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[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
The reasons why I haven’t killed myself yet:
  • My self-hatred and self-contempt balance with my indelible hatred of the entire world and contempt for those perceived to be weaker.
  • I would never give such a kind of pleasure to others, especially not to my enemies.
  • I exercise myself in agonizing patience to see the supposedly powerful once fall. Has already happened in the past of the many times.
  • I do not even want to know what awaits me on the other side. Valhalla probably not.
  • I rather use a life in pity and constant self-humiliation, than to give myself to the supposed protection of the oblivion.
  • I would hate it if my suicide would drag others into ruin with me, or traumatize them. What you do not want others to do to you, do not add to others.
  • Mine will be the revenge, mine IS the revenge. Everyone who once thought he/she/they had to be good to me out of pure self-interest has regretted it later.
  • My hatred is as strong as my love for those who are truly selfless and also wise. Stupidity, on the other hand, is simply a weakness, which even being exploited is punished. I have made that mistake more than once and have only burned both of my hands each time. This lesson should be passed on to at least one person in life so that they are saved from it.
  • I see myself as chaotically good rather than righteously evil, so why should I allow a world that rewards those who continually benefit only from the weakness of others to do the same to me? Nope, that wouldn’t be fun for me even in all my suffering.
  • Have I been given life? Bullshit. Life is pure coincidence. And as coincidental as everything else is, so coincidental is my reaction to the world, the people who live in it, and my respective mood of the day. I would rather surrender to profound arbitrariness than want to be part of some false belief that life is special. I just want to use the time as best I can. And as long as the bodies I walk over are not the ones that are innocent, as long as life is just an endless barrel. An endless succession of pure coincidences. Nothing is predestined. Everything is arbitrary. So is my reaction to me, the world and everything else. So if the world is not coherent, why should I behave differently?
  • In my personal arbitrariness, I have decided to stay alive. And if it’s just about me ruining someone else’s existence. It’s not selfish, it’s self-defense. ;-)
Kicks24Sf
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition

