Beth 
"[@KolpSlack":](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=4699043#post_4699043
There) is a huge list.
DXM while I tend to praise I've had a darker experience seeking harder doses until I'd spend 3 days flopping around unable to walk. For a while I was bent on killing myself in this dissociated state where I wasn't afraid, I was glorifying the idea of suicide to stick it to the people I hate. I done some of this at my dad's place, he kicked one of my teeth in before going back to his room to smoke meth with his girlfriend.
I got put in the ER twice freaking out of meth. I used a needle for real small amounts, I got robbed over it, and in a fist fight. I remember looking on the carpet for it, usually around my desk. I really don't like the people around this drug, they can never get enough like hungry hungry hippos exept violent.
Spice almost got my mom to kick me out. Violent seizures and fear of death was common. My mom introduced me to it, it just happened to freak her out way faster to the point where she's tripping on it and tells me to never bring it into the house again.
Never did heroin, but I stuck it in someone's vein.
They start staggering over like they're about to die, and then they burst up laughing. Ofc some of it was for me, I let him do all of it and that decision probally almost killed him.
Now haRd alcohol was pretty miserable. I'd feel like super man when I got fucked up though I'd get a whole half gallon and drink it straight. I've woken up in intensive care, I've had seizures with my mom trying to drive me home, I've fallen down the stairs, and I've ruined Christmas for myself.
Weed has been ok, but I've spent quite a lot on it.
The beer has been slippery, it has gotten me back into alcohol on various occasions.
Why do all this? Because I was scared, and I thought this is how adults dealt with fear. Fear of never being enough, never being loved or successful, fear of my own feelings I wanted to be a robot, I wanted to be above human squaller but all along I was deep in it.
In digital purgatory
There
DXM while I tend to praise I've had a darker experience seeking harder doses until I'd spend 3 days flopping around unable to walk. For a while I was bent on killing myself in this dissociated state where I wasn't afraid, I was glorifying the idea of suicide to stick it to the people I hate. I done some of this at my dad's place, he kicked one of my teeth in before going back to his room to smoke meth with his girlfriend.
I got put in the ER twice freaking out of meth. I used a needle for real small amounts, I got robbed over it, and in a fist fight. I remember looking on the carpet for it, usually around my desk. I really don't like the people around this drug, they can never get enough like hungry hungry hippos exept violent.
Spice almost got my mom to kick me out. Violent seizures and fear of death was common. My mom introduced me to it, it just happened to freak her out way faster to the point where she's tripping on it and tells me to never bring it into the house again.
Never did heroin, but I stuck it in someone's vein.
The
Now haRd alcohol was pretty miserable. I'd feel like s
Weed has been ok, but I've spent quite a lot on it.
The beer has been slippery, it has gotten me back into alcohol on various occasions.
Why do all this? Because I was scared, and I thought this is how adults dealt with fear. Fear of never being enough, never being loved or successful, fear of my own feelings I wanted to be a robot, I wanted to be above human squaller but all along I was deep in it.