I couldn't afford the meds he prescribed me (and even tried to worm some ways around the cost with legally questionable methods… but still failed), but there just wasn't much that could be done.

So now I just self-medicate with booze, weed, and the high-hopes that "all's well that ends well". It doesn't really work, but hey, I'm still here. My anxiety is still a mile high and I still have panic attacks, but all things considered, I think I'm doing Dr. Doug pretty proud by not being dead yet x3 .

Have I mentioned yet that I'm drinking right now? I feel like I'm saying a lot that I shouldn't. Somebody shut me up with something cute and/or funny. I feel like a stand-up comic on the floor dying in front of a booing audience right now. Help me, I can hear the booing right now and I don't think I can make the audience shut up xD .
97blackbird

@Joseph Raszagal
I don't think I can cheer your inabillity to acquire appropriate medications, but I shall cheer this:
but all things considered, I think I'm doing Dr. Doug pretty proud by not being dead yet x3 .

Bravo, Joe. Well done! We are all glad that you're here!
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@97blackbird
Yay for the not-deadness! xD

Like I said, drunk out of my mind, but at the very least, I'm in a very positive and non-destructive headspace right now. And I'm glad to share that with anyone and everyone.

Quite sincerely, I hope you're all having an amazing night. If you're not, feel free to share with me, and I'll try to help in what little ways a drunk idiot can. We might not really know each other, not really, but I'd like to think that even in my own stupid way I can help. I just want you all to be okay.

It's a wide and wild world we're living in, scarier now than ever, and I'd like everyone to stay as safe as possible. This might just be a drunk man's ramblings, but I do mean that. I care. In my own, supremely stupid way, I care.

Stay safe, my friends. For Medi's sake.
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@Communist Starlight
Only if it wasn't in previous Communist Russia, considering Stalin kicked all the good Jewish doctors out into the Siberian work-camps x3 .

Also, current Russia isn't exactly the epitome of healthcare. Take it from a man with family there lol (but not lol).
BigBuggyBastage
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

Go fsck yourself
@Joseph Raszagal
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Brother Joe. hug I need all the help I can get, and although I am making aggressive efforts to get it, I am being denied for superfluous reasons.

For example, want to know why the "Urgent Care" (for mental health issues) wouldn't do a tele-therapy appointment?

I don't have a webcam.

Oh, but they were sure to remind me that I'm more than welcome to make the three-hour drive (180 miles) across the state to their facility, and risk MY health AND that of my parents — I would totally lose my sh!t if I brought COVID back to my parents, nevermind ME getting it, and I am fairly sure it'd kill at least one of them. All so some NP bint can write me a 'script, for treating symptoms I can EASILY describe over the phone, WITHOUT a bloody webcam.

I have considered drinking as a solution (really), but a) I've "done my time" with alcohol my first two years at engineering college, and b) it lowers the seizure threshold with one of the medications I take (Wellbutrin XL). Judging by how badly I've been shaking lately, I think it's a Bad Idea™ to add alcohol to the list. Right now, I need a short-acting sedative like Ketamine, or one of the 'light' benzodiazepines, like diazepam (Valium) or clonazepam (Klonopin); nothing as 'heavy' as Xanax. Just something to take the edge off, stop me from involuntarily shaking, and allow me to function as a human being again, at least until these inbred hucklebucks stop exploding bombs and whatever else around me.

If I didn't say so before, I have Type 2 bipolar disorder (which is notoriously difficult to diagnose), and thanks to my "laissez faire" psychiatry team, it is VERY poorly managed. I'm not looking for sympathy, but believe me, it's a challenge when you're experiencing depression and/or hypomania on top of Type 1 diabetes, numerous allergies, asthma, etc, and don't even understand WTF is going on. I'm fortunate now, in that I actually know what I'm experiencing, so I can take supportive action. Before hospitalization and diagnosis about a year and a half ago, I'd simply slip into psychosis after not sleeping for four to five days straight, be admitted to ER, given a VERY LIMITED number of fun pills (4-5?), and sent on my way. Rinse and repeat once every 6-15 months, add more as needed for triggering experiences.

