[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Scrabbleman  
Well, I pretty much am emotional, loud, and annoying. I think I really am a bad person. And I guess have to accept the fact about myself. It’s all my fault. I treated you and some other people like enemies. I’m literally the worst person on this planet who has ever existed. I treated you like shit. And I have to accept the fact about myself. I’m sorry.

@Shylover  
Nope, nada.
 
I’m the worst person I know because I have yet to meet a person as bad as me. And you know how that feels?
 
Good. It feels good. It feels good to be the worst person I know because I am convinced no one is as bad as me. Which means everyone is capable of being good or even better than me. Which is what I really want.
 
I insult people, make fun of them and jerk around but at the same time, I know they can handle it. All those things I said about you, I’m still sorry about that but at the same time, I was being unfair. I expected you to fight back and get mad at me but instead, I got too personal about it. It’s because I put you to my standard and thought “If I can handle it, you can too.”
 
I was wrong. And I refuse to accept that statement about yourself. Nobody deserves to be alone for the rest of their lives. Not now, not ever.

@Ninji  
Hey man, we’re having a moment here. I don’t usually have those on this site or even irl.

Also, I’m hungry as heck right now which probably contributed to my emotional outburst. And I hate being emotional. It makes me feel bad.

@Scrabbleman  
Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t deserve to be alone. But from what you said about me, it’s true. I am annoying, loud, and emotional. And I have to leave you be. Because I know that I scared you. I won’t bother you ever again. I promise.

I’m going to die in 19 years.

@Lord Arceus  
Did a doctor tell you that?
 
19 years is a long time for things to change.
 
Having a date on your life is one hell of an anxiety.

I’m either joining the military or finished with myself if I can’t might be homeless soon

@Dashiefluffywaifu  

 
Don’t join.

Fuck depression. Fuck suicide.
 
If I’m going to die then I’m going to die living!

I’m feeling kinda depressed…

……………………….

This week just keeps getting worse and worse for me today. Why do I even bother to stay positive, cheer people up a bit, and even be helpful?
 
:’(
 
I give up. I knew I should’ve killed myself last year. Then I guess I am going to suffer from loneliness forever.

@Shylover  
Sometime, if you get the chance, you should talk to someone two or three times your age who has been diagnosed with depression and suicidal idealization, but who lived. And who found happiness.
 
Ask them how they did that, and if it was worth it. Assuming you get a chance.
 
You might find the answer worth listening to.
 
I’m not saying it will necessarily change anything, but sometimes perspective can help.
 
And, like Lady Gaga says, it gets better.

@Derpy Whooves  
I already did. But now I haven’t heard from him anymore after the vent thread from today. 😔

@Shylover  
[UPDATE: oh - you edited your reply, now my response sounds kind of shitty - well, whatever they are going I hope they are ok, and you’ll get in touch with them again soon. Anyway, here’s my original response, please keep in mind I responded before your edits]
 
Ok, I hope you got an answer that helped :)
 
For myself, I really should have died … uhm … well, when I was 23, which was quite a few decades ago. But I didn’t. And ever since I’ve been making “ok” enough. I still have every bit of the depression I ever had, and have persistent idealizations of suicide that basically mean I spend the whole day realizing interesting ways to die right now. Like, even now, sitting in front of my computer. So many ways to kill myself, right now, which I absolutely know 100% for a fact is the right thing to do.
 
But I don’t. And the last several decades have been interesting enough that I’m glad I hung around.
 
Because it did get better. A lot.
 
I’m still mad about what happened when I was 23, but I can’t change that. It’s a part of my hard wiring. What I can do something about is decide how I can be the horrifically broken and damaged person that I am, and still be happy.
 
The answer’s not easy to practice, but it’s very easy in concept.
 
You can’t change your hard wiring, that’s what your body is and does. But what you do with it - that’s your call. And being hard wired wrong doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness.

@Derpy Whooves  
Sorry. I didn’t know you were gonna respond while I was editing. Anyway, to respond your updated response, I hope your right. And I hope my friend “Flutter_Lover” is okay. I just hope nothing bad ever happens to him.

Everything I see in life is only more rejection.
 
I give up.

@Badheart  
I never rejected you Badheart. You’re still my friend.

@Shylover  
👊😎

@Badheart  
👊😊

I don’t care if I’m ignored.

@SaviorAssassin1996  
Fine, we’re a trio.

Make friends and then they just forget about you.

@SaviorAssassin1996  
………………………. 😢