The Continuing Adventures of Medi-Bat

FeatherTrap
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
Dream Come True! - Participated in the MLP 9th Anniversary Event
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2019) - Celebrated Derpibooru's seventh year anniversary with friends
Condensed Milk - State-Approved Compensation

Gone to Ponybooru
@97blackbird
W-what I'm asking is if somepony could p-please make an image of Medi-Bat as the Medi-Vac from Starcraft 2. Preferably with the line "The power of Medi-Bat compels you!" :3
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@FeatherTrap

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Master, why is it hard to come up with ideas? I've been wondering about that for a while now."

Me: [Scratching my head helplessly] "Man, that's a hard one to answer. That would actually ask of me talent that I'm not really sure I have, you know? Talking about the creation of content isn't necessarily the same thing as creating it, something that I'm already pretty bad about doing on a decent schedule anyway. I already kind of suck at that."

[Medi screams at me for being a terrible person, which I suppose I am]

I'm sorry, guys, I really am. I can only come up with so much bullshit so fast, you know? I promise there'll be more soon, I'm just busy right now with real-life crap. If I could spend all my time on the forums here, just having drunk fun, then that'd be awesome. Sadly, life won't let me have the job that I'd really, really like xD .
Communist Starlight

Crushing inequality
@Joseph Raszagal
Ok, ok. Time for my STory skills to come into play! * Ahem *
Once upon a time there was a bat and they became a communist the end.
Kidding!
Here's some QUALITY storytime for yall.

Medi-vacbat: Master, I do quite believe we aren't being written by the same person.

Hooman: Yeah, I sense it too.
[Scratches head]

Medi-bat: Well, I suppose that won't stop us from our silly shenanigans, will it?

Hooman: No, I suppose not. Anyways, let's see whats in my bloodstream this time.

[Medi-bat flies over, and pricks his finger.]
[Medi-bat looks up, concerned.]

Medi-bat: Master, have you been excersising, because your blood pressure is… lower than normal.

Hooman: No, no I have not.
[Passes out]

Medi-vac-bat: Don't worry master, I'm in the pipe, 5 by 5.
97blackbird

@Communist Starlight

I appreciated your offering.
Here's my attempt at following your story.

LOC* due to hypotension, possibly orthostatic.
Prescribe: 50,000 volt stimulus applied to Gluteus as needed to animate patient into vigorous ambulation.

Medivac-batpony's eyes grew wide. Master wasn't going to like this, but the Medtech instructions were clear.

More that just a few tugs on his clothes were needed to exposed the area indicated. Once accomplished, Medi swallowed and set her probes to full charge.

"I'm sorry, Master." Medi said with a grimace, "But this is for your own good!" She thrust the probe forward, contacting the skin and blue-white shocks arced out from the point of contact.
The effects were immediate.

"YEEEOOOW!" Master jumped up instantly, tossing Medi up and nearly into a wall. Her wings barely saved her from collision.

"Little Buddy, why did you just shock me in the —

"Master! I'm so glad you're up!" Medi flew over to his head and hugged his hair as well as she could in her Medivac suit.. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"All right, all right, Yes, I'm glad I'm up too," Master said, rubbing the area affected by the stimulus. Lets just not do that again, shall we?"

"But Master, that was prescribed by my suit for your own good… I was worried about you. You suffered an LOC event."

"What? LOC?"

Medi nodded. "I did it only because I was worried you might not recover. That's okay right?"

"Well yes, I suppose… then…" He fell back onto his mattress.

"Master?" Medi jostled Master's head. No response. "Oh dear!" Medi swallowed. "He said it was okay…"
Medi set her probe to full charge… "I hope this time it sticks!"

*LOC — Loss Of Consciousness
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@FeatherTrap
@97blackbird
@Communist Starlight

Even when I'm putting up with all of this awful crap, lugging around all this scrap aluminum and steel after shredding this sucker, you guys still manage to put a smile on my face xD .

I've had a bad week, putting up with all of this garbage and trying to make the best out of a lousy thing… but this really does make it feel worthwhile.

Thanks for that, yo. I'm not joking in the slightest when I say that it really does mean something to me.

@Communist Starlight

Good call, yo xD . I really do have low blood pressure IRL. Not dangerously low, mind you, but I'm the odd-one-out in a family known for hypertension.

@97blackbird

No, not the butt! Don't shock my butt, batbro; it's my only weakness!

