I don't have a girlfriend.

Yeah, nobody fucking cares, Nightweaver, I can hear you all saying. But here’s the rub, here: I’m fucking 33. THREE THREE years old. And it appears like I don’t have really any luck with women, mostly because I don’t try, and secondly because I’m a really gross pervert. eHarmony.com flat out told me they wouldn’t take me on their site, and even Match.com banned me after I started sending gross disgusting emails to women on that site.
 
There’s a few women at my job that I want, but most are taken and one is a hippie-dippy girl who I think is cute but turns out she’s one of those organic everything girls who loves farmers markets and writing about the first robins of spring and flowers and stupid pretentious garbage I don’t honestly give half a shit about.
 
I’ve had a total of ONE serious relationship in my life, in my early 20s with some stupid Sonic the Hedgehog fangirl who I thought was cute. Then she dumped me after four months when she found out what a raging shithead drunk I am. So I hacked into her website and deleted half the Sonic forum she had set up. That was a decade ago.
 
So here’s where I’m leading with all this. Is anybody else in here quite as pathetic as I am? I just can’t seem to either gain or keep any respect for women. I think it’s been so long since I’ve had any pussy that my brain is starting to warp uncontrollably into some kind of super-creepo that nobody will EVER want to fuck, ever again.
 
Is it normal to not be married or even have a girlfriend at age 33? Because every single person I know in my life has a happy family or is dating. And it makes me sick. Oh and I also have no friends outside of work.
 
So, in summary:
 

O____O
 
ahem Anyway.
 
My only girlfriend was a mistake. A blatant, BLATANT mistake, and I am infinitely glad to be rid of her. But it did give me a few good lessons, namely don’t be jealous, don’t be petty, and remember that people have comfort zones, and that your interactions with people should bear their individual limitations in mind.
 
Also, don’t be a fucking lunatic.

I love being single. Forever alone is supposed to be an insult but having seen the other side I’m quite grateful for it. An odd position to take, yet I am, truly, much happier this way.

I’m answering this paragraph by paragraph with my own paragraphs…
 
There’s nothing really wrong with being a gross pervert, you just have to find people who match that. That’s what you’re doing wrong, you aren’t going to find people who enjoy that perversion by going to match.com, you’re going to have to go to sites that cater to your interest, have a large userbase, and aren’t just imageboards like the many chans. Yeah, that’ll be difficult, but if you go to sites that aren’t centered on your interest but find a group on that site which does you’re increasing your chances. Maybe you get that already but I’m just saying it.
 
Don’t get mixed up with girls at work, I’m serious. Sometimes you could get lucky but chances are it’ll get fucked up and then the job will be awkward as hell.
 
That’s disappointing, sad, and hopefully you’ve learned to be better.
 
I’m pathetic in my own ways, everyone has their own sets of pathetic traits. Yours suck, but you need to recognize that bad traits aren’t terminal traits. If it’s something you can correct then keep trying to make it better. If it’s something that you don’t need to correct, or you like about yourself but others find it weird, just be happy about it and be confident in it. Just don’t be a shithead to others and enjoy yourself. You can find someone who wants or needs someone like you, just gotta go to the right places.
 
What is normal? Just because you aren’t those people doesn’t mean you’re some sort of subhuman now. Now get back to being amusing before I throw your cat into a tree.

I wish i had a Girlfriend. The only Women i seem to get in contact with have nothing in common with me.
 
So i’m pathetic too.

I know how you feel, sorta. The bigger problem for me is I want a boyfriend . . and I live in Louisiana.
 
I don’t have any real advice I can give. I’m in the same boat when it comes to women, and when it comes to guys the only ones out here are the super fucking annoying throwing rainbow glitter everywhere and need to fucking learn about personal space.
 
 
I’m so ronery, so ronery, so sad and real rone.

