[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Manerg  
Then cyberpunk is now if we are still see in the lens of pessimism.

@Manerg  
VRchat I’ve been screwing with, its fun without VR.  
Most people on it are friendly, you can talk to em.

@Slingring  
I haven’t looked at vrchat, but I pretty much gave up on video games a long time ago, since consoles are fucked and PC gaming is pretty much controlled by Steam (which is shit). No creative ideas (it’s just MMOs, FPS, cinematics nowadays), microtranscations and DLC, it’s all shit. Fuck DRM. Not interested in any video games right now, not until all this shit has been fixed, which it won’t.

@Slingring
 
@Manerg  
Tech Dystopia, damn ecomony isn’t it?

@Manerg  
let me pill you on CDDA.  
the game that withstands the test of time, and is pretty fun to learn.

@Slingring  
I’ve heard of it but haven’t played it yet. I have played DCSS before, so it shouldn’t be too hard to learn.

..

@altopony  
I don’t just befriend anyone, and you shouldn’t either. If you choose the wrong friends, you could end up in some serious shit or end up forgetting who you really are.

Vent ahead
 
Today a family member saw that I’m cutting myself on the arm. What was their response?
 
“X Family member also cut themselves, do you want to be like them? Do you want to be like X? Then keep on what are you doing and you’ll end up in jail for cutting. And if you want to kill yourself go drink the rats poison at the kitchen’s cabinet”
 
…The actual fuck? How the hell someone who doesn’t even want to get out of bed and it’s depressed most (if not all) of the day gets on jail for cutting themselves? What. The. Actual. Fuck. Family?! I swear that you guys don’t give a damn fuck about mental health; I don’t want to be treated differently, I don’t want to be “pampered” as a fucking king because I have that, neither I don’t want to be “Special” or shit. But for the love of Hans, could you atleast please stop the insults and aggression and let me go to a proper fucking psychologist to take care of myself and stop being such a “Worthless member” to you guys? Goddamnit…
 
“Talk to your parents” They say. “They will understand” They say, yeah sure…

@Background Pony #1A79  
This probably won’t, but if it makes you feel any better, my family members told me to kill myself and that they didn’t care. So I tried to kill myself and ended up calling my friend and went to the hospital and I called them to see if they actually gave a fuck and all they could say is basically they didn’t even want me alive.

@xXSleep Deprived ArtistXx  
That’s fucked.
 
I’m busy with a gallon of rum at the moment but uh…yeah we’re here for you.

I got the horrid news that the love of my life is now gone forever. They aren’t dead but I’ll still never see them again and they’ll probably never talk to me for the rest of my days, and that hurts so much more than he could ever understand. Tomorrow I’m graduating finally… But at what cost? All that’s awaiting me is crushing loneliness and imminent failure. If I’m not murdered, I’m probably going to commit suicide before I even get anywhere. I’m probably going to be living at my dad’s for a long time and just doing what I always do, constantly find distractions so I don’t have to think about my crushing reality. I don’t know how I’ll be able to get out on my own when I can’t even do a damn thing right with someone… People say that these are going to be the best years of my life when I feel the exact opposite… What to do… Just do what I do best… It isn’t real, there’s nothing wrong, it’s just you and you alone.

@xXSleep Deprived ArtistXx
 
Question, how old are you by chance?

@Zincy  
18…

@xXSleep Deprived ArtistXx
 
Hah, a youngster, I guessed as much. Don’t take this as me belittling your personal feelings, loss sucks no matter what, but let me give you some words of wisdom.
 
I’m near on double your age, and I’ve had a lot of “love” since HS. Lovers come and go, and “true” love is a fairytale. There’s a lot of matches out there, and some of them, a lot of them, won’t work out. If you tear your heart out after every fish that jumps the hook then you’re just going to spend your life bleeding.
 
Everything seems big and shiny at your age, especially love. The maddening storm of hormones will do that, did a number on me too. Lots of emotional turmoil. And a carpet of body hair.
 
You’re a kid, you can smoke, but you’re still a kid. Most of the decisions that you’re making that you think are big, and impactful, let me let you in on a secret, they ain’t. You live with your folks, big deal, I did off and on till I was 24. You lost a lover, and? If your heart is still in your chest, and your dick/vag didn’t fall off you can find another. Ain’t got a job? Get in line, lots of folks don’t, and there ain’t no rush to. You’re 18, its the age where you start to figure shit out, not where you’ve got it all figured out. No reason to rush it.

@Zincy  
Thx..

@xXSleep Deprived ArtistXx
 
I say these things because I’ve lived these things. I spent my childhood in a trailer park poor as dirt. I suffer from clinical depression and tried to kill myself about 3 times when I was your age. I could count my friends on one hand, and suffered tragedy after tragedy.
 
15 to your 20s is a weird hill. Lots of weird shit happens, and a lot of it is hard to understand when you’re in the thick of it. But it all becomes clear when you reach the top of the hill and look back.

18 is still a kid.

@Zincy  
Yeah… My life has been shit….I’ve had 4 miscarriages (all rape babies) and I’ve had guns to my head and knives to my throat… My mom didn’t want me so i raised myself at my grandma’s till my aunt moved in and abused me… Then i moved to my cousin’s… And she abused me… Then my boyfriend saved me only to leave me… I see and hear shit… Have multiple personalities and mind breaking tics to where I don’t even know what i am… I know people have it worse than me but I like to get some things off of my chest because no one ever listens to me… even though I shouldn’t even be sharing this stuff with random people… And venting should make me feel better but i feel disgusting… I’m disgusting… I’m sorry…

I’m hanging in the balance between life and death again.

Wake up, drink rum.
 
@Count Adramélekh Sear  
I don’t know what to do, I only make things worse.
 
All I can recommend is death metal.

@ᏰᎯᎠᎻᎬᎯᏒᎿ  
If only a deus ex machina type of person or by natural fate could bring ma and pa to care each other again singlehandedly and regain all my lost self esteem during the breakdown, nothing else matters.

@Zincy  
i checked on indeed.com and theyre shit out of concrete layers,  
its about 25-30 per hour you spend laying concrete lol,  
no diplomas and just a drivers

@xXSleep Deprived ArtistXx  
Knives at your neck and guns to your head? Wtf

@Zincy  
I am having a haunting memories about those ages of mine as well.
 
Those age years are tough as fucking shit.