Chapter Two: Paradise, Except… You Konw, it's Not Really

[So there Medi and I are, at long last, chilling on the beach under a big ol' umbrella without a care in the friggin' world. The ocean waves are lapping lazily against the sandy shore, the sky above us painted in the dwindling light of a gorgeous sunset. There's some strange alien seagulls hovering around in ways not too dissimilar from those normally found on Earth and, against all odds, my sunburn's actually gotten a lot better thanks in no small part to the medicated ointment that my little buddy fetched for me during that totally non-canon intermission; don't think about it too hard, yo (I clearly didn't!).]

[All in all, we're having the time of our lives, finally enjoying some much-needed rest and relaxation. I mean, how many times can you battle the Borg without getting at least a little tired, right? Not to mention hungover, yo. I basically had to reorganize Medi's usual diet just to make sure the lil' bat had enough energy to take care of me, and at that point you've basically got a doctor taking care of another doctor, which is never a good sign.]

[I got a little off-track at the end of that last one, sorry. Point is, we'd finally made it and we were living it up.]

[As of current, I'm sitting in a large beach chair, reclining like I own the damn place, and Medi is doing the same in a much smaller chair right next to my own. Picture a doll house beach chair in your head and you're on the right track. I've made sure that she has absolutely all the fruit juice she could possibly want, because if anybody deserves it, she's the one. I'm currently sipping from a margarita with a slice of lemon on the side, not to mention the mandatory little umbrella, while my bat buddy is about halfway through with munching on a peach that's nearly twice her own size.]

[Dear Lord, you should really see her go to town on that peach. It's honestly kind of impressive. Or cute. Or maybe scary.]

[Let me put it this way, I'm pretty glad that I'm not a peach (because I'd definitely make a better grapefruit).]

Quick Game: Find the punchline to that joke. Is there even one to be found? I'll never tell!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Master, this is the best vacation ever! Where'd you even get all these peaches and juice boxes?"

Me: "If I answered that question, I'm afraid I might destroy the rest of our suspension of disbelief. And realistically, we've only got so much of that stuff left."

"Too true!"

[Medi-Bat then proceeds to drive her entire head neck-deep into her peach]

Me: "Just remember, hun, if you have to wash your face off when you're done, be a smart cookie and try to avoid doing it in the ocean. The water's mostly ammonia here."

"That would explain why everything here smells like pee!"

Me: [Nodding my head thoughtfully] "Public urinal smell aside, I think this is about as perfect as it could possibly be. I mean, how could this get any better, right?"

[Suddenly, a rustling sound from the shrubbery behind us!]

[Why did I open my big, fat mouth?]

Me: [Jumping up out of my chair] "Whoa, what was that?"

[Medi begins beeping rapidly, her eyes blinking like a pair of alarm lights]

"EEEEEEEEEEEE! Be careful, Master, you'll spike your blood pressure! You want to keep it at your normal low levels, don't you?"

Me: "Well, yeah, but why don't we worry about that after I check and see if someone's skulking around in the bushes like a creeper? That really feels like a more pressing matter at the moment."

[Medi flutters up from her chair and lands atop my head, nestling into my hair like a kitten settling into a blanket]

"Okies, but I'm not letting you go alone."

Me: [I pat her on the head with my index finger, scritching between her ears] "I wouldn't dream of it, sweetie; I know you're always good to back me up."

[Now, granted, I kind of spoiled what we're about to run into… what, was it two or three pages back now? Eh, whatever, sometimes you pop your cap early, right?]

[No joke, y'all, we pass through the shrubbery and weeds, and sitting there in a grove of alien palm trees is an edgy-looking red and black alicorn. Ironically, he appears to be wrapped-up in something that I think could best be described as "the polar opposite of edgy"; he's very closely inspecting a small patch of flowers. Every once in a while, he levitates a small note pad over to him and scribbles down a few things, only to put it back down and return to the flowers.]

[He's smiling and giggling to himself as well]

Alicorn: [Pretty much gushing out loud] "They're so pretty! I've never seen flowers that can change color so rapidly on their own before; from blue to purple to red to orange, all the way around the spectrum and back again!"

[He closes his notepad and sets it back down on the ground. From my vantage point standing off behind him, I can see that the front of the pad is covered from top to bottom in cute little doodles of puppies and kittens playing with toys.]

Me: [Welp, here goes] "Uh… hello?"

[The alicorn's ears perk immediately, but more interestingly, he lets out a loud yelp of surprise as he spins around to face me… only to trip over his own legs and land directly on his face.]

