After I finish my the 16th page of my comic, my mother just informed me that my brother going to go to my house, sound great, right? No because if he forgot to bring his laptop, he is going to borrow my mine. And I were seriously surprise and felt very uncomfortable about this and then asked my mom why she didn’t tell me sooner, he didn’t even know it sooner. then I told her the reason why I don’t want to him to use my laptop is he is barely want to use. Then he says that if I love him or not, then ever other bullshit. I have to endure to listen like, he has been watching that I didn’t do any prayer. I try to talk to him and he quickly interrupted me.
Even when I just sighting even heck even just silent. he saw it as an act of war against him, sighing. Then he complained why it need to talk it so long, the reason because he is just try to force his thought on me and mocking by saying that all I want is just force what I want to him. I could barely speak because how delusional he is and I see the irony here. how hypocrite he is. Look who is the one forced to go the college in the first place against my wish? That’s right he tried to force me to do what he wanted, just because he believes he know the best.
everything turns bitter and he became even more crazy, and then punch and kick my body, although not that hurtful but still showing how crazy he is. Then I lock a cage door even then he manages to spit me. I am seriously about lose control there and at least that cage door provides me a protection from that his wrath and yelling something that I already been buried. Even then he still manage to whine like a bitch and don’t want to hear it.
Then I try to apology to him even it’s still follow by his bullshit like saying “I am angry, you must to hear it, don’t question me” even apology take a time. Sigh (at least he isn’t here or when I sighing you can’t not reason with him) then I spent almost an hour in my bed room crying and saying “Just die, just die, you aren’t worth it to called yourself my father, just die, so I could be relief, I would never visit your grave when you dead” then at I try to calm myself by talking to my mother and she said that he love me, excuse me he love me? Didn’t she try to make me laugh? I have almost now reason that he love me. But I have every reason that he is don’t love me, here one of them.
He is the one who mock my music piece make me hiatus for over 2 years in my music making
He is the one who tear a paper of registration of computer course
He is the one who how force me to go to the college in the first place against my wish
He is the one who demand to listen to his bullshit and demand that I shouldn’t say anything. A typical double standard for religious bigot.
He is the one who mock my YouTube video that lead me to not making it more on my other channel
He is the one who belief that religion is everything, even if it’s mean that a big suffer for his kids
And my mom said that he loves me? Hehe Fuck, all I see is just a typical bad parent that only know how to have a kids. But don’t know how to rise a kids, action speak louder than words and he only say it in his mouth not his action. It’s mean nothing to me, I still don’t have any respect for him.
But even so I am really thankful for everyone in here, who have time to read this vent and even more thankful for who reply to me, it’s meant a lot to me to endure this nightmare from my father. I hope that I could endure it more in the future. I don’t want I am ending up killing my father and spend my life in prison even if it’s meant that I am going to feel relief after it. I want to get out from here. I want to live new better life; I want to make my dream come true. I want to have a kids that I can told the story about how horrible my parents and become a father that I want to have, so my kids will not be going to endure what I have been endure.
PS : Also sorry for grammar mistake that I made. When my emotion isn’t the best it can affect my grammar so severely.