Vent thread

Hima

I’m getting back into the art stuff.
I been practicing a long time, and I think I’m getting real good at it again, even the shading and stuff.
I was griping about it the other day, because the weather is ridiculous, like getting worst every year. I won’t be stuck here too long, but I’m getting back into art before hand. Limited time to work and being out of practice sucks.
𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐫
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It’s a very terrible mentality. Rather than seeing how everyone ought to work together for a common goal, they pull each other down. This is totally different from ants. You see cooperation, unity and shared goals in their operation.
People who have such mentality are very self centered.
squeezymouse
Pixel Perfection - I still call her Lightning Bolt
Artist -

Ponified OCs Central
I hate every single thing about the past four years, it’s been such a waste of fucking time.
My abusive mum died in her sleep and I was awake to hear it, and I had been hired and fired by jobs that treated me like utter shit. My cats died one year after another, three from cancer and one just stopped absorbing nutrients all of a sudden. Because my mum was telling me I was a waste of food, gas and money every single damn day as I went to college because she decided I wasn’t allowed a fuckin’ dorm an hour away, I don’t get the mental health I need to struggle in college, so I’m up a creek without a paddle unless I can maybe get a scholarship to go back to school, and the thing I wanna study isn’t supported by any local schools.
So I’m going in and out of jobs and being told by coworkers “Well it’s fine your mom died because EVERYONE dies” while I still dunno if I own my house, I learn skills to deep clean after COVID but the state I’m in is full of loons who don’t think we need masks so what’s the fuckin’ point, you need a bachelor’s or even a master’s to get a good paying job in this town so I’m screwed if I want to make more than a teacher does, uuugh.
I get a boyfriend! Yippee! He seems super nice and bounces off my writing real well, but then he makes me sleep on his couch, he brings me to Disney only to make me go everywhere without a break so I get overheated and COVID, and then he tells me he never actually loved me and he was debating on leaving me for months but put it off because he wanted to sleep with me first and he tells me I’m basically too mentally unwell to be loved, something already repeated to me multiple times lmao, and then still tries to be my friend. And our shared friend group exhibits no fuckin’ issues with his ass.
And then there’s the fuckin’ friend group. During all of this shit I was writing a story, Pidgeon Creek. I repeatedly told the friend group, “this is something I’m doing for my mental health, I’m doing a form of therapy, this is for me” and because they get super invested I’m nice and I’m just like “alright so you can put your stuff in this world but don’t mess with me and knock over my sandcastles”. It’s a fuckin’ superhero setting that is just at low-stakes, I’m just filling it with a bunch of stuff that doesn’t really connect well but it’s fun to imagine. There’s an exotic dancer as a Robin Hood villain, a dhampire, there was a battleship for a while but the owner of it is dead and there’s One Singular Alien who’s parked his shit there.
In the course of like, five months, they not only try to take it off-planet by forcing in as much alien pantheon as they can, one dude is just full on stapling his entire vampire lore without even trying to rewrite any of it to fit into a small city landscape and he gets pissy at us if we even try to debate his story shit because how dare we not fixate on Him and make Him the center of the fucking galaxy, but I’m full on being told I am not allowed to put stops or X card (reject anything that makes me actually uncomfortable) anything - BUT it’s TOTALLY okay to tell me that a villain I’m writing is stupid! because I want to make a villain who is turning people into cannibalistic were-animals for literal metahuman farms.
It came to a head when two of them, I and K, were like “hey we completely rewrote one of your characters, a druggie cannibal werecrow who has schizophrenia and is hallucinating a ghost so we could have a lesbian relationship”. Like-
I had a character named Hakaku, he craved flesh, he couldn’t have relationships for it, transparent drug metaphors because my mother was a raging alcoholic and took that shit out on me. So he had to have regular doses of an experimental drug that barely assisted him (like me, I have a folic acid deficiency on a genetic level, so my medicine will never fully work and I’ll never experience that medical bliss of being fully, properly medicated no matter how many pills I shove down my throat). He turned into a crane monster, I had pictures I showed of him being a giant two story bird with a human face and sharp teeth and he had no control over the form, whenever he went into it he would kill people on all sides and he was supposed to be a cop. His life sucked but he was managing, he was seeing a therapist! And it was interesting and nuanced!
But my friends, god fucking dammit, saw all this and decided to make a lesbian who turned into a werecow because of the same process that Hakaku underwent, but she was special because she didn’t have drug issues, wasn’t a cannibal, didn’t hallucinate at all, and she had no amnesia so she could actually pinpoint where the villain who did this to her, because a villain turning their failed henchmen into unpredictable cannibal monsters was stupid, because a guy running a literal human farm of regenerating meat and milk and eggs was dumb because he could be using those for evil and making henchmen who were in total control of themselves-
OH AND THIS WAS ALL IN DMS TOO, so I wasn’t actually allowed to see any of this, so by the time they proposed the idea to me they had like several masturbatory fanfics in the backpocket and so when I said “this isn’t cool” they threw a fuckin’ tantrum.
I stopped being able to connect with them emotionally and when they got to a point of reminding me of the “”“friends””” I had on tumblr that tricked me into working on their fat/depression/deathfat fetish bullshit posing as a long con ask blog for a circle full of children and killed my character off, and when they told me they were condoning all the bullying they were giving me despite their apologies by being friends with someone who made me cry at one of their dnd sesssions and tried to force me into unreality (like the tumblr “”“friends”””), I just started cutting myself and bounced. Told them to shut down the discord group once the youngest member was done with his campaign, took them off discord, and none of them realize they can just talk to me via steam I guess.
Haven’t heard from a single one of them since like, the 16th. My job currently is fine but I’m alone for large hours. I can’t get invested in writing and drawing and they were my only real hobbies and coping mechanisms. And now I’m unwilling to imagine rp’ing with someone again, in case I’m bullied and made fun of for having boundaries and reminded again of being forced to roleplay fetishes against my will or knowledge. I’m tired and while I love talking in the Derpibooru discord, I can’t help but see some of these guys who are just as thrashed as I am by life able to live and be happy and find joy in things without any kind of visual help and I’m so insufferably jealous that I feel like I can’t even hold a good convo without being whiney or bitchy or ruining the mood or just focusing on me and my issues and it’s like aaaaaa just fuckin’ kill me.
Lord WyrmSpawN
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
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Lingering Wyvern
My sister is doing very well as a manager of an allegedly famous restaurant, it’s what got her the offer to work in their vegas location(facilitating a future move for me) and there’s talk of awards for her work, appearing on a commercial, the works.
And now there’s talk of a nine-day cruise around major European countries, and I feel like I’m being dragged upward by her hard work. It’s a bit overwhelming.
squeezymouse
Pixel Perfection - I still call her Lightning Bolt
Artist -