@DarkObsidian
It doesn’t matter if life is special or a gift, I’m just saying you only get one. So why waste it?
I used to think there was an afterlife but now I don’t. I think the idea of the afterlife is just an idea humans came up with to make death more comforting and not as scary.
And I don’t understand most of what you’re saying to be honest…
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
Ah, I don’t think most people would understand what I’m alluding to right now. Basically, it’s also more of a reference to myself, my life and the life I’ve led in depression since I was 18 years old. And that was a damn long time ago. Than forgive me this little ‘vent’. It’s just that I hate my depression more than I want to end my life because of it. I’m sorry if that seems a little confusing.
I stopped believing in life after death a long time ago. I haven’t seen any “promise of salvation” in it for a very long time. I am now 41 years old and I expressly wish NOT to see anyone from my past. It would be even worse if they could see what I’ve done and haven’t done in the meantime. Oh, boy, that would literally be hell. ;-)
I actually wanted to go more into the “kill yourself to find peace” aspect. For suicide can never and will never be any form of peace. Only the ripcord for those who have lost the will to fight. In my opinion, a fight can be fought for a number of reasons. And if it’s just to avoid being brought to your knees in front of this …. world.
Personally, I think everyone has a right to be depressed. So much so that the depression even becomes a part of him/her/themself. As with me. But that doesn’t necessarily make you weak, vulnerable, or at worst worthless. It only shows that one, and again only from my personal perspective, has not allowed oneself to be taken in by the heartlessness and falseness of the world. Or what you think and feel about it. And even if those feelings are usually just pain. But you feel. You feel that something is not right. But it’s not (again just my personal opinion) not “we” who feel wrong. It’s just this damn world that’s not quite right.
As said. Just a very personal opinion.
To be blunt: I don’t like this world. And I like even less the people who are in it. But you don’t have to feel bad about it. Even if there’s always a reason why. Nevertheless, this world also has some beautiful things about it. You just have to search long enough to find it. And sometimes these things that can make us happy are more trivial than you think.
I’m sticking with this: I’m not killing myself just to give the world one more reason to say: Ha, see! Here again only one perished who didn’t make it. ;-)
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
Here’s what I survived (and no, that’s not a boastful string of things, just a frightening state of the fact that hell doesn’t seem to want me - Because otherwise the devil might have to vacate his throne):
1.) My German mission in Afghanistan
2.) PTSD
3.) Cancer
4.) Depression
5.) One or the other ex-girlfriend
6.) The breakdown of my family
7.) Corona
8.) The ruthlessness of the tax office
8.) Arbitrary justice
9.) 1 year stay in Father State’s iron hug, just because you didn’t want to accept injustice
(At this point we will drop the early death of my mother, whom I never really got to know)
Did I forgot something? Maybe… I no longer look backwards, only forwards. And all I have left is my depression, my hatred and my insatiable will to keep fighting. But, and I’ll say that frankly. Only for a good and just cause. I would never give preference to hatred, to being able to take revenge.
But I’m one of those 40+ depressives who no longer want to be suppressed by such a system.
Becuase: I would never want to collaborate with other strange people. I’m my own weird person. I wear my mask, get vaccinated and I don’t wish to overthrow any state or society as such. All I care about is creating a rethink in people’s minds. Peaceful. Energetic. Eloquent if possible. ;-)
But always on the premise that depression is finally being recognized for what it is. A “disease” that does not come from just one individual. Yes, this world makes you sick. But that doesn’t mean you’re the virus because of it. You are just the synonym. A synonym for the fact that the world must finally change.
As said. It’s all just a personal point of view. Peaceful. Hateful but peaceful. Even if I get really angry sometimes. ;-)
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
This question takes on almost metaphysical limits.
Anger: At the world, which is such that it continuously enjoys the suffering and exploitation of others and at the same time justifies this behind the supposed common good of a few.
Revenge: To anyone who has not only kicked me in the face, hurt, insulted or humiliated me. As that could be forgiven and forgotten. But that behind it hides a greater evil, that is out to constantly enjoy the suffering of others, only to enrich themselves personally. This is something that I can hardly bear, or rather not at all.
But I am not talking about an ominous evil, or a questionable morality alone. I really mean the human system as such, which (in my opinion) has not really developed since antiquity. Basically, only the welfare of those who are at the top anyway is favored, meanwhile the people are satisfied with bread and games. Replace bread with social media, and games literally with any mass event that serves to direct the emotions of larger crowds in a certain direction. One can certainly look at the problem from different angles of perspective at this point. The bottom line, in my opinion, remains the same: The many stupid, poor people have to bow to the will of the few rich, powerful ones, because they shape the world for us poor lunatics/peasants.
And with such a world view, which is to be glossed over in my opinion at most in parts, one is not to despair as an individual and become ill from it? What is here the really sick and (forgive me if I say this) crazy? The world? Or us? We who have to live in such a world. And “supposedly” have to adapt.
Just as I don’t feel like killing myself, I won’t submit to this world, or even adapt. Rather I remain (at least) eccentric, than that I accept this global lie of the unchangeable. Rarely is it the many few who need to change, who simply want to live. It is those who are supposedly in charge who need to realize their error and change. Only in this way can peace come about. Or war.
Unfortunately, and this is the bitterness behind it, ideals are recognized quite late. If at all. Therefore the human life is constantly in the change, fight and the social society aberrations.
At this point I would just like to mention that I am of course writing this from my very German language, and not everything is translated 1:1 into English. Not that I claim that English is a rather “simple” language here. But even the best translator and my own language skills may not be enough to allow my very talkative mouth to the full extent here. I’m sorry for that. In my mother tongue, many things might make a little more sense. ;-D
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
Oh, you’re welcome. I don’t necessarily expect to be answered in the same way just because I have this habit of trumpeting whole walls of text or half short stories out into the digital world. (grin) But thank you for the gesture of pointing this out to me. Very and from the bottom of my heart, because that is not something that can be taken for granted even today.
I hope I was only able to get my point across to you. And if only from a different point of view. ;-)
Kicks24Sf
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition

I hear you, and you’re welcome. I hate the way the world is too, people are fucking cruel and they’ll cut you off in an instant if it’ll benefit them, memories, meaning and love doesn’t seem to mean shit to anyone anymore. My ex cut me out of her life like I meant absolutely nothing to her and has already moved on and it hasn’t even been 2 months. I wasn’t perfect, but everyone always gives up on me. I’m never good enough for anyone, I grow close to people, they tell me I need to fix something, so I spend months or years running in circles trying to appease them just for them to tell me I wasn’t enough then they fuck off and pretend I never existed leaving me to hurt over them for years… but they move on like I was worthless. It fucking hurts.
I don’t want to hate people, I’ve suffered a tremendous amount in my life, had 2 different people psychologically torment me during my developmental years and you know… for a while I was sort of glad they did. I said it made me stronger… but now? I don’t know. Sure, I’m a lot harder to crack now, but I think I lost too much along the way. It’s my fault she’s gone and I accept that. Re-reading one of the last conversations I had with them I realized she didn’t want me gone, I just thought she did… and I was defensive and angry.
The things that traumatized me are so far behind me, years… but I still feel like I’m there, In that fight for mental and emotional survival. Letting go of the fight is hard when it kept you going for so long… but it turns on you. It turned on me. I just… I just want to be normal. I just want to be enough for someone you know?
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
As this is due to something I would like to A.) ​​like to address this & B.) but unfortunately from my time zone I have to get ready for work right now - unfortunately I won’t be able to answer you until later.
Certainly not THE answer, because there isn’t one. But I’ve already read through everything and I’ll think about it accordingly. As soon as I can reply I will.
Shylover
Wallet After Summer Sale -

:,(
@Flutter_Lover
Stop! Please stop! You’re really starting to scare me. Please don’t kill yourself! This is really starting to hurt my feelings…… Please don’t go. 😢
(God I really am a failure to help my friend.)
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