Joseph Raszagal 
"[@97blackbird":](/writing/the-continuing-adventures-of-medi-bat/post/4285924#post_4285924
)
The truth is even worse than you think:
- There is no Santa Claus.
- Even if there was, Santa Claus wouldn't have claws.
- Rumors that famed Marvel character, Wolverine, is actually "Santa Claws" are entirely false.
- There is no "Santa Clause" legal loophole allowing for burglars to attempt to plead innocence in court by asserting that they were only sneaking down chimneys to leave presents under pine trees.
Everything we've ever been taught and told is a lie!_*Equestria Girls was an inside job! BOTTLED WATER DOESN'T COME FROM ARCTIC SPRINGS; IT'S ALL FILLED IN THE SAME BATHTUB BY A GUY NAMED JIM IN FLINT, MICHIGAN!_
*
But, you know, try not to panic <3
Edit:
"Master, is there some kind of medication you should be on that you haven't told me about?"
Me: *"THE SKY IS ORANGE, YOU'VE JUST BEEN LOOKING AT IT WRONG! **THE DEITY THAT CREATED THE UNIVERSE IS A CAT NAMED MITTENS WHO UNWOUND THE GREAT COSMIC BALL OF YARN!***
*[Medi-Bat begins to back away _very quickly_]*
Emily Brickenbrackle III
The truth is even worse than you think:
- There is no Santa Claus.
- Even if there was, Santa Claus wouldn't have claws.
- Rumors that famed Marvel character, Wolverine, is actually "Santa Claws" are entirely false.
- There is no "Santa Clause" legal loophole allowing for burglars to attempt to plead innocence in court by asserting that they were only sneaking down chimneys to leave presents under pine trees.
Everything we've ever been taught and told is a lie!
But, you know, try not to panic <3
Edit:
"Master, is there some kind of medication you should be on that you haven't told me about?"
Me: *"THE SKY IS ORANGE, YOU'VE JUST BEEN LOOKING AT IT WRONG! **THE DEITY THAT CREATED THE UNIVERSE IS A CAT NAMED MITTENS WHO UNWOUND THE GREAT COSMIC BALL OF YARN!***
*[Medi-Bat begins to back away _very quickly_]*