Well you got lucky once right? Meaning if you play your cards right again, you can possibly get another chance at a relationship. As for the rage drinking, if your already aware about this problem of yours, then why not, I don’t know, try to cool it down a little. If you have no control over it, then atleast let her no about this, and try not to involve her when you go on one of your “crazy nights”. The guy above me^ is correct about the website and work thing, if you want to meet people, don’t go looking for girls you see on a day to day basis, or through a picture on a screen. The perversion thing, yeah that can’t be helped(trust me^ whatever you do, I do worse, rule36 brother rule36)
 
 
I wish I could atleast get one relationship, sadly I’m till a virgin at the age of…..so that is truly sad

Being single is just bad if you consider love stories from Disney.  
Based on real life relationships, the best thing nowadays is to stay Forever Alone.  
And faps to animated animals porn  
/\ Actually true  
And not just ponies
 
Really, i’ve never seen a happy couple on this generation, because there isn’t.

As the old saying goes: Tis better to love and lost, then to never love at all…
 
I am single as well, but I am not panicking over it. Love finds people just let it happen, try searching for it all too hard and all you will find is misery and we all know misery loves company.

I guess the mlp:fim episode title that can best describe everyone here is “party of one” :V

@Nightweaver20xx
 
I would try online dating more. It doesn’t even have to be a dating site. Just try to find someone you like. It’s how I met my gf.

You know what the real shame about all this is? I’m actually rather physically attractive; I’m not a neckbeard, I’m not overweight, I shower often, wear neat, clean clothes and groom myself meticulously. But I’m a monster inside, and I’m afraid if I get into another relationship, that person will find out and it will end in tears that will likely result in me taking my own life.

@Nightweaver20xx  
Dammit, Nightwingboner, you’re not being fun with this. You’re supposed to say, “Yes, thank you, all of you. Now I’m going to go and have wild sex atop a raging rhinoceros while Ryan Reynolds records the event to sell as a sex-ed DVD for twelve to fourteen-year-olds.”
 
But seriously, looks don’t have that much to do with it. I’m kinda sloppy, decent face, way too hairy for anyone’s good, and only so-so about proper grooming but I’ve got a sexy gal. Because I figured out what I need in a partner, figured out my wants, and then just kept those in mind while I went about and spoke with people about things I like. I met her by just discussing the things I enjoy, befriended her with no intentions, and we fell in love.
 
When you go looking for love you’re going to find failure, it’s just how that works. Reason being that you’re blinding yourself in the process, you’re focused on an idea of what love should be and sometimes you miss what it actually is for you or you force a situation that isn’t love into becoming love in your mind. That, and you spend too much time focused on outward appearances, you’re looking for very silly things. Hell, isn’t that the basis of half the romantic comedies out there?

@Palinor
 
…so looking for love is like looking for a cutie mark?

@archestereo  

 
Sooo much “fuck yeah”…

I always seem to miss threads were I can lend some expertise. I need to just create a psychological help thread…

@archestereo  
Except with more fluids spraying around.

@Zincy  
I made one before. It just died without a single post.

@Grieffon
 
That happened to one of my topics too.

@Grieffon
 
I guess it’s back to impromptu counseling. Relationship counseling has never been my thing anyway, suicide and depression are more my areas. Tricky subjects to deal with, have to be especially careful what you say.

…one is a hippie-dippy girl who I think is cute but turns out she’s one of those organic everything girls who loves farmers markets and writing about the first robins of spring and flowers and stupid pretentious garbage I don’t honestly give half a shit about.
 
Sounds good to me! Care to introduce us?

May I voice an opinion? I have a friend. He’s 42, and still hasn’t had any serious relationship. I’m 25, and I’ve been with my girl for about six years. The thing is, that doesn’t matter. You will get lucky once, and you’re set for life. No matter how you are, there’s always someone who will love you.
 
Also, relationships are not that much of a neccesity. I mean, it’s great to be with someone you love, but it’s not a must to be happy.

Be glad that you are not Manti Te’o.

What? This is not a problem, trust me. Why would you want to get stuck in a fucking relationship… many people think that this is important. I consider these nonsense as pointless whining.

“I think is cute but turns out she’s one of those organic everything girls who loves farmers markets and writing about the first robins of spring and flowers and stupid pretentious garbage I don’t honestly give half a shit about.”
 
Lucky you didn’t ask her out then, otherwise you would be spending your time fixing problems between her and her boyfriend for fear that she’ll pick you over him, with nothing but a spunky aunt and your trusty butler to help you.