[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

Gentlecolt
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012
Wallet After Summer Sale -

@Gecko
I don't know if a brony depression/suicide thread is the best place to find company. Not many people even visit this thread. I'd love to help, but I selfishly value my solitary peace too much
atalarikt
Artist -

EqG fan + Love Liver
There are times where I still blame myself for the terrible things I did during my elementary school days, to the point where I cry quite hard. Those things may not look big to others, but to me, they changed my life. A lot. Hell, I even attempted suicide during several times, but the elementary school me was absolutely a coward, and I no longer want to die, since I found out that I still have many things to finish, so it's actually… a little bit good for me? I don't know.
And Brother I Hurt People
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I don't know what to even do with myself anymore. I don't have any discernible personality to grab onto. One day I feel like a sweet talking, innocent girl, the next I feel artsy and antique, another maybe rough and tumble…my entire personality feels like it's in flux. And it's been this way for a while. There's been nights where I just stare at my ceiling and try really hard to think about what my personality really is, and I can't come up with anything.

I get sad at the tiniest bit of criticism, and start berating myself for not being better. I just want to sink into a warm, inviting abyss and fall for the rest of my life. While I would never, ever try to commit suicide, thinking about doing it makes me feel a little better. I have no motivation to better myself, and I'm just lying to others about how well read I am or whatever. I'm not as smart as people seem to think I am, I'm just really good at piecing together facts into what sounds like convincing articles and arguments. I haven't a lick of common sense. I really don't feel like I have anything.
Scrabbleman
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012
Duck - He literally asked for this
Friendship, Art, and Magic (5 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Artist -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Wallet After Summer Sale -

[screams in German]
I feel like my parents are holding me down. They are the anchors that make sure I don't do anything stupid, but they also make sure I stay in place. I mean, I love my parents but they don't seem to push me to my ambition.

I always wanted to go to arts school. I wanted to do arts in the form of fiction, whether by comics, digital media or even novellas. But instead, here I am, sitting in the cafeteria of a German engineering school. The very opposite of what I wanted. I guess it's because my bro being a pilot instead of going to college, my sister going to business school instead of medical school so nothing went as plan.

I don't want to give up my dreams to be part of the art and entertainment community but I feel like I don't have a choice anymore.
GERgta
Artist -
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
Thread Starter - [Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
@And Brother I Hurt People
Oh yes, I can relate. I've figured that I only needed someone to hold, but that went wrong like 2 times since I realised. Kinda just gave up. Not sure if it would help you, but you could try finding a partner.

@HJSDGCE
You could try taking the freetime that you have and make something out of it. It's sometimes easier not to, but give it a try: Do some planning, set your goals and dedicate yourself to that thing you really want. Don't let others hold you down, and make something out of your life. You might succeed, if you're lucky.
Gecko
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

Wew, what did I kick off here all of a sudden.

@HJSDGCE
You sound surprised.
I failed because the rope was not long enough to properly get it around the wooden beam in my apartment, and because some guy I don't even care about annoyed me in Steam to play games with him. Great fucking reasons to continue living, amirite?


@atalarikt
I hope I got that correctly that you were kinda over the stuff from your school? Because if so, pretty much the only advice I can give you is:
Stick to what keeps you going while it lasts. =]


@And Brother I Hurt People
I get what you mean. But allow me to ask this one question: Do you have to be able to put into words exactly who and what you are? I think the persons who can do that just like that are pretty shallow tbh. You are what you are.
But from your description, I'd suggest evaluating what exactly you makes you feel the way you feel, and why, several times a day. Consider writing that down somewhere, too, for your eyes only. Maybe go talk to a psychologist. It could be a difficult but "normal" time in your adolescence just as it could be signs of a bipolar disorder or something similar.
And I know that doesn't sound like much, but common sense as well as intelligence, education or w/e you wanna call it… are very relative things. And I'm entirely serious when I say that the more you know, the more you begin to realize how little you really know. I know what I'm talking about with this one. You questioning your own abilities in this is a rather good sign imo, although not to that extent.

@HJSDGCE
What GERgta said. You're in charge of your life, especially your career and your hobbies. Parents are often like that, but don't let it keep you from doing what you really want. I myself am kinda about to escape from my parents, I hope that I can get out of here by next month, moving into my own flat or whatever. Probably because of different reasons for the most part, but my point is: With this kind of stuff, it should be your choice, and your choice only.
And if all else fails, keep it up as a mere hobby then! People should rather identify themselves through their hobbies than their jobs. The same goes for And Brother I Hurt People btw.


@GERgta
How are you, b0ss?
Scrabbleman
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012
Duck - He literally asked for this
Friendship, Art, and Magic (5 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Artist -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Wallet After Summer Sale -

[screams in German]
@Gecko
Thanks but seriously dude, don't throw away your life.
Enjoy the little things in life.
It's just like that phrase my teacher told me.

"A man cannot lead a kingdom if he cannot lead himself."
Try small. Big comes later.

I mean, my life pretty much sucks with me studying in something I don't want for a degree I don't care just because my parents say so but that doesn't mean I would throw away everything. Life builds up to something grand for everyone but only if they live long enough and experience enough to see it. You sometimes see those people dying peacefully on their deathbeds? They managed to see their greatest piece of life. Sure, not all of us gets to see it much like not all of us getting to be a millionaire. We all live terrible lives. Sometimes you just gotta walk forward, no matter the distance.

But hey, that's what life is all about. Making our shitty lives better.
Gecko
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

@HJSDGCE
At this stage, "throwing my life away" would be doing a favour for most people, actually.
And there's no one keeping me here, either. So it wouldn't go to waste.
But no, I don't really want to do it.
I tried my best. My very best. But I guess I'm just not supposed to be happy. For every man living a beautiful life, there are five who are dying in agony. This is the impression I got from living on this planet so far. Because there IS a point at which life couldn't possibly surprise you with anything that grand to make up for what has happened, and for how long it went on.

I wish I could enjoy the small things. But it just won't work, no matter how small I go. No events, no games, no music… not even snacks will cheer me up.
And I don't have anything else really :(

It's just getting worse and worse, and there is no hope. There never was any.
But I will try one more thing, which is almost certain to fail though.
Scrabbleman
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012
Duck - He literally asked for this
Friendship, Art, and Magic (5 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Artist -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Wallet After Summer Sale -

[screams in German]
@Gecko
Well, that depends.
Do you like adrenaline or maybe leisure? Do you prefer social activities or anti-social activities? Indoors or outdoors? Easy going or hardwork? Adventure or history? New or old? Fantasy or sci-fi?

Really, it just depends on these questions and these aren't even all of it. It also depends on the mood like me, I like a bit of flair in my life but there are times that I want to sit in an empty room and think for a minute (or hours).

Come on, I'm rooting for ya to be happy! Try this first step by changing your avatar to something more positive.
Scrabbleman
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012
Duck - He literally asked for this
Friendship, Art, and Magic (5 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Artist -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (6 Years) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Wallet After Summer Sale -

[screams in German]
@GERgta
I really wanted to take arts or social studies for my degree.
But instead, I'm forced to partake in engineering.

Which is why I'm here on this thread to begin with.
GERgta
Artist -
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
Thread Starter - [Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
@HJSDGCE
Don't let other people tell you what to do. You will just end up getting bored with life. Stand up for yourself, and tell the others "This is bullshit!". Do your own thing. But plan everything. Try your luck, and you might be able to be happy for the rest of your life.
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