I was actually prescribed a very low dose of quetiapine (Seroquel) while I was hospitalized, 25 mg I think, and took it for a couple of months afterward. But OMG, it felt like my ex-GF was sitting on my head the ENTIRE TIME! LoL My in-patient psych told me he wouldn't hesitate to give THAT low a dose to a five-year-old, yet it would knock me the fuck OUT every night. Goddamn, he was a brilliant psychiatrist, probably one of the brightest minds I've yet to encounter in this lifetime. The bitch is that I'd have to be readmitted to see him again.

Anyway, despite the fact quetiapine turned me into a mellow, sexual tyrannosaurus, the mind-splitting headaches, on top of the 'brain fog', were too much to bear, and I had to quit taking quetiapine altogether. The next several months were spent on many different drugs, my outpatient psych apparently pulling a random drug name out of a hat he kept in his office: Lamictal, Depakote, amitriptyline, Abilify, and trazodone among the ones I can recall. None of them really helped me; I learned a whole new appreciation for the words "side-effect profile," though. I think I need to get a psychiatrist who's willing to UNDERSTAND what my mental & physical health issues are, LISTEN to what I've already experienced and logically worked out, and then EXPERIMENT a bit to find the solution(s).


We're still alive, so I guess that means we can fight through another day. I'm not giving up, even when I want to, because I know where that road leads.
97blackbird

@BigBuggyBastage
Wow… I work at a detox center (been there less than a year) and I'm amazed at how many of those drugs you mentioned that I recognize and distribute. Seroquel is often prescribed and given at night precisely to knock them out. 100mg-300mg is standard. so 25mg is quite low. You definitely aren't drug seeking.
I'd recommend keeping a journal and writing down a summary (similar to what you just did) for when you do get an appointment. I took this at X dose for this amount of time, the effects were… Etc.
It might help convince the Doctor you aren't just giving him a line to get something exotic.

PS. mellow Sexual Tyrannosaurus..??? Does that mean when you feel the urge, you'd like to jack off but you can't..?
BigBuggyBastage
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

Go fsck yourself
@97blackbird
That's not a bad thought, to actually write down the medications, dosages, and effects. I can usually spout them off from memory, but after a stressful three-hour drive, I'll admit I'm not as lucid as usual. :3 Thanks for the idea!

@97blackbird
PS. mellow Sexual Tyrannosaurus..??? Does that mean when you feel the urge, you'd like to jack off but you can't..?

LoL That only happens when I've been given SSRIs, like Lexapro or Celexa. No, Seroquel made me smooth as Hell — the girls at the hospital loved me — and it was like being 18 again, under the surface, if you follow me. LoL If it wasn't for that headache & brain fog it caused, yeah, I'd still be on it, no question. XD
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@BigBuggyBastage
Okay, there's a lot to unpack here, but considering you're a friend and the very nature of the conversation itself, I feel it very necessary to do so.

While I'm a heavy drinker and have been for a good while now, I've taken quite a few steps to cut back. It's not an everyday thing for me anymore, as it used to be, and that's a good thing. Alcohol is rarely a solution to any problem; if anything, it exacerbates a problem that much worse.

The prescription medication, however, I can comment on even more. Even the specific ones. I've been on Valium (not effective for me by way of, yes, I wasn't anxious anymore, but I also wasn't effective in my daily life either), Klonopin (mostly the same; it felt like I just floated around without really interacting with my own life), and Xanax (didn't change my anxiety at all; only made me tired). The only odd thing to me is that you considered Xanax the "heavy" medication. It was one of the first prescribed to me and just did little more than make me feel like going to bed. Keep in mind, brain chemistry meds have the bad habit of doing different things to different people often. Because of that, it's hard to tell what one will do to you just by judging what it did to someone else. It's one of the reasons I was prescribed it within a trial phase.

The only med that ended up working for me, in a realistic way, was Seroquel. It made me very double extra tired, but I was able to rectify that with coffee and tea. So basically caffeine. I only found out about that med once I was already in the hospital however, and that's not a story that I'm willing to share, you know?

