Beth 
In digital purgatory
I get bounced between temporary doctors so much I developed an obsession with the idea their is something fundementally wrong with me. It feels like it's not my fault, I was told so many things by so many people.
If I cope rope now, I would have spent 30 years being the worlds biggest loser. I can not accept this. I have to take every resource I can to gain meaningful employment, and if there is anything stopping this, I'll actually be able to find out.
I get a case worker now, someone to actually follow up with me, and help me with what's going on. That's fucking rad, I never had a professional that would consistently guide me. I get outpatient, a new psyche evaluation, second opinion, and I can even share my thoughts on this malingering thing, that's cool. I have newfound insight onto my psychogenic illness, the 'eureka' I had when I left is still there.
I was guiding myself to this conclusion already, I thought I needed some kind of corrective medicine. Instead of medicine I'm getting social help, and a newfound sense of responsibility.
This isn't hopeless, I got to stay in the game with 1hp, or I die with the lower score in all of humanity.
[@Badheart](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=5310859#post_5310859)
Thank you, you're the best <3
If I cope rope now, I would have spent 30 years being the worlds biggest loser. I can not accept this. I have to take every resource I can to gain meaningful employment, and if there is anything stopping this, I'll actually be able to find out.
I get a case worker now, someone to actually follow up with me, and help me with what's going on. That's fucking rad, I never had a professional that would consistently guide me. I get outpatient, a new psyche evaluation, second opinion, and I can even share my thoughts on this malingering thing, that's cool. I have newfound insight onto my psychogenic illness, the 'eureka' I had when I left is still there.
I was guiding myself to this conclusion already, I thought I needed some kind of corrective medicine. Instead of medicine I'm getting social help, and a newfound sense of responsibility.
This isn't hopeless, I got to stay in the game with 1hp, or I die with the lower score in all of humanity.
[@Badheart](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=5310859#post_5310859)
Thank you, you're the best <3