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Happy venting thread

Glimenade
A Lovely Nightmare Night - Celebrated the 12th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Artist -

Fresh pony memes
Ever since I ended my blog, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I finally had the courage to unclog the toilet today, and now I’m thinking about starting a new blog, one that goes in a less edgy direction!
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
Hi folks! Sorry, but this is going to be a wall of text. If you find this annoying, feel free to ignore it. Everyone else: take your time. (grin)
For those of you who have known me for a bit longer, let me first say how glad I am to have met you. I really do! You have helped me in very dark times. And for that I will always be grateful. I will never be able to repay this. But I will strive to be an (even) better person in the future. And maybe just with these words I can show how much it means to me to have friends I have never met in person. But who will always live in my heart. All right, enough of these words. Back to the topic.
The good news! (and since this is the Happy Venting thread no bad news follows either, just some honest and sincere thoughts at the end ^^)
(inhale, exhale) Man, these anxiety disorders are annoying. Sometimes you wish you had been wounded more severely physically than mentally. ^^!
First. Well, the fact is, I still have a lot of work to do on myself. Which also seems a little strange to myself, but those who are know me may be able to relate to this following thought: Somehow I feel kind of “reborn” right now. Not in any spiritual or religious way. I’m just feeling something like “joie de vivre” (joy of life) again. Or how we Germans say: Lebensfreude! And that, although there was more than one reason in the last years that I never trusted myself to celebrate my 42nd birthday. To be honest: I thought until the very end that I would have been long gone by that time. The gun was in the closet loaded until recently. Now no longer. [Kind of weird to write that in a happy vent… Sorry. I better put that in spoilers. Don’t read it, if you not know me or don’t want to know about my issues.]
But, funny fact: fate, karma, kismet, whatever, probably has other plans with me. Which is a good thing. Very gut! But not from my own perspective alone. Because, let’s be honest: I don’t like myself very much (because of the past) and I will probably never be able to develop something like self-love. Aber: And here’s the happy part of this post:
I’m probably still needed. And just as important. I am still liked. [I am fully aware that I am of course liked by my friends here, but I am also someone who is very rooted in his past. I’m sorry again and is in no way meant personally! More so on one: Hey, your friends like/love you - but you still feel completely isolated from family and those you were very close to earlier in life. I hope that makes some kind of sense now.]
What I want to say: I really had a great day today. More than that. Maybe one of my best days in life. And tomorrow (or if you go by German time already again today) it may get even better. Because!
Short story: I was really sick the last few days. Just before that, I finally had a video night with old friends (and also some new people), watched an old buddy western movie that is very popular here in Germany (Lo chiamavano Trinità - Die rechte und die linke Hand des Teufels), and ate a pan of beans. Because that’s also in this movie. Then, while I was sick, things happened again that really triggered me, or rather put me in a kind of anxiety state. My form of anxiety is more along the spectrum of not being able to control myself, my thoughts, and my body. Ja, ja, PTSD sends its regards. Anyway!!
I ended up calming down, taking care of things, even getting well enough to have a wonderful board game day with the same old friends. You know, the Germans LOVE board games. That’s a kind of thing. Just like soccer and also wear tennis socks with sandals. But no Lederhosen! ^^ And then the surprise. They… And sorry, I already have tears in my eyes right now…
They are having a birthday party for me in a few hours now. Totally spontaneous. Tsss…. Why? F**king [name of your savior]. (Shaking his head, and can hardly hold back the tears) The guy who has done so much wrong in the last few years (not mentioning said past) and has already finished with life. Nothing big, just a small circle of friends, sort of the new family I found. Old friends. New people. Even my employer. Everyone comes together to celebrate the one depressed and unsteady asshole Thorsten.
But just that I want to say here now once happy and very touched: No matter how much you are mentally in the shit. Obviously things CAN still get better again. I’ve been living like a hermit for the last few years. But if you are always open-minded (and this is one of the few good qualities I possess), and don’t close the door completely, and allow contacts… Well, then wonders obviously happen. (looks very angry at the kamis right now, who are responsible for this, constantly throwing dice with his life and feelings)
As a German, of course, I take the right to make my final opinion later. But obviously you can even in the deepest mental hell climb back up again. Which I even in the drunkest state here on this site never 100% let out, more like, well… 80? Maybe 75%? Cough, cough. I am so ashamed of this. As a person of honor and conscience. I only feel sorry for those people who ever had to endure me in such a state. Considering the fact that I’ve never actually been banned, that says a lot about the wonderful work of the administrators and moderators on this site. I really need to find the time to honor that appropriately for once…
Back to the topic: Obviously, I do climb back out of this hell somehow. Slowly. Steadily. It takes effort, in part, to confront unpleasant truths, to admit to yourself that sometimes you direct your anger at the completely wrong people, only to learn what they actually did for you without your knowledge. And to accept that sometimes you’re just an asshole. Because all people are so from time to time. That is simply human. But that you are not worth less than you think of yourself.
