Viewing last 25 versions of post by FliegerFaustToP47 in topic [Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

FliegerFaustToP47
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Speaking Fancy - Badge given to members that help with translations
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.

Floofy & Friendly Plone
[@FliegerFaustToP47](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=4993470#post_4993470)
> World decides to beat the crap out of me again...
>  
> I just woke up from my stupid fantasy and realized that my only friend right now (Which i chatted in Telegram) may be dead. It's almost two/three months and she hasn't replied back, neither shown some sign of activity on her accounts (She's an artist), worse it's that she has several illnesses that are lethal, and I have no way to communicate with her other than Telegram.
>  
> I have no point in going on with life anymore. I can't seem to make friends and the few ones i have backstab me, leave, or die (That i hope it's not the case, but it's a real possibility I can't simply ignore).
>  
> The only thing helping me not to kill myself was talking with her, with somebody... And this artwork i found somewhere that ocassionally makes me think twice...
>  
> ![full](https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/6/4/1749954__safe_artist-colon-darkest-dash-lunar-dash-flower_princess+luna_alicorn_pony_blushing_crying_female_mare_motivational_rarity27s+cutie+mark_smiling_solo_.png)
>  
>  
> But now there's the chance the only friend I had that didn't stab me in the back or use me for stuff may be dead. And it hurts....
>  
> I'm trying to stay alive just to help others, because atleast other people can be joyful and not end like a bastard like me. To make people laugh, to make them feel good and overall be a supporting guy. But i don't care about myself at this point, what's the point for me in making friends when either they decide you're not "cool" or whaterver enough for them, or die. What's the point in advancing when you see the signs that you will fail no matter what. It's like the world just wants me to suffer.
>  
> I hate my life... Yet i am unable to fully cut my wrist, and any amount of pills i take doesn't end this. Ironic and sad, i'm a coward who can't seem to walk the next step.
>  
> It's like the world just got some popcorn and soda while it watches me and laughs. Like if i would be one of those cartoons where the guy always fails miserably whaterver he tries to do.

Remember this...? Ah, I remember that post...

Shortly afterwards I got the best friend I could ever have...

He was kind, gentle, funny and we were both on the same interests, we pretty much matched eachother and, at a point, we were the only friend at all both had, because we were both socially anxious.

He was probably that kind of friend you're really lucky, and I'm really lucky to have him as a friend...

Today is his birthday... It's been two months and a day (September 1st) since I haven't any reply from him or he had any activity everywhere... I even had made a birthday gift just for him that I was sure he would love

Oh shit... Here we go again... Again with fearing the unknown, again with fearing that my friend is not okay or even worse, dead... Again having to hold my heart waiting like Hachiko for him to come back and we talk again... I had so many stuff to talk to him... Again with the slow yet sure mental skirmish between my idealist "Please, he's probably okay" and my cynical "He's probably dead and if anything you might have been the responsible"... Again with being alone...

We even were planning to do a joint Collab application, but I couldn't even show him the drawing of his finished ponysona...

I miss you... I really miss you Starly... I just hope you're okay... Wherever you are... And... If you're dead... That I don't want to consider but it's a real possibility... I just hope... You're doing great there in heaven and that you get to enjoy all that you didn't have on Earth...

At this point I'm sure world hates me... I'm the worst piece of crap ever if I get the best friend I always wanted and world decides to take it away in less than a year of chat...

I just feel cold inside md, feel awful mentally, feel confused and scared, feel lonely... Feel like I want to die as of now...
No reason given
Edited by FliegerFaustToP47
FliegerFaustToP47
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Speaking Fancy - Badge given to members that help with translations
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.

Floofy & Friendly Plone
[@FliegerFaustToP47](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=4993470#post_4993470)
> World decides to beat the crap out of me again...
>  
> I just woke up from my stupid fantasy and realized that my only friend right now (Which i chatted in Telegram) may be dead. It's almost two/three months and she hasn't replied back, neither shown some sign of activity on her accounts (She's an artist), worse it's that she has several illnesses that are lethal, and I have no way to communicate with her other than Telegram.
>  
> I have no point in going on with life anymore. I can't seem to make friends and the few ones i have backstab me, leave, or die (That i hope it's not the case, but it's a real possibility I can't simply ignore).
>  
> The only thing helping me not to kill myself was talking with her, with somebody... And this artwork i found somewhere that ocassionally makes me think twice...
>  
> ![full](https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/6/4/1749954__safe_artist-colon-darkest-dash-lunar-dash-flower_princess+luna_alicorn_pony_blushing_crying_female_mare_motivational_rarity27s+cutie+mark_smiling_solo_.png)
>  
>  
> But now there's the chance the only friend I had that didn't stab me in the back or use me for stuff may be dead. And it hurts....
>  
> I'm trying to stay alive just to help others, because atleast other people can be joyful and not end like a bastard like me. To make people laugh, to make them feel good and overall be a supporting guy. But i don't care about myself at this point, what's the point for me in making friends when either they decide you're not "cool" or whaterver enough for them, or die. What's the point in advancing when you see the signs that you will fail no matter what. It's like the world just wants me to suffer.
>  
> I hate my life... Yet i am unable to fully cut my wrist, and any amount of pills i take doesn't end this. Ironic and sad, i'm a coward who can't seem to walk the next step.
>  
> It's like the world just got some popcorn and soda while it watches me and laughs. Like if i would be one of those cartoons where the guy always fails miserably whaterver he tries to do.