[I think I like this guy already. He reminds me of another clumsy idiot that I know. Insert eyebrow wiggle here.]
Communist Starlight

Crushing inequality
@Joseph Raszagal
YAAAAY, [Oof, young girlish scream there. Comrade Starlight ain't comin' back from that one.] UNCLE JOE IS BACK!
And, uh, I goofed my story intended for @FeatherTrap . I meant "The power of medibat compels you" Not whatever the hek I put there.
97blackbird

*Ode to Medi-Bat Pony Blog

I come here now with a broken heart.
This blog it seems has fallen apart,
seen no more of the storytelling mirth,
does Joe Raszagal comprehend his worth?

Here we did gather weekly to read,
of bizarre afflictions (make believe)
of Intrepid Joe and his bat-winged friend,
whose bond is strong and without end.

Across the galaxy they traveled and flew,
searching always for exotic brew.
Medi, his mate, perched by his side,
testing his blood to keep him alive.

Joe at the helm, bottle in hand;
No need for a map nor Mariachi band.
"All I need is pure Russian vodka!"
Communist Starlight agrees,and yells "Pravda!"

Feather Trap reminds us all of the truth,
cute, furry, bat-pony drew us in sooth,
And so I write of the darling little one,
and of those reading these words I've spun.

Medi, don't go, don't leave us so soon,
In all of our hearts there is Batpony room.
All here contribute, and love you so much!
Don't say it's over, was fun, keep in touch.
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@FeatherTrap
@97blackbird
@Communist Starlight

Sorry for the radio silence everypony, I've just been experiencing some "technical difficulties" lately, as well as a metric buttload of work. There's only so much drywall repairing and multi-coat painting that a man can do before he starts to lose his mind D= .

As an apology, here's a li'l bit to tide y'all over. Hope you enjoy it =3 .

Chapter Three: The Unwilling Edgelord

[The startled alicorn scrabbled back up to his hooves, brushed the dust off of his sore rump, and glared daggers at me. But there was, oh, how do I go about wording this? There was just something of an aura that he had about him, something that felt very nonthreatening despite the anger in his eyes.]

[Yeah, that's it. Despite his bat wings, the sharp horn sticking out of his forehead, and that oh so edgelordiest of color schemes, I just wasn't afraid of him.]

Alicorn: [Shouting in a flustered huff] "Didn't anypony ever tell you that it's very rude to sneak up on ponies like that?"

[For another reason that's a little difficult for me to explain, I hadn't been expecting his voice to rise that high in the octave range. In fact, it came out almost like a Freddie Mercury falsetto. Oh, and the noticeable lisp wasn't helping his case much either.]

Alicorn: "Seriously, you could have given me a heart attack!"

[Well okay then. Now I knew exactly why I wasn't afraid.]

Me: [Holding out my open palms in a placating gesture] "Sorry, sorry about that, it's just not every day that you run into an alicorn, you know? I haven't seen very many in my life, particularly any that look… uh… quite like you."

Alicorn: [His ears drooped and his gaze lowered down to the dirt] "You mean like Shadow the Hedgehog? Yeah, trust me, I know."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, so you're not going to shoot us? Because that's what Shadow does, right?"

[Boy howdy, that's a friggin' loaded question. Go ahead and ask a Sonic fanboy that one, Itty-Bitty Bat, and see how long that conversation lasts.]

Alicorn: [Tilting his head in confusion] "Shoot you? Whyever would I do that?"

"I dunno, maybe Master made you mad by stealing your vacation island spot or somethi-

Me: [Stepping in with a slightly different train of thought] "That all depends, Big Guy. Are you familiar with the Borg Collective?"

Alicorn: [Lets out a snort and rolls his eyes] "Quite familiar, yes. They've been butting heads with Father's forces for years. To put it bluntly, High Priest Heavy Hoof isn't a fan. It's kind of hard for a doomsday cult to gather new members when every other solar system's already been absorbed and reprogrammed into mindless drones."

[Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone, because that's a whole bunch of new crap to unpack right there! Where do I even start?]

"You're in a cult? So, I 'unno, are we talking Scientology-style or more Heaven's Gate-ish?"

[_Thank you_, Medi. Truly excellent use of tact to broach that topic with.]

Alicorn: [Shaking his head and sighing] "Worse, I'm afraid. I'd compare it more to Jonestown than anything else. If Jim Jones wanted to summon the Elder Gods to bring about the end of the Multiverse, I mean."

[Alright, so maybe I was a teeny bit afraid of this guy. Or starting to get there, anyway. Still, something was more than a little off about the whole situation.]

Me: [Nodding along] "Doesn't sound to me like you're too invested in the whole 'cult thing'. Why not just cut your ties to them and quit?"

Alicorn: [Sitting down and grimacing] "Believe me, I would love to; if only it were that simple."

Me: "Sounds like a long story."

