Even when I'm putting up with all of this awful crap, lugging around all this scrap aluminum and steel after shredding this sucker, you guys still manage to put a smile on my face xD .
I've had a bad week, putting up with all of this garbage and trying to make the best out of a lousy thing... but this really does make it feel worthwhile.
Thanks for that, yo. I'm not joking in the slightest when I say that it really does mean something to me.
Good call, yo xD . I really _do_ have low blood pressure IRL. Not dangerously low, mind you, but I'm the odd one out in a family known for hypertension.
No, not the butt! Don't shock my butt, batbro; it's my only weakness!
+Chapter Two: Paradise, Except... You Konw, it's Not Really+
*[So there Medi and I are, _at long last_, chilling on the beach under a big ol' umbrella without a care in the friggin' world. The ocean waves are lapping lazily against the sandy shore, the sky above us painted in the dwindling light of a gorgeous sunset. There's some strange alien seagulls hovering around in ways not too dissimilar from those normally found on Earth and, against all odds, my sunburn's actually gotten a lot better [spoiler]thanks in no small part to the medicated ointment that my little buddy fetched for me during that totally non-canon intermission; don't think about it too hard, yo (I clearly didn't!)[/spoiler].]*
*[All in all, we're having the time of our lives, finally enjoying some much-needed rest and relaxation. I mean, how many times can you battle the Borg without getting at least a little tired, right? [spoiler]Not to mention hungover, yo.[/spoiler] I basically had to reorganize Medi's usual diet just to make sure the lil' bat had enough energy to take care of me, and at that point you've basically got a doctor taking care of another doctor, which is never a good sign.]*
*[I got a little off-track at the end of that last one, sorry. Point is, we'd finally made it and we were living it up.]*
*[As of current, I'm sitting in a large beach chair, reclining like I own the damn place, and Medi is doing the same in a much smaller chair right next to my own. Picture a doll house beach chair in your head and you're on the right track. I've made sure that she has absolutely _all_ the fruit juice she could possibly want, because if anybody deserves it, she's the one. I'm currently sipping from a margarita with a slice of lemon on the side, not to mention the mandatory little umbrella, while my bat buddy is about halfway through with munching on a peach that's nearly twice her own size.]*
*[Dear Lord, you should really see her go to town on that peach. It's honestly kind of impressive. Or cute. Or maybe scary.]*
*[Let me put it this way, I'm pretty glad that I'm not a peach (because I'd definitely make a better grapefruit).]*
[spoiler]Quick Game: Find the punchline to that joke. Is there even one to be found? I'll never tell![/spoiler]
"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ Master, this is the best vacation ever! Where'd you even get all these peaches and juice boxes?"
Me: "If I answered that question, I'm afraid I might destroy the rest of our suspension of disbelief. And realistically, we've only got so much of that stuff left."
*[Medi-Bat then proceeds to drive her entire head neck-deep into her peach]*
Me: "Just remember, hun, if you have to wash your face off when you're done, be a smart cookie and try to avoid doing it in the ocean. The water's mostly ammonia here."
"That would explain why everything here smells like pee!"
Me: *[Nodding my head thoughtfully]* "Public urinal smell aside, I think this is about as perfect as it could possibly be. I mean, how could this get any better, right?"
*[Suddenly, a rustling sound from the shrubbery behind us!]*
*[Why did I open my big, fat mouth?]*
Me: *[Jumping up out of my chair]* "Whoa, what was that?"
*[Medi begins beeping rapidly, her eyes blinking like a pair of alarm lights]*
"_EEEEEEEEEEEE!_ Be careful, Master, you'll spike your blood pressure! You want to keep it at your normal low levels, don't you?"
Me: "Well, yeah, but why don't we worry about that _after_ I check and see if someone's skulking around in the bushes like a creeper? That really feels like a more pressing matter at the moment."
*[Medi flutters up from her chair and lands atop my head, nestling into my hair like a kitten settling into a blanket]*
"Okies, but I'm not letting you go alone."
Me: *[I pat her on the head with my index finger, scritching between her ears]* "I wouldn't dream of it, sweetie; I know you're always good to back me up."
*[Now, granted, I kind of spoiled what we're about to run into... what, was it two or three pages back now? Eh, whatever, sometimes you pop your cap early, right?]*
*[No joke, y'all, we pass through the shrubbery and weeds, and sitting there in a grove of alien palm trees is an edgy-looking red and black alicorn. Ironically, he appears to be wrapped-up in something that I think could best be described as "the polar opposite of edgy"; he's very closely inspecting a small patch of flowers. Every once in a while, he levitates a small note pad over to him and scribbles down a few things, only to put it back down and return to the flowers.]*
*[He's smiling and giggling to himself as well]*
Alicorn: *[Pretty much gushing out loud]* "They're so pretty! I've never seen flowers that can change color so rapidly on their own before; from blue to purple to red to orange, all the way around the spectrum and back again!"
*[He closes his notepad and sets it back down on the ground. From my vantage point standing off behind him, I can see that the front of the pad is covered from top to bottom in cute little doodles of puppies and kittens playing with toys.]*
Me: *[Welp, here goes]* "Uh... hello?"
*[The alicorn's ears perk immediately, but more interestingly, he lets out a loud yelp of surprise as he spins around to face me... only to trip over his own legs and land directly on his face.]*
*[I think I like this guy already. He reminds me of another clumsy idiot that I know. Insert eyebrow wiggle here.]*