Oh goodness…not again…I’ve fallen, but not in the literate sense. I feel crumby. It’s late at night and I feel
like I want to harm myself so I can feel something. My paranoia is skyrocketing and I am starting to think of things…I feel like I am alone. I want to feel alone by myself, but at the same time, I’d enjoy company every once in a while. I hate myself for everything that I’m worth and I want to just do myself in so I won’t feel depressed. My paranoia won’t stop. I keep thinking things I don’t like. I’m starting to think that maybe I am just destined to be disliked and hated. Everyone I meet and everything I have never wants to stay. They say they do, but they turn on me. I’m so sick of this. Fuck the booze and fuck these pills, it doesn’t even help anymore.