[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@LightningBolt  

 
Oh, sorry.

THROWBACK THURSDAY: I am of a broken family for nearly two years now. My dad legitimally contemplated suicide on this very month when my mom’s relationship with him grew cold over the years and he suspectively found out that she’s having an affair with a tomboy (which is my distant cousin) which absolutely tore my father apart and filled him with vicious rage.
 
I was at the rightmost place and rightmost time when I caught dad standing on a stamp with a four inch thick rope on his neck preparing to jump. We talked for seemingly like an endless hours how much devastated he was when he found her affair with that girl she met not too long ago.  
So far up till now I’ve never seen him acted anything the way like he did before in my entire life, and I still don’t understand how they ended up this way since they were passionately close and we were all bonding together three years earlier.
 

@Count Adramélekh Sear 🎸  

 
Did he really die?

………………………………..

@Count Adramélekh Sear 🎸  
Urgh, I hate people who have affairs. Like, I don’t care about their reasons, they should’ve been more honest about it. Like, a simple “I don’t love you anymore” is much more preferable over an affair.

@Shylover
 

@SaviorAssassin1996  
Nope. Yet I may have caught him twice trying to do that but still, nope.
 
He’s living his own life someplace else where he experience freedom and liberation away from that mess they’ve made while both of them at the end of the day accept the fact that their relationship is colder than an ice and don’t roll with each other anymore.
 
He looks better than he was before but his depression may have just cut off his life expectancy.

@Count Adramélekh Sear 🎸  

 
Help him.

@SaviorAssassin1996  
Been there, done that, too risky for my own health too.
 
Also, he also manages to seek psychologic doctors all by himself and been using antidepressants and life remedies until last year.
 
He’s all good as of this moment.

Felt suicidal at work for some reason. Glad I didn’t tell anyone either. Nobody would ask how I felt anyways. I’d lose everything then I’d really want to die after that.
 
Guess I’m getting seriously sick of it. Sick of my life and the people in it always giving me shit. Some days I feel worse and I think each time it happens it becomes deeper. Always trying to fix myself and never accepting myself for the mess I am. Fucking medication, some help that is. I only take it because I’m afraid to not take it. I don’t remember how I felt before being on it years ago.
 
I just don’t want to be here anymore.

@TempFizzle  
I wish I could hug you :( ik what it’s like this mental battle and balance of not wanting to be here anymore and hoping it all gets better really eats a guy up hard to ignore these feelings of dread and depleted self worth

I can’t even go to work without feeling like shit and have to take off today.
 
All I keep thinking about is how someone treated me on this very thread and how I tried to ask for an answer several times with this reaction I got just to be neglected of any solution. All I want to do is leave it but I’m so depressed and don’t have another site to write my thoughts down. I’m so fucking tired of people like this always getting away with it and it’s turned me into a huge mess. It makes me so angry.
 
I need to get drunk or high or something cause I’m so low right now I could do anything. I can’t ask anyone in real life for help either because that response is a locked cell or a padded room even when I’m not harmful.
 
I just want to die. No more trouble from anyone, no more feeling so unworthy of life, just dead. I can’t be happy. I’ve experienced too many cruel things in my life to become normal. Even some people agree to me that I shouldn’t live if I don’t want to, but it’s hard when you’re not capable of even attempting it. You’re just stuck in misery and listening to your heart slow down and try to hold your breath and hope that your body just quits. The lights just shut off and it’s done.
 
I didn’t ask for this accident of a life. Most grow up so normal and happy and I can’t stand it. I’m tired of seeing it. I can’t do the things I love like MLP because of how different I am.

Mods…

And I can’t do shit about people making fun of me cause it’ll just go right back to me. I hope this thread gets closed, cause this bullying is ridiculous.

@TempFizzle  
Someone is trying to bully you?
 
What where you trying to ask?

@Ninji  
Read Shylover’s edited post. They’re mocking me basically.
 
Yeah I think I’ve seen all I needed to see on this site. I’ll be writing my thoughts elsewhere and avoiding the forums like a plague. Because it’s really getting to me and I don’t need it.
 
I want to thank you for being nice to me though. You’re one of the few.

@TempFizzle  
I’ll have to pay more attention to catch it.
 
It’d be nice if you didn’t have to leave. I doubt anyone is going to try and maintain ego conflict with you.
 
Best way to grind into a bully is keep your cool, but I’m sure some bullies are quite persistent

@Ninji  
Yeah and not say anything to them like “leave me alone” because that’ll just get me a lashing, plus unneeded drama and condescending, unsupportive responses to said drama. Yet it’s okay for someone else to say that to me, and it’s okay to mock someone like me with depression and a history of suicidal tendencies. It’s what I’ve preached all along about how cruel people are, especially online.
 
I’m the bad one for sticking to the topic on this thread by sharing my experience and current struggles. The only one who actually wants to discuss it with me is you, so I thank you again. It’s what this thread is supposed to be. I still think it’s dangerous to keep it open and I think I understand why it says “revival” in the title. It was probably locked before. Maybe from bullies too? Just a hunch.
 
I’ll use an online journal somewhere. Something private. Maybe a word document. But I won’t trust a soul to read them.

Growing up isn’t about giving up your childhood. It’s about finding where that childhood belongs in your adult life.

@TempFizzle  
They were not.
 
Do not make public accusations of this nature, especially in threads like this. If you believe someone is breaking the rules, report them.

Two depressed people having a fight (well, more like a one-sided fight) is an interesting sight to behold.
 
I apologize if I am rude. I’m just stating my thoughts, as rude as they can be.

@Archonix  
Then what exactly were they referring to with the “^” symbols? And it’s okay for someone to call me a shit head too right? Fuck this place.

@TempFizzle  
So where are you going to post?
 
I depend on derpibooru for social interaction. Maybe I’ll make a school friend this semester.
 
You ever try drugs? I’m usually happy with weed and coffee, but I’ve tried all sorts of shit.
 
Edit: I’m curious what they have you taking