[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Background Pony #3F6A  
I don’t care to be honest.

@DarkObsidian
 
It’s my leg…

@Badheart  
I hate random itches when it’s hard to get sleep

@Ninji  
No, friend. You don’t know.
 
Why am I still alive?
 
All I can hope for is to help people in my last of days, all I wanted is for one man’s life to matter.
 
 
Why the fuck am I here?

Tabitha doesn’t need me.
 
I’ll always be useless.
 
 
No matter, I’ll be dead soon anyway.
 
This entire fandom hates my guts.
 
Wherever I go, I’ll be hated.  
I’m the bad guy.
 
So say goodnight.

@TempFizzle  
I know its pretty cliche and homo but can I please give you a hug. Seriously I can relate to just about every word you said. I know it hurts.

@Labyrinthine  
No I’m serious, why can’t people like me that honestly wish to no longer live (or at least be put to sleep and die on my own) have a professional assist them with doing so? No locking up in a cage and living the next several decades being even more sheltered and neglected and possibly even abused by those who work in such places or maybe even experimented on. Normies in the society I live in avoid me like a plague, and see no hope and offer no help because I’m just a nobody in all seriousness. I just fuck everything up for everyone else I come across.
 
Furthermore, so many are trained not to care, technology invented to do all the hard work, a future I don’t want to see. Constant hate just to hate, because it’s a social norm. It’s in the media and mostly shown much easier online. It’s accepted human behavior now. People mock and belittle the weak, because they want them off the face of the Earth, and I bet, under a few circumstances, they would kill them just for being different. I see it on the news, I see young people with guns shooting other young people. Groups among groups gather together and hurt the single weakest person they can find until they snap or they die.

There’s a paradise of friendship I’ll never have access to, I’ll go to the grave being alone and miserable.
 
God is a fucking idiot.

@TempFizzle  
Trust me dude, I fully support voluntary euthanasia for reasons beyond terminal illness just like yourself.
 
Seriously, are you a long lost twin? The bleak outlook you have is so similar to how I feel about so much shit.

My life hates me today.

You know those little plastic things that some people put on light switches so they stay on forever? I wish I had one for my happiness switch.

I still remember in amidst my insomnia plagued period of life that I took measurements of certain fixtures in the backyard to find out how long the rope should be. I remember doing that almost every morning for a week, making sure it was just right.
 
I had everything set up, all the materials I needed and at the last minute I pussied out when I tested the rope to see if it would cut off my circulation.
 
I still condemn myself for being too cowardly to go through with it and this was well over a year ago now.

I listen to this when I’m sad. Beautiful voice, beautiful tune, feeling of my reality. It helps me accept my situation, helps me cry internally.
 
Link

7 years of being in the fandom, with 7 years of hate. isn’t that fun? Why am I not gone yet?

@DDavy  
I don’t even know who you are.

@Badheart  
Just another random person dropping and venting in, who else could I be?

@DDavy  
Well, I like your avatar. So it’s a start isn’t it? You haven’t done anything wrong.

@TempFizzle  
Thank you. But the icon was made by someone else. Done anything wrong? Well, I kept being a problem bugging other people..someone even shared my problems on their discord server that i sent to only them and just became a bad influence. it heavily hurt seeing that all they put. someone told me its slowly killing me, but thats fine..i didnt wanna live anymore since my hearts always hurting everytime.

@DDavy  
The party doesn’t stop in the suicide forum.
 
Someone on this very thread told me to kill myself, I had him pissing on his own balls.

@Badheart  
Lmao even Sanctioned Suicide has rules against people encouraging others to kill themselves

@Badheart  
Nice. Then the party shall resume here then. But that’s just stupid. As suicidal and harmful as I am to myself, i’m not that harmful to tell others to go die. I keep my problems and harm to myself mostly.

I could never end my life, I just would rather die. I’m sick and I don’t want to be sick anymore. It will never go away.

I had too much caffeine and now I feel depressed… too much caffeine makes me depressed for some reason… like really soon after consumption
 
Besides that I guess I’m okay… stomach feels a little iffy and I feel a little dizzy of course and tired and.. yawn
 
I’m estimating I probably have at least 600+mg of caffeine in my system.. probably too much
 
Maybe even 700+  
probably closer to 600.. still a lot
 
Oh and my body feels tense.. hmm
 
meh… ugh.. why does life have to be so fucking hard and stupid
 
gahhhhhhh
 
I feel so dizzy right now that I can barely think.. I should just stop typing now
 
and now I have a headache… and now my heel hurts because I stepped wrong down some steps
 
ffs… I think I should just go lay down

This is everything I predicted almost 10 years ago.  
Almost no friends. Every day feeling like purgatory. Enjoyment of past interests long gone. Mentally ill beyond comprehension.
 
If eugenics was in practice, subhuman scum like me wouldn’t have existed in the first place.