I feel like giving up on art

This isn’t the first time I felt like giving up. I always feel like this.

Over a month ago I posted about self-inserts and Canon x OC ships and I do want to bring back my OC, but I have some problems.

I’ve been on here for two years and I still cannot come up with a proper name for my OC or a good cutie mark. “Manerg” isn’t a good name as it was just my old username which I took from a song by Van Der Graaf Generator (most of you have never heard of them). I’ve always been bad at naming things and if I can’t come up with anything for this long, I shouldn’t even have an OC or write anything (I’m an even worse writer than I am an artist btw), but then how would I ship myself with Coloratura?

Part of me wants to keep continuing because seeing Coloratura and other ponies I like always makes me feel good, especially if I can fantasize about being with them, but part of me also wants to give up because I suck at art, I’m not getting better, I can’t tell if I really do want to draw or if I feel obligated. The only person forcing me to draw is myself.

I feel like maybe I just have too high standards because I’ve thought of a lot of names but none of them are any good. Maybe I’m just obsessed with trying to find the perfect name except there are no perfect names. Nothing is perfect. I can share some of the names I thought of and why I rejected them if anyone wants to see.

Even if I didn’t have an OC it took me days to draw art without a graphics tablet and it didn’t even look that good (and I did as good as I could). I hope that now that I have a tablet I can draw more quickly and my art would look better, but it’s not easy to draw with a screenless tablet. Also I don’t even feel like drawing most of the time and I’m probably the laziest person I know, which is a reason why I should just give up and quit.

I didn’t even care about how bad my art was until a year ago when I saw >>2729599 (deleted) by Roseluck (thank you Roseluck for uploading that image when you did) who linked to three tutorials by Sorcerushorserus which I started following. Now I feel like giving up because my art still sucks and like I said, I can’t even name a fucking OC! I can practice for hours or days and I still haven’t improved.

And even if I did try to give up, I’d just come back and try again. I always do. For me, giving up on something is much harder (if not impossible) than not giving up and desperately trying to continue something I know I’ll never be able to do.

Maybe I just need serious help, but then again, aren’t I beyond help? I’m the worst person I know. Nobody hates me more than I do.

@angryprogrockbrony
If your aiming for perfection, then your going not enjoy it. Same if your comparing yourself to others.

I’m not aiming for perfection. I just want my art to be good and good art doesn’t have to be perfect (art can’t be perfect). My art isn’t as bad as it once was but it’s still not good.

Considering I never had a tablet until just recently and haven’t uploaded anything since I got it, it wouldn’t be fair to compare me to other artists that do have tablets. It also wouldn’t be fair to compare me to artists who just take other artists’ bases, vectors, and backgrounds and make something new out of it whereas I draw everything from scratch.

I felt a lot of despair, too. Taking drawing seriously takes a heavy toll on your self-esteem and mental sanity, especially if you started late.

IDK if Roseluck’s kinda mathematical approach is really adequate. Knowing intuitively how to draw shapes may work better, or at least do sculpting until obtaining something decent, and lucky for you, you’re on the digital medium

Can’t you just draw for fun?

@d1ckbitch
You do realize I was following the tutorials he/she linked to (the tutorials by Sorcerushorserus) and not his/her own tutorials. I have been drawing basic shapes just to get used to drawing by hand. When I drew by mouse I just created circles using a circle tool instead of drawing polygons and I still do that by hand since it’s a lot easier.

Maybe my problem isn’t taking drawing seriously but trying to make a good self-insert or at least one that doesn’t completely suck.

@Luca H.
I did draw for fun initially, back when my art was the worst on Derpibooru, and I used to upload a lot more than I do now. Part of what kept me from working hard and doing much is because this fandom seemed dead after 2019 and I saw no point in contributing to what I thought was a dead fandom, but this fandom hasn’t died at all.

Yeah I probably should just give up since my art hasn’t improved at all. I can’t even draw with a tablet. What I drew today, and I’m not going to upload it unless people here really want to see it, looks much worse than my art from when I drew by mouse.

I use Krita to draw. My lines aren’t smooth at all since I started drawing with a tablet and I don’t know how to fix this. There’s probably a tutorial on YouTube or somewhere about this and how to not suck at digital drawing. Don’t tell me that Krita sucks and I should use Photoshop instead. I’ve seen other artists draw well on Krita. Fuck I’ve seen artists like Sallycars who can draw amazing art using MS Paint. Maybe I suck because I haven’t drawn by hand in a long time and I’ve relied so much on Krita’s curves and circles tools so much now.

It’s becoming clear to me that I will always be a terrible artist and there isn’t anything I can do to become a good artist. I know there are some people on here that do like my art, but it isn’t worth trying since I don’t even have fun drawing anymore and even if I did, I could just keep it all to myself and not upload it since most people wouldn’t give a shit.

Yeah, this one is tough, depends of what style you’re targeting. If you wanted to get close to the show’s look, a pixel matrix-based software such as krita may not be the most adequate, it’s more for painting / pencil / “realistic” (whatever that means) drawings.

Since when did you use the tablet? It takes quite some time for getting used to it. Say, a few dozen of hours… Krita has a few line stabilizers available, but I personnally don’t use these, prefering practice and doing billions of Undo-s

@d1ckbitch
I don’t care about being completely show accurate. I’ve tried using the line stabilizers but they don’t work.

I probably should practice more. I’ve had the tablet for a few weeks and spent around 8-10 hours which isn’t nearly enough time, but considering that I was always bad at art even before I joined Derpibooru, I could have just told myself back in 2020 that this isn’t worth it and not upload anything except low quality bait/troll images and other shit that would get mass downvoted.

@angryprogrockbrony
Having the tablet gives you a lot of room for experimenting… Try to stay on a single picture for as much time as it takes for making it look decent, and remember that getting a ok-grade sketch is one of the hard parts of the process

@d1ckbitch
I agree on this.

It’s sad that I still haven’t completely given up and I’m still trying. I really should just quit and forget about ponies (if that’s even possible for me). When I am dead (hopefully sooner rather than later), I won’t even care that I wasted my life drawing pictures of ponies and talking to fake internet “friends” instead of actually doing something with my life and talking to real people. I won’t even remember any of this because I wouldn’t exist anymore.

If anyone is reading this, don’t try making me feel better because nothing you say will make me feel better and no advice will help me. I am completely beyond help. There is no hope. I don’t even know why Derpibooru staff still puts up with me.

If there was a way for OPs to lock their own threads that would be great.

@angryprogrockbrony
I think you should talk to someone.

@Mighty Aphrodite
Talking to someone never works for me. It doesn’t matter what they tell me. It almost never changes my mind. Listening to advice is one thing. Actually taking it is another. There are lots of things I know I need to do but I never do them.

@angryprogrockbrony
I hear going on walks is good at clearing your head. It’s how I get inspiration for my pics.

Hit artist’s block, go for a walk!