The point I'm trying to make is that meds can very often be unreliable. Therapy really is the best bet. Obviously, I'm not asking you to risk your own health or the health of those you hold close to your heart (I'd like to think I'm not that callous), but I think there has to be another way for you to have these conversations with a professional. Or at least I'd like there to be such a way.

Mostly, I just hope you're still hanging in there and doing okay. Shit's super hard right now and I don't want the heads of my friends to be under the water. I haven't seen help in a long time and, Stars and Stones, I know I could use a good psyche couch to scream into. I don't know if things are going to get any better, not at all, but I know that I have to keep struggling. Scraping. Scratching. Clawing, even. I'm not willing to let my brain tell me that the ride's over and it's time to get off. I'm scared to death of that idea.

Just try to hang in there, man. I wish there was more I could say or offer.
BigBuggyBastage
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

Go fsck yourself
First of all, sorry for getting so downtrodden with real-life shtuff in an otherwise entertaining, light-hearted thread. Sometimes it helps for me to exposit what I'm going through via keyboard, if not writing with a pencil & paper to my personal notebook. It allows me to organize my own thoughts, as well as serving as a 'sanity check' when I come back to read it later, and I really do value you guys' feedback immensely.


@Joseph Raszagal
The only med that ended up working for me, in a realistic way, was Seroquel. It made me very double extra tired, but I was able to rectify that with coffee and tea. So basically caffeine.

Seroquel worked so great for at least three people I got to know rather well while in the hospital, and I was disappointed that I couldn't get it to work for me. Having to throw in the towel at baby dosages was quite a blow, but it also took quite a while to clear from my system. That brain fog lingered for two more months, so it left me with some reluctance to try more antipsychotics as maintenance for my bipolar disorder. Hence why my last psych was throwing tricyclics and anti-epilepsy meds at me quasi-randomly.

The reason I put Xanax as a heavy-hitter was because of what I've seen it do to others who are also sensitive to meds to which I'm sensitive, i.e. it pretty much knocked them out for a day. By the way, you've reminded me of how much coffee I drank while I was on Seroquel, and simultaneously deprived of my Adderall: about a pot and a half a day! It was the same story with SSRIs, back in 2008: cup after cup, just to stay awake.

The point I'm trying to make is that meds can very often be unreliable. Therapy really is the best bet. Obviously, I'm not asking you to risk your own health or the health of those you hold close to your heart (I'd like to think I'm not that callous), but I think there has to be another way for you to have these conversations with a professional. Or at least I'd like there to be such a way.

We're in the same camp on this. To paraphrase, meds only take the edge off. I know I need both a psychiatrist and a therapist, and both of them need to be *M.D.*s, who can understand the complex interactions between my conditions & medications.

I'm pressing my old psych's office harder, and "warned" them I'll be calling back regularly. LoL If I'm still without help in a few weeks, I'll go over their heads, and strike up a conversation with their "main campus" supervisors — my psych's office is a satellite of their main facility. If that fails, I'll inquire with the state watchdogs, namely The Michigan Board of Psychology, and MDHHS (Michigan Department of Health and Human Services), as to what I should do next. (Moving to Canada seems like a viable option.)

I think I've got most of the tele-therapy problem solved. The guy I spoke to the other day at the urgent care must've totally misunderstood me. I've loaded the proper program on my phone, and SHOULD be able to have an appointment as soon as one's available. The "next-best" option is making the three-hour drive tomorrow.

Just try to hang in there, man. I wish there was more I could say or offer.

You've been more help than I think you realize. :)
BigBuggyBastage
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

Go fsck yourself
Okay, I don't want to leave you guys hanging, or worrying about whether this crazy dude on the Internet is gonna lose his sh!t and go AWOL, so here's what happened (spoiler: it's not bad). I did the tele-therapy urgent care thingamabob this afternoon. Number one question from them was, "how do you NOT have a psychiatrist AND therapist, with what you've got going on?!" LoL Yeah, I have a feeling there's gonna be a total shitstorm over this, somewhere in that organization, at some point in the near future.

