My Little Pony No-No's

I would not, could not in a box.  
I would not, could not with a fox.  
I do not like green eggs and ham.  
I do not like them, Sam I Am.

I will not suggest to Scootaloo she get a tatto.
 
I will not help her get a tatto either.
 
I will not tatto Sweetie Belle.

@Background Pony  

 
Best one of the lot.

-I will not attempt to smoke poison joke.  
-I will not attempt to get any pony to smoke poison joke.  
-I will not sell the CMC cigarettes. Again.  
-I will not hide bondage gear in Carousel Boutique.  
-I will not try to drink any pony under the table.  
-I will not claim my 10th Mountain tattoo is my cutie mark for being “fucking badass” even if it is on my ass.  
-I will not teach the CMC to curse.  
-I will not try to recreate the plot of Stranger in a Strange Land  
-I will not give Celestia a copy of The Prince. This goes double for Luna.  
-I will not attempt to convince any pony that they are the Dovahkin.  
-I will not attempt to convince Twilight Sparkle that she is the Kwizatz Haderach.  
-I will not attempt to get Rainbow Dash drunk just to see what it looks like when a pegasus flies while under the influence.  
-I will not try to lead a military coup to take over Ponyville.  
-I will not send marriage proposals to Rarity, forging the names of any member of Royalty.  
-I will not try to introduce punk rock to Equestria.  
-I will not make meaningful throat cutting gestures at Angel, Diamond Tiara, or Prince Blueblood.  
-I will not refer to the Princesses, or any other figure of Canterlot nobility as “filthy aristos.”

I will not yell “its a lie, im not a ghost!’ when asked about my cutie mark.
 
I will not feed the cake twins prunes or beets.

I will not read SCP stories, Cheerilee’s Garden, Sweet Apple Massacre or I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream to the CMC as a bedtime story.

@gasmaskangel
 
You know, if you play your cards right. Those “No-No’s” can become legitimate cientifical and social experiments under the premise of trying to develop new ways of treatment for mentally scarred patients

I will not give Pumpkin Cake a phallic-shaped object.

I will not nail a dead fish to the door of Sugarcube Corner.
 
I will not switch the mayor’s mane dye with food coloring or watercolors.
 
I will not call RoidRage (or whatver his canon name is) ‘Tiny’.
 
I will not give Pinkie the recepie for the Flapjacks of Doom.

I will not train Pinkie Pie in the use of portable nuclear devices.

I will not start begin the legend of Swearaloo.

-I will not ask Princess Celestia if the sun shines out of her ass.  
-I will not show Cannibal Holocaust to Fluttershy.  
-I will not refer to Bonbon as “Candy Ass”  
-I will not speculate at the flavor of anypony’s genitals.  
-I will not tell Spike that he’s been eating blood diamonds.  
-I will not seig heil Celestia, its unfair and the action of a complete cock holster.  
-I will not seig heil Blueblood. He doesn’t get why he should be offended.  
-I will not leave erotic fanfic stashed around Carousel Boutique  
-I will not read the complete works of H P Lovecraft to the CMC as a bed time story.  
-I will not try to convince Lyra that she’s on the Truman Show.  
-I will not suggest that the Cakes start making erotic cakes.  
-I will not try to convince Zecora to get a grill.  
-I will not tell Twilight about the existence of the Twilight novels. Even I’m not that much of a bastard.

I will not split the party.
 
I will not summon Beetlejuice to Ponyville.
 
I will not fill Twilight’s bed with bananas.

I will not paint a giant antomicly correct painting of Cadence and Shining armor in cloisitus on the walls of the crystal palace.

@Background Pony  
Because it’s redundant. They already had a massive bas reflief of that very thing carved.
 
-I will not show anypony 4chan, gurochan or furaffinity. I’m not that cruel.  
-I will not read Cupcakes to Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie or Apple Bloom.  
-I will not steal sex toys from Rarity and then try to sell them to Spike.  
-I will not attempt to convince pegasus foals that the plot of Rainbow Factory is real.  
-I will not refer to Diamond Tiara as the 1%, and attempt to start a class war against her.  
-I will not talk about gelding, especially not to Blueblood. If I must talk about gelding with Blueblood I am to refrain from grinning.  
-I will not send letters to princess Celestia asking her to banish ponies I don’t like to the moon.  
-I will not distribute any of the following books to ponies: Wealth of Nations, Das Kapital, The Road to Serfdom and the Anarchists Cookbook.  
-I will not try to convince anypony that Ayn Rand is the despotic ruler of Earth.  
-I will not attempt to pair off any ponies based on my preferred ships.  
-I will not try to convince Zecora to make me voodoo dolls of ponies I don’t like.  
-I will not tell Spike that Rarity wants his body, no matter how funny the result would be.  
-I will not tell Spike to use the following pickup line on Rarity: “I find the most erotic part of a woman is booby.”  
-I will stop ripping off Futurama for these jokes.  
-I will not try to convince anypony that I’m really a heavily modified pony from the far future come back with a dire warning.  
-I will not try to get Twilight to turn to the dark side.  
-I will not succeed in getting Pinkie Pie to come over to the dark side, or at least I will get her to do it with a more compelling offer than cookies and punch.  
-I will not speculate on the size of anyponies horse wang. Especially Rarity’s, she’s got a mean left hook.  
-I will not evangelize about the joys of carnivorous eating.  
-I will not lie to get ahold of a pig I intend to make into delicious bacon.  
-I will not attempt to get the cows to rise up.  
-I will not give Fluttershy a copy of either The Jungle or Animal Farm.  
-I will not speculate on which pony is the top in their relationship.  
-I will not refer to Gilda as “Ms Soon to Be buffalo Wings.”  
-I will not sell human pornography to Lyra, no not even when she begs, Candy Ass had murder in her eyes when she told me to stop.  
-I will not try to convince Pinkie to hold a “Leave me the fuck alone you pink lunatic!” party.  
-I will not speculate on the parentage of the CMC or the Cake’s children.  
-I will not tell Twilight that I ship her with her brother. And Cadance. And Spike. And Rarity. And… hold on this list is going to go on for awhile.

