I managed to shut my mind off from depression tonight, except the pain in my chest and being incredibly mentally exhausted. I just thought to myself: “I won’t live to be old” so it put me at ease. I can shut my eyes and try to forget everything around me, because in all honesty, nothing matters.
Once I start noticing how happy other people are around me, I completely nullify the thought out. I stop giving a shit. I’ve always been labeled, stared at, questioned, bullied, abused, etc. all because I don’t walk the fine line of human social standards. All that does is make me resent people. People don’t usually realize that every little negative thing they say to someone can cause all the built up tension to snap on something or someone. Here for example, people usually leave me be because they don’t get what it’s like or they try to shape me to be what they accept and get angry because I’m me; no one can change that. I’m no one’s friend and I don’t want any, because of the loss I’ve already endured and because of the unlikelihood anyone understanding. Let me live my short life on this planet in peace.