Alicorn: [Nodding his head as well] "Quite long. Think the two of you have the time to spare?"

"Well, it's not like we're forcing you talk about it, right, Master? If it's a sore subject, no worries, we'll super understand."

Alicorn: [Shrugging] "You know what? This might be just what I need. I don't have anypony else I can really vent to… everypony else I know is already brainwashed, wearing cloaks, and worshiping tentacle monsters."

[As a show of good faith, Medi-Bat flutters down to sit on my shoulder and munch on a candy bar that she seemingly produced from thin air. Following suit, I sat down on the ground and gave our strange new friend my rapt attention.]

Alicorn: [Gesturing to the flowers he'd been fawning over earlier] "Well, Father never really understood my love of botany, but he didn't interfere in my pursuit of it either. He was perfectly happy with me fading into the background while he tried to conquer all of known creation all on his own. The thing is… he kinda… well… he died."

"So, what, does that make you the new cult leader? Are there any perks that come with the title? Oh, oh, do you have a harem of pretty pony concubines in Princess Leia costumes or something?"

Me: [Scolding her] "Medi, please."

"Sorry."

Me: "No, I mean of course he has a harem. All cult leaders do."

Alicorn: [Another shrug] "Well, yes, but my wives are neither here nor there. See, without Father's unholy might to guide them towards oblivion, the High Priests couldn't really get anything done; they still had their numbers and bolstered ranks, but they didn't have the power to utilize those numbers. So, that's when they started asking me to take the reigns."

Me: "Heh, horse puns."

Alicorn: [Scolding me] "Human, please."

Me: "Sorry."

[Medi sticks her tongue out a me and blows a victorious raspberry]

Alicorn: "Anyway, so they started asking me to take over. Things like contacting the Elder Gods for evil advice, running the great Blood Sacrifices, devouring stars to plunge whole systems into frozen darkness; you know, the usual sort of Dark Messiah stuff."

Me: [Patting him on the shoulder] "Well, considering we found you studying flowers here, I'm guessing you didn't want to."

Alicorn: "Of course I didn't want to! I can barely bring myself to swat a fly, let alone absorb the souls of a hundred thousand sacrificial ponies all at once! And have you ever tried to contact the Elder Gods for a little chat?! It's like having your mind explode, get put back together in reverse, then explode again, over and over, until they just get bored with you and end the call!"

[Uh-oh, my Spider Sense is tingling. I feel a rant coming on.]

Alicorn: "I just want to explore, study my flowers, drink my tea, and maybe go bird watching every now and again, but noooooooooooooo! No, no, no, I can't do that! 'You have a billion servants to rule over with an iron hoof! You're in charge now, so you'd better not let your late Father's memory down! He worked too hard to destroy all of reality, far too hard, for you to go and blow it all by running off to play with posies and roses!' I swear, it's enough to drive you mad!"

Me: "Hey, calm dow-

Alicorn: [Getting progressively more worked-up over time] "Well guess what, Heavy Hoof?! You're not my real Dad! You don't know me, you can't tell me what to do! If I want to study geraniums, then I damn well will! I'll study all the geraniums I want, all the geraniums ever! I'LL CROSSBREED A NEW KIND OF GERANIUM, THE PRETTIEST FLOWERS TO EVER EXIST, AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHO'S BOSS! THEN WE'LL SEE! YOU'LL LOOK AT MY GARDEN, AT HOW IMPOSSIBLY BEAUTIFUL IT'LL BE, AND YOU'LL FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND WEEP!"

[Did I mention that the laws of physics had begun to break down the moment that new our alicorn friend started screaming about this Heavy Hoof guy? Because I think it's kind of important to mention that little fact.]

Me: [Currently floating upside-down in the air, rapidly spinning like a top] "A little help here!"
Joseph Raszagal
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Emily Brickenbrackle III
@97blackbird
Yay, I'm not dead!

[Dons a party hat and starts blowing the world's most impressive party horn]

Also, boy are you going to be disappointed in his name xD . It's right in-line with what the cult would want him to be, as opposed to what he actually is. Please, feel free to guess, though I can all but guarantee that it's even more edgelordy than whatever you're thinking x3 .

@Communist Starlight

WHOO indeed =D .

Sorry for all the delays, yo.
97blackbird

@Joseph Raszagal
Yes, I figured his parental given name would be something along the lines of "Emperor Immolation", "Almighty Bloodlord", or "Death Star"(hehe!); something suitably aggrandizing and ego-stroking.
But I was hoping his chosen name be something strong, yet opposite to his given name. "Flower Power" being that 60's peace-loving counter-phrase is suitably antithetical.
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