It sucks having lost so much there is no longer any direction in your life. With nobody to blame but myself.
Starts with an ego conflict, then banned from a Discord server, can’t let it go until I’m ostracized from the whole community. I join new communities and can’t even talk, like the air has been crushed from my metaphorical lungs.
Got dropped from my tech class.
I keep saying I’m going to draw this and that, can’t do it, can’t afford the refunds, even if I do the work I’ll never have work from those people again.
There is a singular love in my life, and quite frankly she deserves way more than me.
My incredulous ego has cost me so much, but it’s one of my only friends. I mean I have great wonderful friends here, but they deserve better than me.
Having lost so much and constantly making things worst for myself feels like drowning, flailing my arms as hard as I can I just can’t keep my head above water.
I listen to this bubble pop and dancing, my body responds, I feel good, but executively I’m miserable.
I will try to let go of things, and persist on my physical health. I feel like things will come around, I’m happy to put them into context. I hope to just find peace in the end, and rectify with those who have helped me so much.
I’ve found peace letting go of my ego, it still appears to be there because it has been my defence mechanism my entire life. I wonder if fake courage and the appearance of hope could become real, or if it will just keep people from helping me.
Atleast I’m not in pain, and I can sleep contently on a simple meal. I just want to do my friends right.