Ponified OCs Central
  • merci, honestly to the both of you
    Honestly the pony stuff has been working, but like, trying to uproot myself and get into a writing mindset has been Hell.
Hopefully I’ll be able to figure out something to do, but until then it’s just a lot of Camus books and existential dread.
  • I can imagine how exhausting that must be. I hope you get acknowledged for your work soon.
Hima

Misanthropy doesn’t usually solve much, and it always turns racists or against poor people.
You can just prefer not to socialize without being misanthropic.
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Man with no name
I was laid off yesterday, the firm we were contracted with terminated all transport duties without warning. The company I worked for will likely go bust, I’m considering leaving lorry driving for the foreseeable future. The pay is appalling for the responsibility that is bestowed upon us, wages have been on a downward spiral for some time now (I saw one job offering 55 pence an hour more than minimum wage). The pay was decent roughly six years ago, but wages have stagnated for far too long. Unsociable hours, shit vehicles, incompetent managers and sleeping out in the cab.
I’m considering a retail job, warehouse work or van driver job, the pay will be slightly less than HGV work. The whole HGV industry needs a kick up the arse. Drivers are their own worst enemy, continuing to drive lorries for little more than than driving a van. My CPC training will be due soon, that’ll cost me ~400 quid and 45 hours of my time, all unpaid of course.
I considered a job with Uber but I’d have to get a taxi licence, which costs about £800 and has to renewed every three years, fuck that.
@Hima
Your art is good, don’t give up.
@squeezymouse
I sincerely hope things improve for you.
Hima

@midob
I’m not. I’m just hard at work trying to get better and finish these commissions I owe. It’s frustrating sometimes. I gave up drinking to get more hours out of my day.
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