Remember this...? Ah, I remember that post...

Shortly afterwards I got the best friend I could ever have...

He was kind, gentle, funny and we were both on the same interests, we pretty much matched eachother and, at a point, we were the only friend at all both had, because we were both socially anxious.

He was probably that kind of friend you're really lucky, and I'm really lucky to have him as a friend...

Today is his birthday... It's been two months since I haven't any reply from him or he had any activity everywhere... I even had made a birthday gift just for him that I was sure he would love

Oh shit... Here we go again... Again with fearing the unknown, again with fearing that my friend is not okay or even worse, dead... Again having to hold my heart waiting like Hachiko for him to come back and we talk again... I had so many stuff to talk to him... Again with the slow yet sure mental skirmish between my idealist "Please, he's probably okay" and my cynical "He's probably dead and if anything you might have been the responsible"... Again with being alone...

We even were planning to do a joint Collab application, but I couldn't even show him the drawing of his finished ponysona...

I miss you... I really miss you Starly... I just hope you're okay... Wherever you are... And... If you're dead... That I don't want to consider but it's a real possibility... I just hope... You're doing great there in heaven and that you get to enjoy all that you didn't have on Earth...

At this point I'm sure world hates me... I'm the worst piece of crap ever if I get the best friend I always wanted and world decides to take it away in less than a year of chat...

I just feel cold inside md, feel awful mentally, feel confused and scared, feel lonely... Feel like I want to die as of now...
No reason given
Edited by FliegerFaustToP47
FliegerFaustToP47
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Speaking Fancy - Badge given to members that help with translations
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.

Floofy & Friendly Plone
[@FliegerFaustToP47](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=4993470#post_4993470)
> World decides to beat the crap out of me again...
>  
> I just woke up from my stupid fantasy and realized that my only friend right now (Which i chatted in Telegram) may be dead. It's almost two/three months and she hasn't replied back, neither shown some sign of activity on her accounts (She's an artist), worse it's that she has several illnesses that are lethal, and I have no way to communicate with her other than Telegram.
>  
> I have no point in going on with life anymore. I can't seem to make friends and the few ones i have backstab me, leave, or die (That i hope it's not the case, but it's a real possibility I can't simply ignore).
>  
> The only thing helping me not to kill myself was talking with her, with somebody... And this artwork i found somewhere that ocassionally makes me think twice...
>  
> ![full](https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/6/4/1749954__safe_artist-colon-darkest-dash-lunar-dash-flower_princess+luna_alicorn_pony_blushing_crying_female_mare_motivational_rarity27s+cutie+mark_smiling_solo_.png)
>  
>  
> But now there's the chance the only friend I had that didn't stab me in the back or use me for stuff may be dead. And it hurts....
>  
> I'm trying to stay alive just to help others, because atleast other people can be joyful and not end like a bastard like me. To make people laugh, to make them feel good and overall be a supporting guy. But i don't care about myself at this point, what's the point for me in making friends when either they decide you're not "cool" or whaterver enough for them, or die. What's the point in advancing when you see the signs that you will fail no matter what. It's like the world just wants me to suffer.
>  
> I hate my life... Yet i am unable to fully cut my wrist, and any amount of pills i take doesn't end this. Ironic and sad, i'm a coward who can't seem to walk the next step.
>  
> It's like the world just got some popcorn and soda while it watches me and laughs. Like if i would be one of those cartoons where the guy always fails miserably whaterver he tries to do.

Remember this...? Ah, I remember that post...

Shortly afterwards I got the best friend I could ever have...

He was kind, gentle, funny and we were both on the same interests, we pretty much matched eachother and, at a point, we were the only friend at all both had, because we were both socially anxious.

He was probably that kind of friend you're really lucky, and I'm really lucky to have him as a friend...

Today is his birthday... It's been two months since I haven't any reply from him or he had any activity everywhere... I even had made a birthday gift just for him that I was sure he would love

Oh shit... Here we go again... Again with fearing the unknown, again with fearing that my friend is not okay or even worse, dead... Again having to hold my heart waiting like Hachiko for him to come back and we talk again... I had so many stuff to talk to him... Again with the slow yet sure mental skirmish between my idealist "Please, he's probably okay" and my cynical "He's probably dead and if anything you might have been the responsible"... Again with being alone...

We even were planning to do a joint Collab application, but I couldn't even show him the drawing of his finished ponysona...

I miss you... I really miss you Starly... I just hope you're okay... Wherever you are... And... If you're dead... That I don't want to consider but it's a real possibility... I just hope... You're doing great there in heaven and that you get to enjoy all that you didn't have on Earth...

At this point I'm sure world hates me... I'm the worst piece of crap ever if I get the best friend I always wanted and world decides to take it away in less than a year of chat...

I just feel cold, feel awful, feel confused and scared, feel lonely... Feel like I want to die as of now...
No reason given
Edited by FliegerFaustToP47