[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

LightningBolt
 
Please stop being sad…

I fucking hate it when panic attacks come out of nowhere, it gets on my nerves.
 
Stupid anxiety….

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@Altopony  
Art?

I have begun to realize something. It seems that a lot of times I drive people away with my severe outbursts, I really wish I could say that my last post was the first time this happened, but it’s not and certainly won’t be the last. Aside from the internet, I have very little people I can vent to, I’m not an introvert and I have a lot of people I hang out with but not necessarily my “friends”, they really aren’t there when I need, and the best advice I’ve gotten from most of are the irritatingly superficial “I’m sorry to hear that” or “Fuck bro, that’s too bad”.
 
When my father passed away last September, everything in my life halted, I lost weight, I dropped out of college, I developed pretty bad insomnia, I am in an “off and on relationship” with my girlfriend, and the relationship is toxic to say the least. I just continue to fuck myself over. No questions asked.
 
But yet, I hide behind this smile, this fake positive aura, everyday. I’m the guy that will drop everything I’m doing to help you out, sometimes even spending what little money I have to mail dry food to a friend I’ve never physically met because he didn’t have any at that moment.
 
But I’m certainly no altruist, I constantly beat myself up on the inside, stressing myself to the point that I snap and put an imaginary wall in between me and my potentially positive relationships, and this has been a viscous cycle for many months now.

Having things in common, it seems rare, I cann’t even see who to talk to the most…
 
No one shares the most of my interests  
Almost No one sees what line I walked in life  
It seems that most people have a hard time understanding me
 
–  
I’m a walking newspaper… I say something interesting and walk back home. Or online I say things, add people to my list of friends and then it gets no where else.  
– : I don’t know if that’s correctly stated.
 
I’m interesting, i’m weird, I’m cool, I’m helpful, I am shy, I’m depressed-lonely, sometiems restless, starving for food I cant consume, deal with two disorders..
 
When people help me, I only feel as if I created more burden, feel worse, still feel alone, or their not seeing what I’m seeing, or they don’t help correctly, or they just most of all don’t understand.  
I don’t feel close to my family.  
I don’t have much in common with my friends  
I don’t have much in common with my online friends  
I can’t eat regular foods  
People don’t know what I am saying sometimes or a lot of times
 
Becoming my friend is okay, but becoming my close friend is difficult.
 
My belief; Your family members are also your friends, you can only choose your friends. What ever circle you put people in… Like how close they may be to you.
 
I share only few of things in common with my friends. My family..? Probably just very fewer of things..
 
My chest hurts, I have hyperglycemia, celiac, schizoaffective disorder, autism.
 
And during general stress times my family would sometimes assume I’m paranoid or not helping correctly most of the time. Friends just are company but it doesn’t really get too exciting, but they help. Family doesn’t really help me feel better, but other things they help with are okay enough.

@Innauth  
Hey, just throwinng this out there, if u need a friend Im here

@Innauth  
Someone with a similar struggle. I know what it’s like.

@Dashiefluffywaifu  
Thank you
 
@That1GuyGAMER18  
And I keep moving forward.
 
––––––––––––––––  
One more time, stated another way; It’s hard to find those that have a lot in common while also finding those that have calm, collected understandings of me and with correct space, so i can/could feel that close circle.
 
And again, there are people I am friends with, but share only little in common with.

Fixed the last paragraph on my post.

@Innauth  
If you want someone talk to. My Discord is That1GuyGAMER18#1349

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@Altopony  
Figured. Either way we’ll jump into the rabbit hole together.
 

 
@Badheart  
That’s a beautiful picture.
 
We’ll return to the earth one day.

@TwilyIsBestPone  
hug

@Dashiefluffywaifu  
~hugs you as well

Addiction is your worst enemy.

My companion’s condition is getting worse…it’s for sure the C word…

@KolpSlack  
Coronavirus? Check your fried into the hospital, dude.

@Genevamode  
No, the other C thing.

Dusk hour, another day dies.
 
I drive my Cadillac off a cliff and go to sleep.

@KolpSlack  
Oh. I’m really sorry to hear the news.

I’m proud to say that I’ve made up for my mistakes. :)

I no longer wish to live in this world anymore.

@Innauth  
Pepe hands  
sorry <3  
Understanding some pony takes time. I believe you are an amazing person, and I hope you find an adequate level of judgment & understanding in the people around you. I respect the line you walk.  
Hyperglycemia, food issues, chest pains. That’s no fun.  
(I have more to say, and it breaks my heart to feel like you don’t want me to say it.)