My Little Pony No-No's

I will not feed Celestia to a raven with the aim of creating a nuclear powered raven
 
I will not help Nightmare moon create eternal night to:  
a)Gain favour with the vampires bat ponies  
b)in order to steal the moon and replace it with a fake one
 
I will not enlist Princess Luna’s help in to start a war with the lunarians. _{Even if they are elitist Pricks}
 
I will not forestall Winter Wrap up to collect enough essence of spring to awaken an evil tree
 
I will not spread a rumour saying that in order to win Luna’s hand in marriage, you need to complete 5 impossible requests
 
I will not enlist Pinkie Pie’s help in creating a party large enough to break the barrier between Equestria and our world
 
I will not hide under a bridge and jump out when someone crosses it with threats of eating them  

I will not make Trixie my Sith apprentice.

@Shadow Star  
What happened to the other four?
 
-I will not speak entirely in interpretive dance, mime, grunts, Monty Python quotes, or a Tommy Wiseau impression.  
-I will not greet everypony I meet with “holy shit a talking horse!”  
-I will not refer to any stallion as the incredible Mr. Ed.  
-I will not offer to baby sit anypony. Especially one that is full grown.  
-I will not claim to be from the future just to feed Rarity the silliest future fashion tips I can make up.  
-On a similar note, nopony has to come with me if they want to live.  
-I will not fraudulently claim to be a barber just to shave bald ponies I dislike.  
-I will keep the rump slapping to a minimum.  
-I will not greet Zecora with a hearty cry of “what’s up my zigger?” Even I have some standards.  
-I will not claim to be a certified accountant for the purposes of identity theft.

other four what?

@Shadow Star  
Shit. I was reading sith as fifth. for some ungodly reason.

-I will not skin a pony alive to throw at a Japanese god or Celestia to scare her away
 
-I will not invite Celestia and Luna to a banquet held by Uke Mochi. It didn’t end well last time…
 
-If Celestia seems down, in our plan to cheer her up, I will not suggest hanging a mirror and pendant on a tree outside her room and performing a strip tease
 
-I will not suggest that Pinkie Pie might be a Rokurokubi in an attempt to get her exterminated
 
-I will not convince the mane 6 to cross dress so they can join the army. And if I do, not allowed to say “You are My little Ponies, and I will look after you”
 
-Not allowed to convince Chrysalis to disguise her army as a shopping mall in an attempt to take over Equestria
 
-I will not teach Pinkie the Deformed Rabbit shadow puppet
 
-I know that the construction industry is booming in Equestria, Still not allowed to base my work on Bloody Derpy Johnson
 
-I will not ask donut Joe if he knows how to make a Screaming Orgasm  
_{|| I mean, ‘s not like he’d know amirite?||}

-I will not try to drain the magic out of the princesses in an attempt to increase my power and become the sole source of magic in the whole world.
 
-I will not begin singing Stan Bush’s ‘The Touch’ while the mane six are fighting the monster du jour. My singing voice sucks. I’ll use the recorded version instead.

I will not send Derpy Hooves into enemy airspace. I believe that’s outlawed by the pony Geneva convention

I will not give ponies prank lollipops made from hot sauce.

@Randomosaur  

 
That will probably keep them up for weeks.

-I will not introduce Lyra to GTA V and say that’s how the human world really is.  
-I will not introduce Assassins Creed to the CMC and say being an assassin is a good way to get a cutie mark.  
-I will not give the necronomicon to Twilight and say that the spell to summon Cuthulu will help her magic get stronger.  
-I will not give Derpy drug induced muffins just to see what will happen.

-I will not catch Philomena,cook her, then give her to Celestia for dinner.

@mystik671  

 
At what temperature can you cook a phoenix?
 
I will not try to drink Berry Punch under the table  
I will not replace Vinyl’s discs with Polka music  
I will not detune all Octavia’s strings right before a performance  
I will not shout “Freebird!” or “Soitakka Paranoid” at Octavia’s concert  
I will not attempt to use Lyra the same way the fanbase uses her doll  
I will not make Doctor Who jokes with Timeturner. it’ll blow his cover he’s probably sick of them  
I will not lick bon bon to see if she’s made of candy

@Thegug
 
It’s not what temperature it’s at what stage of her life, and the answer to that is after she starts molting and before she becomes ashes.

-I will not check to see if cutie marks are scratch and sniff.  
-I will not break into Sweet Apple Acres multiple times a week looking for hard cider.  
-I will not bribe Apple Bloom to steal hard cider for me with the promise of an alcoholism enabler cutie mark.  
-I will not tell button mash to tea bag ponies after beating them in a video game.  
-I will not go anywhere near Button’s mom. The awkward boners…  
-I will not spike anything with ecstasy, especially not Spike.  
-I will not try to lick Spike just in case he secrets some kind of hallucinogen.  
-I will not test anyponies flavor.  
-When I inevitably do the above anyways, I will not try to weasel out of it by claiming its for science. I’m not fooling anybody.  
-I will not claim that anything anyone eats is made from ponies.

I will not modify a certain ‘scientists’ dolls so they make the victims more pregnant the longer the contact then capture Celestia * and shove a half dozen up her ass.
 
*or  
Fluttershy  
Twilight  
Rarity  
Luna  
Cadance  
Derpy  
Cheerilee  
Mayor Mare  
Chysasis  
Gilda  
Cup Cake

@mystik671  
I dunno. I always thought phoenixes keep their fire resistance into their old age.
 
 
@gasmaskangel  

 
-I will also not claim that anything anyone eats is made from humans  
-I will not make references led acts in public to see which ponies get it _{hehe, “get it”}  
-I will not convince Cadance to raise an army that only loves her  
-I will not say “Blutcher” [horse whinnies]  
-Cutie Mark Religious Cult Leaders, No!  
-I will not shave all ponies to see if chaos results from no one being able to differentiate one another without colour or cutie mark  
-I will not introduce ponies to Nicolas Cage movies

@Thegug  

 
If you must eat a phoenix, don’t cook or roast them. It only encourages them. Instead, boil in water or hot oil.
 
-I will not attempt to exploit the Theory of Narrative Causality to my advantage. Just because I try to set myself up as the Hero Who Saves the World From Evil doesn’t mean I won’t end up being One of the Dozen Hapless Characters Who Get Beaten by Evil Before the Heroines Shows Up.

I will not hex a comb so that anypony who uses it gets a super long mane.

-I will not ask Zecora or Twilight if there is a spell or potion to turn ponies into zomponies, use/cast it then tell spike we’re being invaded by zomponies.

-I will not make any assumptions about anyponies sexual orientation or relationship. Out loud at least.  
-I will not give sex ed to Spike with a view towards what a guy with fingers can do for ladies that have none.  
-I will not speculate on how kinky anypony is. I’ll probably turn out to be grossly underestimating things.  
-The above goes double if the pony in question is Celestia.

I will not put cookie dough in Pinkie’s party canon. ever.

I will not suggest to any pony that its time to go out to stud
 
I will not ask Luna to make my Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask Student fan film “more realistic

I will not give Discord Monty Python DVDs
 
I will not let Sombra come in contact with Tiberium
 
I will not let Sunset Shimmer gain access to the Stone Mask

-I will not give Pinkie Pie monster blood to use to prank ponies.  
-Nor will I give her the haunted mask to scare ponies.  
-I will not give Pinkie a symbiote life form and say it would make for a good costume on Nightmare Night.