Anyway, after the appointment concluded, I had good news and bad news.

Bad news: urgent care CANNOT prescribe useful "controlled" drugs, like the benzodiazepines I'd mentioned. Thanks again, druggies! >:[

Good news: my doctor was very knowledgeable and understanding, and THAT helped me tremendously. We even bantered a bit about what would be best, given the limitations, and settled on an old-school drug called clonidine. It's used for a pretty wide variety of conditions; mainly hypertension, but also "hyperarousal caused by post-traumatic stress disorder," which is the real kibbles-n'-bits of what I've been going through this entire month, i.e. explosions go off, I start shaking and screaming.

Gooder news: I've got a frickin' huge vial of it sitting on my desk right now, and it only cost $1.34. That's right: one dollar, thirty-four cents. :D If this stuff works, it'll be the lowest-cost remedy I've ever had in my life.

Still trying to decide whether I want to try it tonight, or save it for when I truly need it. I've got plenty, and I'm eager to know whether it'll work for me or not. But on the flip side, things are relatively quiet this evening (oh great, now I've cursed it lol), it's supposed to kick in within an hour, and I don't like taking any meds I don't need. Ugh…I think I'll just wait and see how quickly I can crash.

A glimmer of hope, in an ocean of darkness.


@Communist Starlight
Thanks, man. :)
97blackbird

I've heard far too many horror stories to trust therapists, and sometimes even doctors.


Yeah, it's sad when therapists bring their own agendas or prejudices into the session. I've never forgotten the therapist is spelled "The Rapist".
In mental health, it seems far more important to listen to the patient. And that means time. No quick fixes.
My best wishes for your journey with this doctor.
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@Communist Starlight
Am I the most normal???

My Communist friend, we're all mad here. If Tom Waits taught me anything, it's that when it comes to our mental health, God's away on business.

@BigBuggyBastage
Seroquel worked so great for at least three people I got to know rather well while in the hospital, and I was disappointed that I couldn't get it to work for me. Having to throw in the towel at baby dosages was quite a blow, but it also took quite a while to clear from my system. That brain fog lingered for two more months, so it left me with some reluctance to try more antipsychotics as maintenance for my bipolar disorder. Hence why my last psych was throwing tricyclics and anti-epilepsy meds at me quasi-randomly.

Yeah, that's the big thing that sucks with the world of prescription meds. There's no real guarantee that what worked for someone else will work for you, no matter how happy the other party seemed with the specific med in question =/ . And I can definitely attest to the lasting effects that Seroquel had on me, sticking around for a long while even after I ran out of the funds necessary to keep it a part of my daily regimen. The odd thing for me was that I felt even foggier during the month and a half or so that I spent getting used to being off of it… and then the panic attacks and hallucinations seemed to come back twice as strong just to spite me xD . Because, you know, of course they did. Throw gasoline on the fire and all that jazz.

The way I worded it to my therapist was something along the lines of, "Have you ever wanted to get your own brain alone in an empty room and beat the everloving shit out of it?" She laughed, immediately apologized for laughing, then asked me if I was talking about self-harm. I had to clarify that, no, I was just frustrated and making a joke at my stupid, malfunctioning brain's expense x3 .

@BigBuggyBastage
I'm pressing my old psych's office harder, and "warned" them I'll be calling back regularly. LoL If I'm still without help in a few weeks, I'll go over their heads, and strike up a conversation with their "main campus" supervisors — my psych's office is a satellite of their main facility. If that fails, I'll inquire with the state watchdogs, namely The Michigan Board of Psychology, and MDHHS (Michigan Department of Health and Human Services), as to what I should do next. (Moving to Canada seems like a viable option.)

I think I've got most of the tele-therapy problem solved. The guy I spoke to the other day at the urgent care must've totally misunderstood me. I've loaded the proper program on my phone, and SHOULD be able to have an appointment as soon as one's available. The "next-best" option is making the three-hour drive tomorrow.