I will not send Suarcube Corner an order for a giant candy dildo.

@Background Pony  
I will also not send for orders of:  
-Chocolate assholes(this exists…)  
-Candy Body paint  
-To-scale candy busts  
-Marshmallow vags  
-Candy weaponry  
-Candy canes with the intent of creating Shivs  
-Peppermint Suppositories  
-A kaiju sized statue of chocolate in my likeness

I will not send Rarity ‘anomatically correct’ ponykins.

-I will not tell the CMC how cool an 87th Airborne cutie mark would be.  
-I will not try to convince Twilight that Star Trek, Dune, Judge Dredd, the Terminator, Mad Max or Fallout are accurate representations of human nature.  
-I will not slap Flash Sentry in the face and yell at him about terrible grammar. That was the work of an entirely different moron, not him, therefore I will find another reason to slap him (not because he boned Twilight, which he definitely did, I just think he looks really, really punchable.)  
-I will not refer to Rainbow Dash as the annoying blue one. That doesn’t narrow things down enough.  
-I will not slip Pinkie horse tranquilizers.  
-I will not try to convince anypony that they evolved from man.  
-I will not speak like the aliens from Battlefield Earth.  
-I will not speculate on whether or not any pony needs to get laid.  
-I will not shout “For Christ’s sake just fuck already and get it over with!” anytime I see Applejack and Rarity arguing. They already do that on a regular basis.  
-I will stay out of everyponies shed, cellar and basement. Nothing good happens in these places.  
-I will refrain from speculating about the possible erotic purpose of any piece of clothing Rarity makes, or at least I will refrain from speculating when Sweetie Belle is in earshot.  
-I will not utter the phrase “fuck it, lets go get drunk and set shit on fire” more than once a week.  
-I will not devote a significant portion of my time devising a plan to kill every pony I meet just in case.  
-I will at least hide my plan to kill every pony I meet better next time, oh come on Pinkie I’m just trying to be prepared! Please stop crying, no I don’t think you’re a psychotic killer.  
-I will not spread rumors that any pony I don’t like is a psychotic killer.  
-I will not ask Celestia her opinion on bananas. It was funny once.  
-I will not ask ponies where I can find tobacco or marijuana.

I will not shave pinkie’s mane and replace it with cotten candy.

I will not tell appleack her new cake recepie tastes like ‘old hyena’

-I will not imply that Celestia is sick of being immortal  
-I will not call Twi (or any other unicorn) a witch and then proceeded to hold a witchcraft trial  
-I will not give Pinkie a large bag of ecstasy, claiming that it will make ponies friendlier and happier  
-I will not trick the ponies into thinking that Brave New World or Nineteen Eighty-Four is an accurate representation of modern day human society

-I will not act on any thought that causes me to laugh maniacally.  
-I will not claim to be going through Ponn Farr for any reason.  
-I will not quote Wrath of Khan.  
-I will not find poisonous, viscous or just plain disgusting critters just to see how much Fluttershy really loves animals.  
-I will not grab the Great and Powerful Trixie and administer a Great and Powerful beating until such time as she agrees to stop talking the third person.  
-I will not refer to myself as the “Greater and More Powerful than Trixe Gasmask Angel.”  
-I will not try to convince any pony that I am the leader of the human race, at least not for the express written purpose of soliciting bribes.  
-I will not speculate about the flammability of Twilight’s library.  
-I will not speculate on the flammability of anypony’s residence.  
-Or place of business.  
-I will not loiter around Bill’s All Night Oily Rags and Lighters Emporium.  
-I will not offer to draw anypony like one of my french mares.  
-especially not stallions.  
-I will not claim to be a highlander.  
-I will not use this thread as a checklist.  
-I will not take this thread as a challenge.  
-I will not attempt to introduce the concept of property insurance to ponyville, then skip town with the premiums next time it gets destroyed.  
-I will not interpret everything Rarity says as a sexual innuendo. I will only interpret 1/3 of the things she says as sexual innuendo as is the actual rate.  
-I will not try to convince any pony that they are the 6,000,000 Bit Mare.  
-I will not accuse ponies I don’t like as being a part of a conspiracy to overthrow Celestia.  
-I will not see how much annoyance it takes to make Rarity contemplate murder.  
-I will not get Pinkie to help me make bombs or drugs using the excuse that its just human baking.  
-I will not try to get Twilight to let me borrow her chemistry set for any reason, but most specifically not if I intend to use it to make any form of narcotics.  
-I will not tell Twilight she has a drinking problem as the hypocrisy would be sickening.

I will not ‘pants’ the royal guard.