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[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

That1GuyGAMER18

Hey look. It's me.
I haven’t posted here in a long time. A lot has happened in the years since I’ve been active in this community, don’t get me wrong, I miss when things were easier. I miss when my life was filled with ponies and rainbows, now, I’m older, 3 years older to be exact. Things just aren’t that simple anymore, in fact, they’re rougher. I fell into a deep chronic depression and I picked up the habit of drinking and using drugs to feel like I can function without crumbling into suicide. I have sought out therapy but I still hurt, and I hate sobriety. I don’t really why I came here to vent this, I guess I just needed to turn to something familiar. But yeah here I am…
MethidMan
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2019) - Celebrated Derpibooru's seventh year anniversary with friends
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Artist -

My fiancee keeps begging me to stop taking my antidepressant medication… I can’t just stop taking it just because she says so. She doesn’t understand depression and how dangerous it is to suddenly discontinue medication without the supervision of a psychiatrist.
Why does she want me to stop taking it? Because she thinks it’ll cause problems impregnating her, yes you heard that right. First of all, we’re not even legally married yet. Second, it would be a bad idea to get her pregnant now before I can even bring her to the US with me, which can take a while. Third, effexor might not even cause problems with fertility, the only one who knows for sure is my psychiatrist.
She’s crazy…
Niskelis Philli
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Artist -

professional editor
My fiancee keeps begging me to stop taking my antidepressant medication… I can’t just stop taking it just because she says so. She doesn’t understand depression and how dangerous it is to suddenly discontinue medication without the supervision of a psychiatrist.
Why does she want me to stop taking it? Because she thinks it’ll cause problems impregnating her, yes you heard that right. First of all, we’re not even legally married yet. Second, it would be a bad idea to get her pregnant now before I can even bring her to the US with me, which can take a while. Third, effexor might not even cause problems with fertility, the only one who knows for sure is my psychiatrist.
She’s crazy…
nobody knows how depression works. and even then its a exaggerated mental issue, like people keep saying “oh half of our new generation is depressed”
Niskelis Philli
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Artist -

professional editor
I lack emotion, simply put.
And if you lack emotion, your not worth a therapist or such’s time since you do not see how emotionally charged they are nor take their actions seriously.
2 years comes the reckoning and I either live or die, suicide is a personal choice.
Why do people always have to attempt to prevent it, they don’t consider your personality or situation, they’re only reason being “it’s the right thing”.
Depression is not a thing for me, suicidal thoughts are not a symptom of depression, and it’s harming other people of other mental illness cause “depression first come first serve” and how “it’s the biggest problem”
Now. I’m not saying I haven’t had emotion before, I remember feeling happy and sad, and regretful, it’s just through environmental and genetic factors, I got desensitized to the world and myself, the internet and past experiences contributing to this.
And no, I’m not gonna do it right now if you just read the first bit and went “oh mi god!! He gonna kill self!!”.
People are always around you, learn to live with it, you will always meet a person, see a person, be a person. It’s how society works.
Anyways, I’d say my method id be choosing so you have to suffer the least in death, but the admins get pretty angry about that stuff, so I apologize, might get banned another 6 months for writing this even, knowing moderators can be funny.
2023 here we come, failure or accomplishment, I will see.
People are too picky about who other people are anyways. Judging others by a whim, cause “oh they like scat” so they must be out to murder me right?
Anyways goodnight. Slingring/Niskelis Philli
Badheart
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

Offline
I keep scaring people! I’m pissed!
I hate schizophrenia.
Maybe I’m better off as a robot.
If I seem cold and emotionless, just respect it. I’m hiding something much worse.
Beth
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag

Nightmare E-Soldier
@MethidMan
Your psychiatrist is your best bet anyway. You could always point out that your listening to the licensed practitioner, or you can use my next words and pretend it comes from a licensed practitioner.
Effexor could hurt the baby if the pregnant women is taking it. A semen load will not transfer enough of the drug to have any effect on her or her baby.
@Badheart
It’s hard to understand for most people. No cure, it must be treated for life. Pretending to be a robot and disassociating from inappropriate emotions could be useful sometimes.
@Niskelis Philli
Depression is on the rise, but some people have it so much worst than others. I had long term MMD pretty much go away, and other alarming issues showing up like alcoholism and impulsivity/aggression. Now they say Borderline personality disorder and bipolar.
Emotional depression can be made worst by low metabolism or dis-regulation in the enteric nervous system, and both issues can be caused by depression. A positive feedback loop.
Beth
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag

Nightmare E-Soldier
I wish I could be more open with my therapist. Even when I’m ok I just feel kinda stuck. Every day I remember the same things. I skate by feeling empty, sometimes i get some work done or have a beer and feel pretty good, but nothing changes. I am ok, I just want to vent and prepare for my next therapy session.
Various OD attempts.
All the guns and violence in my childhood.
Lurching in front of a truck, getting a rod in my leg.
Blood pouring out of my side after falling on my beer bottle.
Suicide baiting.
Being a self pitying narcissist that harassed people.
Eating cough pills until I seize and my muscles break down.
As an atheist I started talking to god so much thinking I’m going to die.
Remembering the times I didn’t need alcohol to have fun and play a game.
Constant isolation and not taking social chances.
I threatened people, from acquaintances to government officials, I’m on a watchlist.
I got kicked out of jobcorp for doing drugs. First time I threatened someone with an sports riffle I pretended to own.
Dropped out of college.
Being conditioned into poverty. I find free food, and get fucked up for like 5$ of beer or DXM.
Voc rehab doesn’t even answer my emails anymore.
A lot of the drugs stems from a belief that they can make the brain adapt and compensate. My therapist tells me not to drink, and I don’t drink much, but I don’t think i’ll ever stop. I’d rather be fucked up than live in shock, I can only even manage this post because i’m high as shit.
I want inspiration and motivation, and to just feel like a new person I’ll do anything to find it, and being poor I don’t have a lot of options, I get bare minimum treatment, which i’m grateful for.
Beth
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag

Nightmare E-Soldier
@Badheart
I always appreciate you. You grew up hard like I did.
I’m sure to think about you when I feel like I’m going through shit on my own.
I hate how long winded my post is, but my therapist needs to get all of it. I want to try to get some government help to get on my feet.
Beth
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag

Nightmare E-Soldier
@Niskelis Philli
I live with my mom, we’re both hardcore about getting by, and she gets VA disability. I figure if I do everything and make money she won’t be in a hurry to get rid of me, and so far it has worked. I need to take this time to learn how to be an adult, and make more money.
Getting work has been miserable. the best i get is some labor pool jobs, and the digital art is starting to make more than that, but any luxury I have is a on a whim.
I justify the alcohol because it’s almost cheaper than water, i just don’t build up a big tolerance to it. I don’t buy meth or anything because i’m not stupid, the alcohol is cheap enough I can afford it without issue, and there is many reasons I want it. Beer even has an energy content, poor people can miss a little food to get drunk, but like i said, food is everywhere, i know where to get it for free.
Badheart
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

Offline
All I can remember are the bad things in my life, everything good was just a hateful obligation.
People are quick to shut me out of their life.
MethidMan
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2019) - Celebrated Derpibooru's seventh year anniversary with friends
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Artist -

I’ve just did some google searching on the word “escapism”, and I’ve come to realize that it’s what I do a lot of and it’s probably why I have little potential. I’m constantly depressed from daily living (which is probably going to get even worse) and my only solution is indulging in things that wash my mind away from reality such as video games, cartoons/art and video games.
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