I'm glad to hear that you've still got options when it comes to therapy. And I totally get it, yo. Pressure them as hard as you have to.

Go over those heads, then go over the heads of the guys that you could only reach by going over the other guys' heads, then fly over some more heads just for the Hell of it. If that's what you have to do, yo, then the immortal words of Shia LaBeouf ring loud and true. Just stay strong and stick in there, you know? This might not be a boxing match, but I'm still in your corner rooting for you all the same =) .

@BigBuggyBastage
Bad news: urgent care CANNOT prescribe useful "controlled" drugs, like the benzodiazepines I'd mentioned. Thanks again, druggies! >:[

Tell me about it, yo! >=C

If it exists, no matter what the "it" in question actually is, chances are that some asshole out there tried to get high off of it. I had friends in the band ask me about my Seroquel and my main response was always, "Brain meds, dude. Antipsychotic. Even if you're just curious, I want you to think about this, 'Do you need it?' If the answer is no, then wtf are you even asking me this for?" xD

@BigBuggyBastage
Good news: my doctor was very knowledgeable and understanding, and THAT helped me tremendously. We even bantered a bit about what would be best, given the limitations, and settled on an old-school drug called clonidine. It's used for a pretty wide variety of conditions; mainly hypertension, but also "hyperarousal caused by post-traumatic stress disorder," which is the real kibbles-n'-bits of what I've been going through this entire month, i.e. explosions go off, I start shaking and screaming.

Gooder news: I've got a frickin' huge vial of it sitting on my desk right now, and it only cost $1.34. That's right: one dollar, thirty-four cents. :D If this stuff works, it'll be the lowest-cost remedy I've ever had in my life.

Still trying to decide whether I want to try it tonight, or save it for when I truly need it. I've got plenty, and I'm eager to know whether it'll work for me or not. But on the flip side, things are relatively quiet this evening (oh great, now I've cursed it lol), it's supposed to kick in within an hour, and I don't like taking any meds I don't need. Ugh…I think I'll just wait and see how quickly I can crash.

A glimmer of hope, in an ocean of darkness.

[JUST LEMME REV UP THE MARCHING BAND, BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST NEWS I'VE HEARD ALL DAMN DAY, YO!] =D

No joke at all, I'm glad you got that call through and have some meds lined up. Even better, I'm happy that you're in a positive headspace right now, feeling calm about the days to come. You're hanging in there swimmingly and I'm both thankful and proud of ya for it. Rock on, dude.

@Communist Starlight
@BigBuggyBastage
A glimmer of hope
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Goddammit xD .
97blackbird

saw this:

Got me to me thinking.
I don't know if AJ is a favorite of yours, but if you were to redo AJ to make her a more versatile character, what would you do?
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@97blackbird
Wait, are you asking me?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

First off, the Mane 6 are all favorites of mine. It sometimes depends on how their episodes work out, but I love all of 'em. So, if I were to add something that hasn't been introduced with AJ's character yet, I guess it would be similar to what my communist comrade just above me brought up. AJ's already been shown to be good with tools and has the do-it-herself attitude she'd need to be a home-mechanic.

It's kind of why, with the Team Fortress 2 parodies, I always fancied her as the Engineer. She just seems like she'd legitimately be good at it.

I could actually see her building something, maybe even for the simple fun of doing so. She just seems like the kind of girl that would actively enjoy the process of working on a hard project like creating a machine, specializing it once it's been made, and then improving it once's she's already made it.

Plus, when it comes to why I enjoy AJ, she's a very practical pony. I feel like when it comes to actual application, she'd invent things that would be realistically useful. Twilight would invent experimental things, but AJ would work on things that could be used immediately and for things that needed to be done in the here and now.

Super drunk again, by the way. I feel like that was ranting, but I don't know xD . I hope I explained my feelings on the matter well enough.
97blackbird

I decided my nineteenth pet is going to be named "Covid"
Then I can travel the world with Covid — 19.

I just hope he never runs away. Can you imagine asking someone to help you catch Covid 19?
Communist Starlight

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