Well, as I said. It was a wonderful day today. May “tomorrow” be even better. I’m having fun again. And that, well… Except for a few moments, that I had the last few years almost never. 24/7 survival mode, so to speak. But life is good (again). Not perfect. But good. And if that’s not a reason to feel joy in the Happy Venting thread, then I don’t know what is. And thanks for letting me write down my thoughts here. I’m off to bed now. Because I still have to process all this somehow. ;-)
If none of this makes sense, I blame it on the fact that A.) I’m completely overtired and B.) I don’t speak English as a native language. But that’s also just a lame excuse to justify why I just had to organize my thoughts here and express them for once. I thank the gods that this site exists. And this forum. Love you guys. You support me more than I can ever put into words. Cya! ;-D
Badheart
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2020) - Took part in the 2020 Community Collab
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

Hurp-a-Burp.
@DarkObsidian
Possibly more than anyone…I understand we have this demonic, blood-thirsty side to us.
Nobody can always be the same person they strive to be. We don’t know who we are. But we need to learn and know ourselves, and to nourish our alter ego.
Trying to be normal at all times leads to insanity, because being human is far from normal.
Even when you’re not yourself. Sometimes you want to throw it all away, other times you think you’re the devil.
My point is whoever you are in your current state, it is important to control that person so your true self shines.
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
Possibly more than anyone…I understand we have this demonic, blood-thirsty side to us.
Absolut. It may sound a little strange to others, but I can very much relate to Badheart myself in many ways. Of course, because, we have both never seen each other, we are also both different people. But often in him (you, because that’s what I’m writing to you), I see him as the dark (to others), not so dark (to me) person facing me in the mirror. What I do not say and do: here is my brother from the other side. In more ways than one. If I was always “privileged” in some way, Badheart lives exactly that, which makes me despair of this society just as much. And where I would love to scream and punch some people in the face, he is who he is. And in the same moment. Me too. I can’t and won’t deny that either. I just have the higher ground for some karma bitch reason. Completely undeserved. But if someone ever put me in the same situation as him, I would do absolutely the same thing. And maybe even worse. Because I’m not always Mister Nice Guy. I’m much more worse. And I stand by that. No matter what light this throws on my person now. I just don’t have as many muscles as he does. I fight my sword in another way. Right through the throats of others. I don’t know if that’s the German in me. But I also know no mercy when it comes to certain things. Let’s say beliefs. The conviction that I have to be better than others. This is certainly a German thing. And as always, that kicks our asses. Do you ever get smart out of stupidity? ;-)
Nobody can always be the same person they strive to be. We don’t know who we are. But we need to learn and know ourselves, and to nourish our alter ego.
Absolutely right. And our alter egos are what drive us both. It’s a life with a shadow self by our side that sometimes feels familiar, but often feels completely strange. But it’s always there. And it doesn’t go away. It is here to stay. And we both have to live with that. And even if we often don’t want to. We are very toxic in this respect towards other people. We are not the best of friends. We are often weird, misunderstood, and go 24/7 with our fists clenched behind our backs. But even though it always seems like hatred is what defines us.
In fact, hate is only what has shaped our entire lives so far. And how can we bear hatred in any other way than to make it part of our own personality? To take it up in the own person, to let it become a part of it and to reflect it (there we also differ) to the outside. We would be happier if the world were a little more peaceful and not so biased. But we are idealists. And idealists will always fight. No matter against what, or who. Unfortunately, often against us and our friends.
I’ll take the liberty of making a comparison here, but feel free to disagree at any time: Badheart is the fist on the outside. I am the fist on the inside. We both live and are entangled in our past. And what we hope for is love and respect one day. Love in the sense above all love for ourselves and love as we are. Respect because we are both not bad people. But we have to carry a fate that others (thank God) were denied. But it is a fate that we have to live with.
Trying to be normal at all times leads to insanity, because being human is far from normal.
