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Rinabina
Dream Come True! - Participated in the MLP 9th Anniversary Event
Artist -

Ani
I just wrote the prologue to a story I want to start that's most likely going to be a long and adventurous type (I hope) and I would love some feedback to it!
https://www.wattpad.com/story/239591966-everbrook
I wrote it on wattpad because Fimfiction hasn't approved it yet and I didn't like the idea of waiting for it to be approved before publishing >~<
Cosmas-the-Explorer

Tagger of the Unknown
I really like your story so far. I love the theme of different seasons. But before I go into what I like, I do have some critiques.

1. The pacing is a bit quick I think. I think it would be better if you slowed it down.

2. I think exploring all of Equestria, to find the princess is a bit too much area to cover even in months. I think you need to reduce the scale of it. Maybe make it just the area around Bee Chamgeling area.

3. I think it was foolish of the king to admit his daughter is missing to the general public. A report like that could cause untold worry to the changelings. I think he should've tried to hide the fact especially considering that a possible kidnapping could very well have been caused by creatures with rival political interests who could use the uncertainty to their own benefit.

4. I think Arctic's reasons for accusing Everbrook are too unreasonable. That being she was the only one available. I think it would have been better if Arctic had at least somewhat legitimate clues and reasons that she did kidnap his daughter.
Cosmas-the-Explorer

Tagger of the Unknown
However I really do like this story.

You did great with the atmosphere. Describing the breeding habits of bee changelings, or a dwelling without many hallways. And the land of Everbrook is so pretty with even a door with flowers.

And I definitely love a bit of mystery, intrigue and madness.

I think it's an ok prologue though it can definitely be improved.

I wish you would have named the Bee Changelings' town though. But I truly am curious to see what goes on next.

Poor Everbrook though! I wonder what our heroes will have to do to save her. I am curious. That's all for my somewhat unorganized review. But I definitely like it.
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