Never meet a “normal” person. Do you? Do anyone? What is normal? I literally hate this social fairy tale of “be normal”. There is no such thing as normal. There is not, there never was. But everything in this world is geared towards telling us this fairy tale over and over again. Over and over again… UCH! A few want to rule over many? That. I don’t just mean it politically. I mean it as one of the biggest problems in our global society. Hear me if you will: there is no normal. There is only a certain consensus. And we humans are really not good at it. Sorry.
EDIT: I just wanted to say, to put it in very clear terms: there will always be those who want to dominate others. Whether in society, politics, relationships & at work. Personally, I distance myself from this concept, which has been generally accepted for decades. And probably Badheart too. In a kind of “rebel yell”.
We fight every day from the moment we get up against the demons in our heads. Against the self-hatred that we let it come to that at all. The hatred of those who have made us who we are. We actually hate everything and everyone. But we are still adorable. Because this hatred is not self-inflicted. But it was forced upon us.
Because we don’t hate people and life as such. On the contrary. All we’ve ever wanted in life is love and understanding. And also recognition. But this world is so trimmed to smash everything with a hammer that it’s different. And people with our minds are hit all the harder. Because we want to. But we can’t. Can’t stand what humanity is like as such. And we will never apologize for it. That we are such rebels. Das verbietet unser Stolz! We can only make compromises. And that is often difficult enough.
Even when you’re not yourself. Sometimes you want to throw it all away, other times you think you’re the devil.
Devil? Hell, when I die, the devil gets up from his throne and says, “Good that you are back, master.”
I have corrupted, harmed, killed and negatively influenced more people in their lives, and all with the opinion, behavior and inner conviction of an angel. Of course, I am nice. Because being nice is part of my personality. Not fake it. I am like this. I would never steal a child’s lollipop. But am I a good empath? I personally doubt that very much. Downhill the road to Dark Empath. With a narcissistic personality disorder.
I’ll just say this: I’ve talked to therapists. And really meant it honestly. All they could tell me was: we can’t help you. Woo-hoo! Even better! … Seriously. Therapists are such hypocritical jerks who only follow their respective personal psychological school. That would be like having to decide which house at Hogwarts could treat me. And I should surrender myself freely to such LUNATICS. Never.
What should I do? What should we (Badheart) do? Who is going to help us? No one can. We have to find a way ourselves to get out of this gloomy world of thoughts. Without ramming away everything that is in our way like a Mario Kart driver. Huh. Nice fate, isn’t it? But a fate that we also bear with a certain pride. Despite the vulnerability that comes with it. But this fate is really a bitch.
My point is whoever you are in your current state, it is important to control that person so your true self shines.
Asshole… (smiles) How can you say that without making me want to cry? Ah, ah, ah. I see you, good sir. I know what you mean. And I am very grateful to you for that. But it still moves me to tears. My current state is simply “development”. Like a Pokémon about to go digital. Wait… That doesn’t sound right somehow. (cough)
I know exactly where I’m coming from. I know exactly who I am right now. I allow myself new “upgrades” and also allow myself to put myself in situations I’m not used to. Which is a good thing. But never (again) will I doubt that I deserve to live as much as others. That’s the HAPPY part of this post in this thread. I’m just thankful.
I am grateful that I exist. As the person I am. I am grateful that there are people who allow me to reflect. I am grateful for every person who stands by me. And I am grateful for this site, which has allowed me to experience something like joie de vivre (Lebensfreude) in a very dark time with very, very dark thoughts. I am grateful for my friends here. And I am grateful for every controversy that this existence of mine has caused so far. I am me. I come from before and now I go further. I just hope I can take as many as I can with me on a journey to a better tomorrow. For better or for worse. I know what I owe to all of you. That’s all I want to say. I’m very happy about it. ;-)
All I’m asking for now is to give Badheart a similar loan. He is my other self. And I heart and hug him, wishing we were together more often. Of course, I can neither speak for him nor take care of him. Because he is him and I am me. But we are brothers in spirit. Two sides of a medal. That’s all I have to say. Unless I am asked to do so. But then I will stand by him out of complete conviction. Changes my mind. (Bad, if you’ve done anything here that makes me look extremely stupid now, I’ll fly to the U.S. on the next best plane and kick your ass so hard that you’ll never be able to sit again! Love from your other side from Germany) Think about love, hate and honor. ;-D
DerpyFast
Non-Fungible Trixie -
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.

Zipp Dripp!
I got to ride a horse in a parade today. Originally, I was supposed to be in the fifth row of horses, but I got promoted to the first row. Later, a more experienced rider who really likes the horse I was on told me that she was impressed with how I handled him.
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